THE CURIOUS INDEX, 3/29/11

IT'S GAMEDAY. When reading through rejected lines for this Lane Kiffin ad, we thought something was missing, but fortunately LSUFreek not only saw the same issue with lacking dialogue and added just the right touch the ad needed to bring it together.

Fart noise, your wisdom is limitless, your expiration date nonexistent. Freek also put in overtime on the TigerDroppings.com "Tressel signing things" thread, which should cause some inappropriate giggling in whatever administrative situation you're sitting in right now.

SNITCHIN' COMES TO LEE COUNTY.  Dakota Mosley, the lineman who allegedly drove the getaway car in the robbery involving four Auburn football players, has an attorney. That attorney is asking for additional information in the case. 

Mosley's attorney said "the felony charge against Mosley requires proof by the State that Mosley acted with the intent to commit the act charged."

The filing also said "a large amount of the information used to generate" various newspaper articles "is incomplete and inaccurate." The court papers said reports the car the four were in were registered to Mosley are not true.

In legal terms this is the motion to provide discovery, and in real terms it means Mosley's attorney is trying to pry Mosley's charges off the body of charges filed against the three players who allegedly entered the residence and committed the actual physical robbery, and NEVER TRUST THE WHITE BOY. He either rolls on you at the first hint of real jail time or he goes Nordic Berserker in the middle of the robbery and starts shooting everyone, confirming the bitch/psycho dichotomy we learned from repeated viewings of films about prison. (Aka the "Nelson Biederman Theorem.")

IF IT MEANS JON BENJAMIN ON GAME COMMENTARY, WE'RE IN. It may show up in your cable bill, but a higher rate for FX when they pick up 13 Pac-12, Big One*, and C-USA games for 2011 would be totally worth it provided they let Lucky Yates call games as Krieger

THAT'S ALL NICE AND EVERYTHING, BUT RUN RUN RUN. Nick Montana and Keith Price will fight it out for a long while in the race to become Washington's new starting qb, but Chris Polk will really be the centerpiece of the offense no matter how much you care to type "son of Joe Montana!" in articles about the Huskies' spring practices. The racehorse breeding school of athletic analysis delights us, especially when announcers just drop all pretense and actually start discussing things in explicit terms: "Bob, his dad's a quarterback, so you know he injected all that knowledge into his mother while she was fertile, and  now he's not good, and that's proof that he chose a poor mate to pass along his genes. She's a swimmer. You know how bad they are on dry land." Mike Patrick never said this, but you know he could.

WHO WRITES LETTERS TO THE EDITORS OF USA TODAY? Pretty much who you expect. #S-E-C!

FURTHER IMPORTANT READING ON ENERGY VAMPIRES! This part is particularly crucial to the survival of Auburn football in its fight against energy vampires:

General debility, lack of motivation and energy, an emaciated physique, a pallid complexion, and an overall sense of weakness are typically noted. These victims also tended to be highly suggestible people. The dominant partner (energy vampire) always resists a successful treatment, or protection, applied to their victim.

This in no way sounds like anyone we know.

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