THE CURIOUS INDEX, 5/17/2011


LOVE IT OR LEAVE IT DUUUDE These alligators have their priorities straight. In fact, they're more American than you, me, Janoris Jenkins, or even Coach Booooooo himself. In full disclosure, we could all stand to learn a thing or two from these great patriots: 

If you don't think for one second Ricky Stanzi doesn't plan to live in a Troy McClure'esque water surrounded glass house surrounded by gators even 3/4 as real blooded Americans as these, then you don't know the first thing about the sacrifice necessary to be a true American. Listen to nothing but Lee Greenwood the rest of the day and say 75 hail Toby Keith's or so help you God.

(via the venerable KC)

GIGGITAH TO THA CONN-GRUH-GAY-SHUN! Houston Nutt gives no fluffs what you think about oversigning, his coaching philosophy, the program he's running, or the hilarious 13th century royalty akin inconsistency with which he rules. Sophomore linebacker Clarence Jackson and sophomore defensive end Delvin Jones? GIGGITY-OFF-WIT-DER-HEADS. Really, they're more likely headed for junior college purgatory to land with a Sun Belt side or more forgiving SEC foe. But sort of curious that in a span of, oh, I don't know, 4 months, Ole Miss has gone from a cast of millions to but 76 scholarship players. REVERSE-REVERSE-REVERSE-REVERSE-REVERSE-OVERSIGNING. DUN YOU QUESTION ME, BOYUH.

*GENERAL FART NOISES* Ohio State of The Ohio State University notoriety announced a shuffling within their athletic department over the course of the weekend. No, not that position but rather Hall of Famer (literally, there's a hall of fame for this sort of thing) in her own right Shelly Poe, head of football PR and communications, was succeeded by one time staffer Jerry Emig. Notorious boob man Brooks proceeded to piece the jumble together from puzzle pieces not entirely based in reality and the result is an accusation that embattled football Coach Jim Tressel was somehow inexplicably behind the ouster. You know, despite logic, reason, or Tressel being the guy who personally saw to Poe getting the gig in the first place.

"We've plenty of hearsay and conjecture. Those are kinds of evidence."

Texas Tech head football coach Art Briles, Chicago Tribune columnist Jay Mariotti, Kansas athletic director Bubba Cunningham, and a bevy of character assassinated individuals in or related to Steve McNair's tragic death think there's nothing wrong with this kind of responsible field work.

GENE CHIZIK DOES MOST GENE CHIZIK THING EVER Auburn football coach Gene Chizik has much on his plate these days. In addition to getting ready for the harsh reality of a life post-a-once-in-a-generational-demigod, writing a fine, fine book, and looking intense all the time, the Auburn head football coach took time out of his busy schedule to to feed a goat, a goat that happened to be named 'Gena' in his honor. He promptly followed it up by donating $200,000 to Auburn's veterinary sciences program, throrwing a Sazerac, and yelling "COME AT ME BRO" to no one in particular.

PASSION FOR LIFE [REDACTED] 19-year Illinois athletic director Ron Guenther has elected to retire at his contract's end. In doing so, a certain head football coach loses arguably his biggest ally. Despite Paul Petrino and Vic Koenning showing at times their ability to game plan with the best in the country in 2k10, sometimes you just have to play with a dead squirrel.

MMMMMMMMMMCANONIZED Lloyd Carr got his just deserves for a career of excellence yesterday. Today's love goes to Buckeyes all-purpose weaponized halfback Eddie George, he of the 500+ cumulative yards against Notre Dame and Illinois in 1995, for his also being named to the 2011 College Football Hall of Fame class. Saluations, good sir. I once sat across the aisle from Mr. George on a flight from Columbus, Ohio to Nashville. It was a Southwest flight. Chill bro achievement: UNLOCKED. Besides, when you've got genetic 2005 technology a decade prior, it's just like playing NCAA '11 on Junior Varsity:

(TFJ: Vico for the YewTewb deftness)

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