Due to time restrictions, we could not air QB CAMP! With Jon Gruden! in its entirety last week. The last chapter profiles the top draft pick of the 1924 draft class, Wingback/LB Orville "Cinders" Hartwell.
Old school! That's YOU, man. I'm gonna call you that because you are old school to the core. What kind of helmet is that? That is some far-out stuff you got there, old school. OLD SCHOOL.
Ain't wearing a helmet, fella.
WHOA. You're telling me that's your hair? When was the last time you got ran a little water and soap over that wedge formation you got goin' there in the front? Cause I'm gonna be honest, and you better be ready for this because the scouts are gonna come at you with worse: the last time I saw hair that matted and nasty it was on Al Davis, and you don't wanna know where. He used to shower with the team once a week whether he needed it or not.
Pomade daily and a comb until the mulberries get into it in spring. Then I go get a poke and a hair-washin' at Madame LeGrand's whether I need it or not. She's the tops, whorin'-wise.
What do you think of the disabled? I love them personally. This isn't even a football question.
Wouldn't know any. Harsh times. In North Dakota you needed two good hands to survive, or one really big one. Used to be a man outta Grand Forks named Hammer Hand Murphy. Best spinning fullback we e'er had, even as a Papist. Died of the pleurisy while getting hit by a train.
I'll be honest with you, Cinders. Old School. You terrify me, and I like that. I like a guy who puts a little terror in me. Michael Pittman was like that. He punched a Barnes and Noble's once because he thought it was "putting on airs." THAT'S OLD SCHOOL, AMIRITE OLD SCHOOL?
Are you German? I don't consort with the hun.
Is that in the Occident? You're not an anarchist or Catholic, are you?
Looks like someone loved to play Notre Dame! Scouts say there's some medical concerns about you. They always say that, don't they? You do look a little old, but character shows up on the face, right?
I am 19.
Maturity is just what they're looking for, then. Enough of the chit-chat-mackerel-tack! Show me the textbook, old school. I want to see it all. Show me the diagrams with the sun going around the earth. The ape-men of Roanoke. The dinosaur porno. SHOW ME THE GLORY OF YOUR ANTEDILUVIAN BRAINBOX. Put it up on the board there, Encino Man. I want to see how Syphilitic Tebow got down in the '20s, man.