THE CURIOUS INDEX, 3/18/2011

ANDRE'S GOT A SWEET FITTED, BRO. Andre Debose seems excited about spring practice, though we get the distinct (and completely understandable, at this point) impression that someone has NOT finished memorizing the playbook yet.

Lots of excited new hard-working excited there, so yeah, it's a spring practice under a new coaching staff.

JIM TRESSEL ASKS FOR EXTRA SWEET VACATION TIME NOBLE SUSPENSION EXTENSION. The one-eyed monkey god in Indianapolis may or may not act further in the Tatgate case where it concerns Jim Tressel's lies to NCAA investigators (and that is the word, though the motivations may have been in his mind justified and legally motivated.) If you claim to know, you are lying, and that includes those of you working in the NCAA, since you are all liars and you always tell the truth, you collection of paradox robots, you. The default guess is to say that the NCAA used all its hit points for investigations and sanctions on USC a while back and now must recharge while allowing institutions to self-sanction within very wide bounds. A 20 sided die roll can explain damn near everything in life. #geeklife 

SIX HURRICANES POSSIBLY SUSPENDED FOR OPENER, AL GOLDEN DEFINITELY SUSPENDS DAPS RIGHTS FOR JACORY HARRIS. The six allegedly include offensive lineman Seantrel Henderson and five others for "rules violations" of the non-academic variety, and certainly sound like Al Golden asserting himself in his new environs. This is all quite speculative, as you'll not hear anything out of Miami officially about it. What is not speculative is that Al Golden does not like your offers of high-fives, young man, as they are not part of spring practice. MORE CYBEXING AND LESS INTERCEPTIONING FROM YOU, YOUNG MAN.

THIS LIST IS COMPLETELY ACCURATE. LSU's inclusion at #6 is accurate, though they undermine it by posting a picture of a woman with a heroic pair of tits with an entirely accurate narrative of what it is like to walk around the Parade Grounds on a gameday Saturday in Baton Rouge, thus confusing us and leaving mixed emotions of terror and arousal. This clearly means GQ's list makers completely understand the heart of the LSU experience, because that is precisely what it is like.

OH, COME NOW, HAVE YOU SEEN THE HEAD KICKS? IT'S LIKE THEY'RE NOT EVEN TRYING. The best part about editorials like this is that they assume we don't enjoy the aroma of burning standards and corruption surrounding college football. Doubt our attraction to scandal and filth at your own risk, single sentence column writer.

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