THE CURIOUS INDEX, 4/18/2011

THIS WAS A HIGHLIGHT FOR TENNESSEE QUARTERBACKS THIS WEEKEND. Your instructions in the future, QB Justin Worley of the Tennessee Volunteers, are to lay on the ground and hope someone trips over you on reverses.

This really was a highlight for the Vols' qb corps on Saturday. Tyler Bray went 5/30 for 122 yards in the scrimmage and no one should worry about this because it was insanely windy in Neyland on Saturday, the offensive line was patchworky and couldn't block gnat farts, and also because Tyler Bray is clearly the kind of idiot-genius qb who stinks in practices and who in game time turns panic into blind, inspired instinct. Spring practice is now concluded for the Vols, who can now turn toward the important business of firing Mike Hamilton.

MICHIGAN RAISED MONEY FOR CHARITY. THIS IS A THEME. Michigan's scrimmage was sloppy, but it was profitable in the charitable sense as it raised $350,000 for C.S. Mott's Children's Hospital. (HINT: THIS IS A THEME WE WILL REVISIT LATER THIS MORNING.)

WOAAAAAHHHH OHHHH NO WE'RE NOT WAR CHANTING WE'RE WARNING YOU. The Seminoles also suffered from an offensive line shortage, and thus spent most of their spring game watching their signalcallers praying to both mainline and alternate gods for protection and salvation. Lots of nice smashy pictures by Tomahawk Nation were taken, though, with most of the smashy bits involving quarterbacks receiving bear hugs from affectionate defensive linemen.

ALABAMA HAD A VERY SPECIAL GUEST.  In all his sexy glory, the Snake beheld A-Day in Tuscaloosa, a Spring Game that in true Sabanish fashion featured a lot of defense and a boring, choking offensive drive to run out the clock at the end. 92,000 plus attended on a beautiful day when Talladega's warmups were also a possible destination, though Sunday's 'Dega festivities were sponsored by Gene Chizik's mike and babe-handling skills. (Trooper Taylor was not allowed to wave a towel as the white flag for the final lap, and that is a damn shame.)

Alabama were the attendance champs again WOOO LET'S UNVEIL A STATUE OF A DUDE WITH BANGS AND A SHAKER SHOWIN' UP NAHSHUNL FUNYUNSHIP---

SOOOOWEEEEE HAVE A QUARTERBACK. Tyler Wilson looked smooth enough in a leisurely cruise to victory for his side in the Arkansas game, both because he is very good and because there was no blitzing in a high scoring 45-14 intrasquad blowout. (With plays like Shallow Cross and Ronnie Wingo to hand off to, he should look good.)

SO YOU'RE SAYING OUR DEFENSE IS GOOD OKAY. The offense still has no clear running back, but Notre Dame's 3-4 looked snarly in the Blue and Gold game thanks mostly to the immovable object labeled "Louis Nix III" at nose tackle.

IN PETRINO'S OLD RENTAL SPACE: Defense dominated the scrimmage, but Sunny Will Stein looked at ease under center and in the pocket, and for that we give him five Will Steins up on the weekend.

STORM JOHNSON, REPORTING FROM THE SCENE OF MY OWN AWESOME BURSTING OUT ALL OVER THE PLACE. Miami has running backs in Lamar Miller, who tore away on 70 yard and 64 yard TD runs in the Canes' spring game, and Storm Johnson, who is named "Storm Johnson." That's all they have, but Al Golden is happy to run the ball 55 times a game, and will likely have to do so with Jacory Harris and Stephen Morris each throwing two picks on the day. (We repeat: Lamar Miller is faaaaaaaaaaaaast.)

PLEASE TURN THE GRAVITY BACK ON. Nebraska's Taylor Martinez looked spotty as a pocket passer in the Red/White Game in Lincoln, but with the gravity off in the stadium everyone's going to have an adjustment period.

WHAT IS THAT NUMBER IN FRONT OF THE EIGHT? Pitt's spring game was also a blowout, but teams scoring "points" is a novel fun thing for Panthers fans, at least.

OH, BY THE WAY WE'RE TACKLING LIVE NOW BLAMMO-- Western Michigan was tackling quarterbacks in the second half of their spring game, and may not have adequately warned the quarterbacks because getting nailed in the backfield came as a bit of a surprise to them. No one expects the Spring Game Concussquisition!

GEORGIA RECRUITS WEREN'T STEALING, THEY WERE SHOWING THEIR DESIRE AND HUSTLE.  Three UGA recruits--and being 2012 recruits by all reports, they will not count in the Fulmer Cup--stole shit from UGA's locker room on a recruiting visit. Evil Richt has thoughts on this, but they're all in this crazy Cthulhu speak that we assume means you'll be dissected slowly by undying Elder Gods on a crystal slab for all of eternity. You might also receive an immediate scholarship bid from Ole Miss. Either one is a pretty dicey proposition, really.

HALLO BLACK HEART GOLD HANDS. Iowa may have a new receiver, and that's significant even if the balls he's catching won't be the red, white, and blue balls of pure patriotism the now-departed Ricky Stanzi massaged into the lucky hands of Hawkeyes receivers.

BLUE TURF HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH THIS. Boise's spring game was relatively exclamation point-free save for Trevor Harman swinging the controller just so, filling the entire oval with orange kicking power, and blasting an 80 yard punt in the Broncos' spring affair.  Geraldo Hiwat looked nice at wideout, too, an area of need for Boise and a bonus for fans who will now get to bellow "GERAAAAAAAAALDOOOOO" on big plays. Try it now in your living room or cubicle. Trust us: your boss won't mind. #antisocialbehaviorisfun

BOSTON COLLEGE CONTINUES THEIR TORRID OFFENSIVE PACE. One TD in the Spring Game? Yes, that's completely normal here.

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