"That is the only reason I haven't killed myself," he says. "I mean, I'm serious. I just can't see a future. Auburn is not gonna be satisfied until they put me in prison."Wright Thompson interviewed the Grim Treeper himself over barbecue, and he's at least two degrees of insane. In related news: Updyke's "assault" case will likely remain "unsolved" because "people" didn't see him getting "assaulted" by "nonexistent assailants" because Harvey was "making shit up crazily because [see: at least two degrees of insane.]" This should be the end of Updyke's non-legal troubles, and that is precisely why the redneck gremlins of the Yellowhammer State will intervene and make sure Updyke is assaulted in front of witnesses by someone wearing a Mississippi State sweatshirt. Conspiracy, write yourself.