Ladies and Gentlemen,

  We seem to excel at generating our own jokes, memes, gifs, funny stories, tales of drankin, and the like.  And there's still a vast desert of time between here and the beginning of delightful football season.  In yesterday's DV, someone mentioned how entertaining a drinking contest between a few mascots would be. 

   Therefore, I propose a collaborative effort between myself and co-conspirators like you.  Here are the steps:

1.  With the help of you fine people over the next five days, put together the list of the 32 most drankingest mascots in NCAA football.  With a couple tomato cans thrown in for conference auto-bids.

2.  I'll assemble them into a tournament bracket

3.  One of you clowns either does, or shows me, how to set up an online poll, where the commentariat can vote on who they think would win the matchup. 

4.  After a day or so of voting, a volunteer (either myself or someone else who excels at funny drinking stories) writes the fictional play by play of said drinking contest.  Maybe it involves Mike the Tiger trying to eat Puddles.  Maybe it involves the Leprechaun and the Mountaineer in a bareknuckle brawl.  We have imaginations, and can make each other laugh. 

5.  Winners advance until we crown a champion.

If you think this is a good idea, say so.  And if you're willing to help write the stories of the drinking contests, also say so.  I have free time, but not enough to write 30+ hilarious tales of drinking contests.

EARLY NOMINEES FOR THE TOURNAMENT, OTHER SUGGESTIONS WELCOME:

WVU Mountaineer

Notre Dame Leprechaun

Oregon's Puddles

Stanford Tree

Oski the Cal Bear (5)

Ralphie the Buffalo

Bevo the Longhorn

Lil' Red

WKU's Big Red

Goldie the Gopher (10)

Bucky the Badger

Chief Illiniwek

Chief Osceola

Maryland Terrapin

Texas Tech Red Raider (15)

Col. Reb

Tommy Trojan

Brutus Buckeye

Bama's Elephant

A team of a War Eagle, a Tiger, a Plainsman, and Pat Dye (20)

Cocky

8-ball

Rameses

Rutgers' Scarlet Knight

I leave the floor open for other nominations.