LES MILES STARS IN THE NEW THRILLER "SAUCE CODE"
by Spencer Hall on Apr 21, 2011 12:30 PM EDT
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PrintLes Miles dreams, or thinks he dreams. He hears words, and then remembers his mission. Find the bomber. Keep an eye on the clock. Disarm the bomb.Win the SEC. Wait, that's not one of them. It should be, though, because it's important.
Find the bomb. If you don't, everyone dies, and we'll have to do this all over again. You have five chances, or maybe fifteen. The scientists don't know, really, so don't waste them, Les.
He comes to on the train, and is looking out the window.
Miles: The bomber. Have to find the bomber. He could be anyone. She could be anyone. There's no telling. Gonna have to look. Gonna have to look fast---
Conductor: A REMINDER THAT BREAKFAST IS BEING SERVED IN THE DINING CAR ATTENTION BREAKFAST IS NOW BEING SERVED IN THE DINING CAR.
Miles: Oooh! Pancakes!
Several minutes pass. Miles returns to his seat.
Miles: Man, nothing like some banana pancakes to start the day. I like to call them 'nannercakes to save time. Leaves me with more time to eat 'nannercakes. Winners don't talk. Winners eat 'nannercakes!
So, where was I. Oh yeah, the bomber could be anywhaa--
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM [everyone dies]
Reboot. Resending agent.
Okay. Made some corrections. Did some restrategizing. Changed a few things. Keep an eye on the clock, Les! Bomber has to be somewhere on here. Got to focus.
Now, where did the explosion come...from...
Agent Miles looks out window.
Grass. So...hungry...
Fifteen minutes pass.
Aw wait a minute darnit--
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM [everyone dies]
Initializing re-reboot. Agent Miles re-reinserted.
Okay. You know, everything's fixable. We're gonna get this. We've got a damn fine team here. Lotsa good people working here. Not much time to fix this thing, but we're gonna fix this. We're too good not to, isn't that right?
Woman sitting across from Miles clutches purse, looks afraid.
That's right. Let's just get up and look around the place a bit, and--hey, Lloyd!
I'm sorry. You must have me confused with someone else.
No, that's you, Lloyd Carr! Remember when we used to coach together at Michigan? Les! Les Miles! Buzz? Ol' Pepperpants?
I do not recall any gentleman of that name. Good day.
Mr. Twinkles? Coach Moondog? Eddie Whitesnake? Not ringing a bell? The guy who drank a lava lamp after we beat the Bucks in 1990? I bled from my eyes for three days after that! But I'm a man of my word. Nothing?
A Michigan man does not joke, sir.
Hey, heyyyy come on! Is it that thing with Moeller's wife? You still sore about that? Because I--oh, jeepers. What time ya got, Lloyd?
I believe you mean to ask "What time is it presently?"
Yeah, sure, I just have this thing I gotta find and--
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM [everyone dies]
Initializing re-re-reboot. Agent Miles re-re-reinserted. Assistance Proxy Krag1N1 added for force multiplication.
All right. Not gonna dwell on mistakes. We all make 'em. Now it's time to learn from 'em. Let's get going!
Female passenger across from him really clutches purse, turns away from Miles, cowers.
That's the spirit! They told me I'd have help this time.
That's right, Les. I'm Agent Kragthorpe, and I---
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM [everyone dies]
Re-initializing sequence from Krag1N1 insertion point.
That's right, Les. I'm Agent Kragthorpe, and I---
KRAGBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM [everyone dies]
Re-re-initializing sequence from Krag1N1 insertion point.
That's right, Les. I'm Agent Kragthorpe, and I---
KRAGTHORPALYPSEBOOOOOOOOOOOOOM [everyone dies REALLY HARD THIS TIME]
Removing unstable Krag1N1 element. Note: may cause spontaneous explosions for no reason whatsoever in environment. Proceeding from re-re-re-insertion point Alpha with Agent Miles.
New day here on the train! Learning from mistakes. Not making the same ones again. Gonna stay on track and finish what we've started. Isn't that right, Lurlene?
Woman across from Miles pulls out mace. She sprays Miles for five seconds straight directly in eyes. He does not flinch.
That's the spirit! Is that spearmint? My favorite. Now, lemme see if I can just find ourselves a bomb here. Well, after Les holds the ol' tiger in the bathroom for a minute and gives back the coffee he rented. Excuse me.
Miles walks into the bathroom. A huge bomb sits on top of the toilet.
Well, I'll be. Let's just get you away from the innocent people on this train and out where you won't hurt anyone.
Miles opens the bathroom window and heaves the black medicine ball-sized bomb out the window. Its fuse hisses in the air as it flies away from the train.
Dooley: OH COME ON NOW REALLY THIS IS JUST---
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM [Derek Dooley dies]
'NANNERCAKE TIME!
