THE CURIOUS INDEX, 3/25/2011

IF YOU'D LIKE TO UNSUBSCRIBE FROM JIM TRESSEL'S MAILING LIST, PLEASE CLICK HERE.

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Turns out Tressel didn't tell the NCAA about the initial potential violations regarding OMG TATGATE, but did forward the e-mails to Ted Sarniak, a mentor of Pryor's who is also a "prominent businessman" in Jeanette, Pennsylvania. Sarniak's general profile done by a completely objective outsider can be found here, but he was once found incoherently drunk with glass in his hair, so you know he's a pretty cool bro in at least one respect. If you're tired of this story and its tiny but scuzzy details, clap your hands! [CLAP CLAP]

HE'S SMILING BECAUSE IT TICKLES. Jadeveon Clowney, the nation's number one recruit and the most prominent giant-American to come out of Rock Hill, SC, was frisked by police for some reason in Five Points last night during a night on the town in Columbia around 2:30 a.m. This being Columbia he was not arrested, since the only player stupid enough to do something in Five Points and actually get arrested for it was SuperCracker Blake Mitchell himself, who must have been extremely unapologetic about his actions to responders. Think about this: Stephen Garcia, bon vivant of bon vivants, hasn't been arrested in Five Points. Note the phrasing: in Five Points.

Poiice did not arrest Clowney because they didn't want to ruin a pair of handcuffs. "HAHAHA YOU BELIEVE YOUR PUNY IRONS CAN HOLD ME?"


ATTENTION WHORE CALLS FOR ATTENTION WHORING STRATEGY. Go fuck yourself forever, Ralph Nader, preferably with an unlubricated Pinto.

HORRIBLE THING IS NOTED. Fulmer Cup points to be awarded, but shit, this is horrendous.

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE FRANK SOLICH MOMENT? Our personal favorite, if you're asking, is him standing grimly on the sidelines after watching Jonathan Vilma crush Ben Zajicek on a reverse in the 2001 Rose Bowl.

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