So, due to the market being closed, people off work, the Lord's passing, etc, thou shalt not read a Digital Viking today. We have to fend for ourselves. But fortunately, we have a hidden power: ourselves. Our humor, our cynicism, our photoshops, and our gifs. Which we can all employ in a thread that's been talked about, but never executed: awful first date stories. I have four pretty bad ones, but I'll be dropping them out one by one, if anyone else deigns to contribute.
One day a year or two ago, I asked a friend of a friend out to the play "Chicago" at the Cadillac Palace Theatre in downtown Chicago. I got the tickets at $75 a pop, and arranged to meet her for drinks beforehand at the Walnut Room at Marshall Fields. She came in, blonde hair offset nicely by her dress. She came to the bar and I gave her her ticket for the evening. She sat down next to me, looked me in the eye, and said,
"Now, just to be sure: you only asked me to this so no one would think you were a homo for going to a musical alone, right?"
Annnnnnnnd, it was all downhill from there.