Miles claps.
FIN
85 comments
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fuck the Kings SpeechSpeec
"I've gotta fevah, and the only perscription is more Plumlee"
by jc001 on Apr 21, 2011 1:11 PM EDT up reply actions 2 recs
Well played Spencer, well played
Anyone have use for a 13 person football game? I know a team looking to play some games
Don't give up, don't ever give up ~ Jim Valvano
I'd post the Orson Wells clapping GIF
. . . but Lesticles already gave himself a well-deserved hand.
Et Universitatis Ohioensis delenda est!
really well and truly out of your mind.
I approve. Though I did find Lloyd’s presence curious.
You've been on fire lately, Swindle.
No pun intended.
Like SBMWV? Try PegPelvisPete! The same great taste of SBMWV w/50% more snark & just 140 characters per serving!
by She Blinded Me With Violence on Apr 21, 2011 12:46 PM EDT reply actions 1 recs
Completely off topic, but...
Please tell me one of my fellow Gamecock fans has alerted the EDSBS staff about the Clemson fantasy football camp. Check out some of these…highlights?
running down the hill
There’s more out there on the YouTubes, but wow. Just wow.
/Fuck Clemson
by Never Leave College on Apr 21, 2011 12:46 PM EDT reply actions
I have heard about a snowball-style roll down the hill from the stone but
youtube is blocked here at work.
I hear there is footage of a dabo speech as well.
/fuckem
/who?
/clemson, you idiot
I haven't a particle of confidence in a man who has no redeeming petty vices whatsoever
-Mark Twain
Also, Fuck Clemson.
by Gamecock2002 on Apr 21, 2011 12:50 PM EDT up reply actions
I think there's a pre and post game speech.
You can almost see the thought bubble over Dabo’s heading saying “I can’t believe they’re making me do this shit…”
by Never Leave College on Apr 21, 2011 12:53 PM EDT up reply actions
Whenever I see dabo, all I can think about is this picture:
I haven't a particle of confidence in a man who has no redeeming petty vices whatsoever
-Mark Twain
Also, Fuck Clemson.
by Gamecock2002 on Apr 21, 2011 12:57 PM EDT up reply actions
And then you remember that 2-0 record against Sakerlina
Writer (and a handsome one at that),
And the Valley Shook
by Billy Gomila on Apr 21, 2011 1:39 PM EDT up reply actions
Actually,
he is 1-2 against Carolina as a head coach.
I haven't a particle of confidence in a man who has no redeeming petty vices whatsoever
-Mark Twain
Also, Fuck Clemson.
by Gamecock2002 on Apr 21, 2011 1:51 PM EDT up reply actions
and if I want to get scientific...
He is 0-2 as a head coach and 1-0 as an interim head coach.
I haven't a particle of confidence in a man who has no redeeming petty vices whatsoever
-Mark Twain
Also, Fuck Clemson.
by Gamecock2002 on Apr 21, 2011 1:53 PM EDT up reply actions
FAIL
Sorry, thought you were talking about Miles.
Heading back to the center for kids what can’t read good.
Writer (and a handsome one at that),
And the Valley Shook
by Billy Gomila on Apr 21, 2011 2:05 PM EDT up reply actions
This wasn't here when I started typing, I swear.
"You know what the chain of command is? It's the chain I go get and beat you with until you understand who's in ruttin charge here." ~ Jayne Cobb
by MtnEer_in_SC on Apr 21, 2011 1:54 PM EDT up reply actions
What 2-0 record?
Dabo is 1-2 against the Gamecocks. Clemson won in 2008, but lost in each of the last two years.
"You know what the chain of command is? It's the chain I go get and beat you with until you understand who's in ruttin charge here." ~ Jayne Cobb
by MtnEer_in_SC on Apr 21, 2011 1:52 PM EDT up reply actions
It's all starting to make sense...
I haven't a particle of confidence in a man who has no redeeming petty vices whatsoever
-Mark Twain
Also, Fuck Clemson.
Just a reminder to all of you sour fans....
4/21 is national random drug test day.
/You gonna get fired
//Fuck Clemson
by Grizzly_Adams on Apr 21, 2011 12:48 PM EDT reply actions 2 recs
Some days you just can't get rid of a bomb
"Come render the salad unto Caesar"
by Publius2010 on Apr 21, 2011 12:50 PM EDT via mobile reply actions
Some things can never be outsourced to the subcontinent
SH/OS + Freek = EDSBS retains its AAA rating
by CalLSURoseBowl on Apr 21, 2011 12:58 PM EDT reply actions
Ahem
Don’t forget Miss Holly. The last person that forgot Holly…well, it’s better if we don’t talk about that.
The biological purpose of pain is to prevent the recurrence of stupidity.
Aunt Stabby can rival Cthulhu in anger sometimes.
