COMMENTARY: PAULA DEEN ON GEORGIA'S NEW NUTRITION PROGRAM

Screen_shot_2011-03-10_at_11

(via.)

Now, I leeeeyuve in Savannah, yawwwll, and I have to tail yuuuuuu, we're just craayyyzay over the Dawgs down heeeeyah. But this weeeeyuk, I heard something I just couldn't belieeeeve.

But the team also instituted a rigid nutrition program. How strict is it? During the week, players are told to send in photos of three meals per day and can only eat once it’s approved. It’s similar to when the staff does class attendance checks.

Now, I just think that's DOGGONE CRAZY AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAAA. How are they gonna play without fried cheeeecken coursing through their vaaaains?  Fried cheeeeckin has made football players strawng for years! Why, the whole Arkansas Razorback wide receiving core ate my Butter-Fried Butter Chicken with Injectable Fried Giblet Butter Nodule Nuglets Niblets before the Sugar Bawl, and they almost won that gaayyyme.

Butter-Fried Butter Chicken with Injectable Fried Giblet Butter Nodule Nuglets Niblets

17 whole chickens

18 pounds butter

23 bags of potato chips for batter-makin'

Salt

Pepper

Deep-fryer made from above-ground swimming pool.

Caulking gun with hypodermic needle attachment


Directions: inject all chickens with butter until butter-sweatt level is reached. Crush potato cheeeyyyups. (I like to do mine by throwing them through the back fan of an airboat, but running them over with a car or ATV will do.) Layer chickens in butter and cheeeeyups until each cheeckun is roughly the circumference of a basketbawl. Use basketbawl for comparison, and then deep-fry basketbawl along with cheeckin bawls. Sawwwlt and pepurr to tayste.

 

So like I was sayinn, I just cain't imagine this workin'. This is why on todaaay's show I'm gonna fiyux some of the tastiest recipes I cayun for these poor boys who have to send in all their meals. No hot wiiiyungs? YOU CAIN'T TAKE AWAY THE CRIPSYMEATZ FROM THE BOYS, COACH REEEEYUCHT! IT AIN'T RAAAIGHT!

Here we go!

Bacon_wrapped_honeybees_medium

Mmm, mmm, mmmm, mmmm, mmmmm, mmm, MMMMMM. Flash-fried yellajacket in baaaaycun. You gotta cut the staingers out, which I feed to my huzzzbund. He loves 'em! Ain't that right, Cap'n?

Seacaptain_medium

Cap'n Dropsy McGuffins-Deen: Aye, Maizy! [FALLS OFF BOAT INTO ALLIGATOR'S MOUTH]

Deen: Woo, that mayun of miiiiine! You're gonna love our neyyyyuxt deeeeyush, because eeeyut's fried! You take a pound of buttur, three fried piyyyug nayvels, and add in a half pound of marzipan, sculpt it with a butter knaaaiiiife, and voila! 

FRIED UGA HEAAAYUDS!!!

Deep_fried_uga_medium

They're ineyyduble and cause severe gastric torsion, but they make a beautiful centerpiece for your table or taiiiyulgate. They keep for about three months in the freezer, which miiight be lawnger than the actual UGA dawg, bless his heart. 

Finally, for the dessert, I've got a spayshul suprise for all. AY'VE TURNT THE YOUGEEAYYY SWIMMIN' POOL INTO A GIGANTIC BUTTUR FRAIYUR!!!! We're gonna drop cheesecakes in it from the divin' board until

NO, COACH RIYUUCHT, NOOOOOO---

Uga-butterfly_medium

X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior users will need to choose a permanent username, along with a new password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

I already have a Vox Media account!

Verify Vox Media account

Please login to your Vox Media account. This account will be linked to your previously existing Eater account.

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior MT authors will need to choose a new username and password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join Every Day Should Be Saturday

You must be a member of Every Day Should Be Saturday to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Every Day Should Be Saturday. You should read them.

Join Every Day Should Be Saturday

You must be a member of Every Day Should Be Saturday to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Every Day Should Be Saturday. You should read them.

Spinner.vc97ec6e

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.

tracking_pixel_9341_tracker