LES MILES STARS IN THE NEW THRILLER "SAUCE CODE"

Les Miles dreams, or thinks he dreams. He hears words, and then remembers his mission. Find the bomber. Keep an eye on the clock. Disarm the bomb.Win the SEC. Wait, that's not one of them. It should be, though, because it's important.

Find the bomb. If you don't, everyone dies, and we'll have to do this all over again. You have five chances, or maybe fifteen. The scientists don't know, really, so don't waste them, Les.

He comes to on the train, and is looking out the window. 

Cfb_source_code_1_medium

Miles: The bomber. Have to find the bomber. He could be anyone. She could be anyone. There's no telling. Gonna have to look. Gonna have to look fast---

Conductor: A REMINDER THAT BREAKFAST IS BEING SERVED IN THE DINING CAR ATTENTION BREAKFAST IS NOW BEING SERVED IN THE DINING CAR.

Miles: Oooh! Pancakes!

Several minutes pass. Miles returns to his seat. 

Cfb_source_code_1_medium

Miles: Man, nothing like some banana pancakes to start the day. I like to call them 'nannercakes to save time. Leaves me with more time to eat 'nannercakes. Winners don't talk. Winners eat 'nannercakes!

So, where was I. Oh yeah, the bomber could be anywhaa--

Cfb_source_code_3_medium

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM [everyone dies]

Reboot. Resending agent.

Cfb_source_code_1_medium

Okay. Made some corrections. Did some restrategizing. Changed a few things. Keep an eye on the clock, Les! Bomber has to be somewhere on here. Got to focus.

Now, where did the explosion come...from...

Agent Miles looks out window.

Cfb_source_code_2_medium

Grass. So...hungry...

Cfb_source_code_2_medium

 

Cfb_source_code_2_medium

Fifteen minutes pass.

Cfb_source_code_2_medium

Aw wait a minute darnit--

Cfb_source_code_5_medium

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM [everyone dies]

 

Initializing re-reboot. Agent Miles re-reinserted.

Cfb_source_code_1_medium

Okay. You know, everything's fixable. We're gonna get this. We've got a damn fine team here. Lotsa good people working here. Not much time to fix this thing, but we're gonna fix this. We're too good not to, isn't that right?

Woman sitting across from Miles clutches purse, looks afraid.

That's right. Let's just get up and look around the place a bit, and--hey, Lloyd!

Cfb_source_code_4_medium

I'm sorry. You must have me confused with someone else.

Cfb_source_code_1_medium

No, that's you, Lloyd Carr! Remember when we used to coach together at Michigan? Les! Les Miles! Buzz? Ol' Pepperpants?

Cfb_source_code_4_medium

I do not recall any gentleman of that name. Good day.

Cfb_source_code_1_medium

Mr. Twinkles? Coach Moondog? Eddie Whitesnake?  Not ringing a bell? The guy who drank a lava lamp after we beat the Bucks in 1990? I bled from my eyes for three days after that! But I'm a man of my word. Nothing?

Cfb_source_code_4_medium

A Michigan man does not joke, sir.

Cfb_source_code_1_medium

Hey, heyyyy come on! Is it that thing with Moeller's wife? You still sore about that? Because I--oh, jeepers. What time ya got, Lloyd?

Cfb_source_code_4_medium

I believe you mean to ask "What time is it presently?"

Cfb_source_code_1_medium

Yeah, sure, I just have this thing I gotta find and--

Cfb_source_code_5_medium

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM [everyone dies]

 

Initializing re-re-reboot. Agent Miles re-re-reinserted. Assistance Proxy Krag1N1 added for force multiplication.

Cfb_source_code_1_medium

All right. Not gonna dwell on mistakes. We all make 'em. Now it's time to learn from 'em. Let's get going!

Female passenger across from him really clutches purse, turns away from Miles, cowers.

That's the spirit! They told me I'd have help this time.

Cfb_source_code_6_medium

That's right, Les. I'm Agent Kragthorpe, and I---

Cfb_source_code_9_medium

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM [everyone dies]

Re-initializing sequence from Krag1N1 insertion point.

 

Cfb_source_code_6_medium

That's right, Les. I'm Agent Kragthorpe, and I---

Cfb_source_code_9_medium

KRAGBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM [everyone dies]

Re-re-initializing sequence from Krag1N1 insertion point.

Cfb_source_code_6_medium

That's right, Les. I'm Agent Kragthorpe, and I---

Cfb_source_code_9_medium

KRAGTHORPALYPSEBOOOOOOOOOOOOOM [everyone dies REALLY HARD THIS TIME] 

 

Removing unstable Krag1N1 element. Note: may cause spontaneous explosions for no reason whatsoever in environment. Proceeding from re-re-re-insertion point Alpha with Agent Miles. 

Cfb_source_code_1_medium

New day here on the train! Learning from mistakes. Not making the same ones again. Gonna stay on track and finish what we've started. Isn't that right, Lurlene?

Woman across from Miles pulls out mace. She sprays Miles for five seconds straight directly in eyes. He does not flinch.

That's the spirit! Is that spearmint? My favorite. Now, lemme see if I can just find ourselves a bomb here. Well, after Les holds the ol' tiger in the bathroom for a minute and gives back the coffee he rented. Excuse me. 

Miles walks into the bathroom. A huge bomb sits on top of the toilet.

Well, I'll be. Let's just get you away from the innocent people on this train and out where you won't hurt anyone.

Miles opens the bathroom window and heaves the black medicine ball-sized bomb out the window. Its fuse hisses in the air as it flies away from the train.

Cfb_source_code_8_medium

Dooley: OH COME ON NOW REALLY THIS IS JUST---

Cfb_source_code_5_medium

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM [Derek Dooley dies]

Cfb_source_code_1_medium

'NANNERCAKE TIME!

Miles claps.


FIN

X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior users will need to choose a permanent username, along with a new password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

I already have a Vox Media account!

Verify Vox Media account

Please login to your Vox Media account. This account will be linked to your previously existing Eater account.

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior MT authors will need to choose a new username and password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join Every Day Should Be Saturday

You must be a member of Every Day Should Be Saturday to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Every Day Should Be Saturday. You should read them.

Join Every Day Should Be Saturday

You must be a member of Every Day Should Be Saturday to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Every Day Should Be Saturday. You should read them.

Spinner.vc97ec6e

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.

tracking_pixel_9341_tracker