It’s majestic and terrifying.
Too much head, too little heart.
I has a twitter.
You mean this?
Let's goooooooooo, Mountaineeeeeeeeers!
by An 'eer with a beer on Apr 21, 2011 2:29 PM EDT up reply actions
Serious question:
Does the LSU staff actually allow Les to have coffee?
I haven't a particle of confidence in a man who has no redeeming petty vices whatsoever
-Mark Twain
Also, Fuck Clemson.
Coffee doesn't effect Les like it would others
When he needs inspiration, he turns to the grass. You give a coke fiend heroin and he’ll end up dead in no time. It’s no different for a grass fiend and coffee.
by Big McLargeHuge on Apr 21, 2011 1:02 PM EDT up reply actions
Les doesn't drink coffee.
He drinks motor oil, tang, and clamato.
Ah, ah, ah, a pirate first with a lawyer's wasted education, and himself bound by the fiendish ties of a legal disputation.
And why do you people think I just like the grass?
I regret that I have but one computer to troll this website.
by Nick Fairleys Hitlist on Apr 21, 2011 1:01 PM EDT reply actions 10 recs
White?
Green.
Hallucinogenic love drugs, sir. The pagans were taking them. We were trying to fit in.
raciss
"[Many] schools call themselves Wildcats and I am very sorry for there ought to be just one school by the name of Wildcat and that is that little Calvinistic, Presbyterian, fire eating, Bluestocking, Covenanter, dissenting Scotch-Irish school down in the wilds of upper Mecklenburg County."
– Henry T. Lilly '18
I have no words.
Other than these which I am typing.
Much easier to ignore the questionable quality of things that are covered in cheese.
Bill Stewart wants to know....
“Now why did they keep blowing up that nice Kragthorpe fellow?”
"You know what the chain of command is? It's the chain I go get and beat you with until you understand who's in ruttin charge here." ~ Jayne Cobb
do what about the Krag
and his love of UofL coeds
Players who should be in the Hall of Fame: Pat TIllman, Dwight White, Donnie Shell, L.C. Greenwood, Ray Guy, Steve Tasker, Jack Butler, Greg Llyod, Andy Russel, Cris Carter, Kevin Greene, Curtis Martin, Willie Roaf, Andre Reed and Jerry Kramer
"Baseball is like church. Many attend, but few understand." Wes Westrum
Canal Street Chronicles resident Steelers Fan
by WVPiratesfan on Apr 21, 2011 2:42 PM EDT up reply actions
Seems like a lot of work
for a Les Miles can clap joke.
Why'd they waste two hours
When they could’ve just told you Bruce Willis was dead from the get-go?
Fish meat is practically a vegetable
by Bourbon_Meyer on Apr 21, 2011 1:22 PM EDT up reply actions
Seriously
Spacey IS Kaiser Sose? Jesus, it was like they were intentionally misleading us the whole time. Assholes could have saved me two hours and twenty bucks.
by Onestatewest on Apr 21, 2011 1:26 PM EDT up reply actions
I'm still shocked - SHOCKED - they made us sit
all the way thru The Passion of the Christ and then killed the main character! WTF!
Fish meat is practically a vegetable
by Bourbon_Meyer on Apr 21, 2011 1:35 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
FOUR HOURS OF TOM BERENGER JUST TO FIND OUT THAT THE NORTH WINS.
Transmogrified up in this piece!
by Ancient Chinese Secret on Apr 21, 2011 1:38 PM EDT up reply actions
I MUST'VE SAID "CANT WAIT FOR THE SEQUEL" TEN TIMES WHILE WATCHING TITANIC
Fish meat is practically a vegetable
by Bourbon_Meyer on Apr 21, 2011 1:40 PM EDT up reply actions
LOOK I'M JUST SAYING DAN BROWN MAKES SOME INTERESTING CONNECTIONS, OK?
Transmogrified up in this piece!
by Ancient Chinese Secret on Apr 21, 2011 1:41 PM EDT up reply actions
True story: My buddy's son watched La Bamba for the first time and asked if there was a sequel.
He didn’t want that nice young man to die.
The best thing you can do for your children is to love their mother. John Wooden
Was a damn shame, at least Buddy Holly and the Big Bopper made it ok, right?
Dean of Auburn Institute for Exploding Dog Studies
Current Location: Taji, Iraq
by Oscar Whiskey on Apr 21, 2011 2:05 PM EDT up reply actions
yes.. they both are doing fine
Buddy owns a successful chain of dry cleaning shops called “That’ll Be the Day (that I Dry)” and the Big Bopper sells custom lace lingerie in the greater Kansas City area.
Thankfully outside Nutt's circles.
by Sasquatch Love on Apr 21, 2011 2:15 PM EDT up reply actions 10 recs
Fuck me sideways,
that’s funny right there.
