THE CURIOUS INDEX, 2/7/2011

HEY, THANKS BURT! Man, Burt Reynolds just cuts through the fog like a whale fart, doesn't he?

(Via.)

CRAIG JAMES HAS FOUND HIS TAG TEAM PARTNER. They shall be called the Choad Warriors, and their reign over the WWE will be short, and kind of shitty.

At NFL-Xperience and Phil Simms just threatened 2 hit me b/c I said his son was 1 of the worse QBs in the SEC. I told him "LET'S GO!"

I am DEAD serious about the Phil Simms thing. We all thought he was joking, but he kept going and said he wanted 2 take a swing at me!!

It ended w/police stepping in between so I could continue my appearance w/fans.

Desmond Howard did in fact call Matt Simms one of the worst quarterbacks in the SEC, a statement of definitive statistical factness that must have appalled Simms on two levels: as a father who hates to hear bad but true things about his son, and because no one in the NFL ever says anything honest about the people they cover because of some strange Senatorial ban on critical speech. (Please note that this does not apply to the NFL Network, where they feel comfortable enough to talk shit about each other.) 

FURTHER ADVENTURES OF ADULTS BEHAVING RESPONSIBLY. Cyrus Kouandjio's tortured recruitment ended with a commitment to Alabama on Saturday and yes, the actual faxing of a non-forged signature to Tuscaloosa. Responses on Facebook were mature, measured, and responsible given the actual importance globally-speaking of an 18 year old's college decisions.

Screen_shot_2011-02-07_at_9

All fealty to your team aside, it's just disrespectful to your genes that were passed down so lovingly through the generations to say such things to larger, stronger, and faster people. Kouandjio now takes the [REDACTED]th scholarship offered by Alabama this year. Nick Saban will not comment, as he is busy waterboarding the shit out of Mark Barron, a task that should keep him occupied through mid-February as he yells "MATCH HIS HIP TO YOUR HIP IN SINGLE COVERAGE" over and over again. All part of the process.*

*That's how you make champions, Paawwwwwwl. Mike DuBose banned the use of electricity as behavior modification, and I ask you: DIDN'T WE GET SOFT, PAAAAWWWWLLL? 

WHAT IS STANDARD PRACTICE FOR US IS SHOCKING TO YOU. Bo Pelini likes his heads rolling and fresh, recruits be damned. This is really only unusual because it is Nebraska, which has a reputation for straight talk with recruits. It will all be forgotten if Nebraska hires away Scott Frost from Oregon, both because Scott Frost is still lionized by the Lincoln general public, and also because he's scary enough to stare everyone into submission. (Please remember: that's him holding LeGarrette Blount back from the crowd in Boise in 2009. He's a Nordic Ice Giant.) 

Note: we see this, and will update later.

"THIS CLASS WAS WEAK AT LINEBACKER AND OFFENSIVE LINE." Not panicking, transition year, breathe into paper bag for hours on end, repeat.

OF COURSE YOU WOULD PROPOSE THAT ALABAMA FANS DID IT TO THEMSELVES. Fescue terrorism is always entertaining, but it crosses the line into "Alabama entertaining" when you unearth the conspiracy theory that Alabama fans did this to themselves.

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