The biological purpose of pain is to prevent the recurrence of stupidity.
Well, HELLO Baby.
Ah, ah, ah, a pirate first with a lawyer's wasted education, and himself bound by the fiendish ties of a legal disputation.
by blanx73 on Apr 21, 2011 2:41 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
wow
"[Many] schools call themselves Wildcats and I am very sorry for there ought to be just one school by the name of Wildcat and that is that little Calvinistic, Presbyterian, fire eating, Bluestocking, Covenanter, dissenting Scotch-Irish school down in the wilds of upper Mecklenburg County."
– Henry T. Lilly '18
It seems to have a 'Defense of Duffer's Drift' meme going
/InfantryCentered
Drift rankings:
1. 
2. 
3. 
5,361. 
Transmogrified up in this piece!
by Ancient Chinese Secret on Apr 21, 2011 1:37 PM EDT up reply actions
But I knew Tokyo Drift would be bad considering I have been lead to believe that all Japanese street racing takes place between oddly-shaped humans while set to a Super Eurobeat soundtrack
And Tokyo Drift only fulfilled the first requirement.
by Synaesthesia on Apr 21, 2011 2:29 PM EDT up reply actions
Wut?
Let's goooooooooo, Mountaineeeeeeeeers!
by An 'eer with a beer on Apr 21, 2011 2:31 PM EDT up reply actions
...
Transmogrified up in this piece!
by Ancient Chinese Secret on Apr 21, 2011 1:29 PM EDT up reply actions
----
Fish meat is practically a vegetable
by Bourbon_Meyer on Apr 21, 2011 1:31 PM EDT up reply actions
I like that Derek Dooley is becoming
the “OMG, they killed Kenny!” of the SEC.
Much easier to ignore the questionable quality of things that are covered in cheese.
by allicolls on Apr 21, 2011 1:25 PM EDT reply actions 1 recs
Well, he does just seem to fit the part.
"You know what the chain of command is? It's the chain I go get and beat you with until you understand who's in ruttin charge here." ~ Jayne Cobb
by MtnEer_in_SC on Apr 21, 2011 1:45 PM EDT up reply actions
YOU BASTARDS!
He’s Bizarro Les Miles – his opponents do something completely silly late in the game and somehow he loses because of it.
I've got this terrible pain in all the diodes down my left-hand side.
Bradley-Terry rankings for college football and basketball: because there aren't enough computer rankings already.
Les Miles actually keeps an increasingly frustrated-looking portrait of Derek Dooley in his attic
"Come render the salad unto Caesar"
by Publius2010 on Apr 22, 2011 2:51 AM EDT up reply actions 8 recs
It's too bad
that you posted this so late in the day that no one will see it.
by Alaska Hokie on Apr 22, 2011 3:40 AM EDT up reply actions
I'll rec the Dorian Gret reference!
But, who’ll carry the mail!
"You know what the chain of command is? It's the chain I go get and beat you with until you understand who's in ruttin charge here." ~ Jayne Cobb
by MtnEer_in_SC on Apr 22, 2011 8:26 AM EDT up reply actions
Checking in late.
Happy to say this is green. Giving it a rec anyway.
"Wer viel Bier trinkt, schläft gut. Wer gut schläft, sündigt nicht. Und wer nicht sündigt, kommt in den Himmel!" Martin Luther
"Burt Reynolds?"
“Yeah, that’s not my name…”
…
“Sigh, Turd Furgeson?”
“I didn’t hit the button.”
"I think so, Brain, but how are we going to get the bacon flavoring into the pencils?"
"My favorite play is Dave. It involves a long pull, deep penetration, and pure power." -Jim Tressel
"Yes, you did."
“Yeah, well that’s your opinion.”
…
“I hate my job.”
"What are you, drunk?" "Drunk enough to kick your ass."
by Awesome Bill from Dawsonville on Apr 21, 2011 5:12 PM EDT up reply actions
I might as well go to bed
because my day has reached its apex with this
Now drink with me deeply of the bourbon, scotch, and rye until such time as we are fighting drunk. Then we shall find, and beat the asses of, the nonbelievers who ruined my feast.
– Alvis
Alvis bless us, everyone!!
Les Miles is to SAUCE CODE what Leslie Nielsen is to NAKED GUN
“Miles: Man, nothing like some banana pancakes to start the day. I like to call them ‘nannercakes to save time. Leaves me with more time to eat ’nannercakes. Winners don’t talk. Winners eat ’nannercakes!”
I like to think of Miles saying this to Jordan Jefferson while they are both getting breakfast in the cafeteria.
Swindle, tip of the cap to you sir for this sequence.
by I-Right Fullback Dive on Apr 21, 2011 3:39 PM EDT reply actions
Was kinda surprised by how much I liked the actual movie
Still would rather watch this one.
I love green because money be green.
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