THE CURIOUS INDEX, 2/17/2011

THERE IS UNREST IN THE FOREST.

The roundup on the poisoning of the oaks at Toomer's Corner does point to a new low in a rivalry full of them (and remember, this rivalry  includes a period of 42 years between 1907 and 1949 when they didn't even play the game following the filthy 1907 game.)  The finest wrinkle in all this is that the level of pesticide contamination may be so high that contamination of groundwater may be a real concern, thus putting "Al from Dalewood" at the risk of some particularly nasty fines for whatever damage he may have done to the drinking water in Auburn.*

Literally poisoning the wells is now a glittering facet of the jewel of a rivalry that is the Iron Bowl. Oooooh, remember that one time we sort of defaced the other school's statues? Yeah, just step back, y'all. All other rivalries can just bow to Bobby Lowder and Jimmy Rains getting on the short-wave radio today and yelling about "The Crimson Cockroaches" who perpetrated this against the "Auburn Family." (BTW, the chances of one or both of these programs going on probation in the next three years just went through the goddamn roof, because to hell with dirty pool, they're snapping the cues in half and swinging.)

*And they likely would be some kind of environmental fines, not "Federal charges" as has been circulated elsewhere.

LYDIA ROBINSON TAKES NO SHIT. The best quote from Thayer Evans' (WHY HE HAAAAATIN?) piece on the investigation of the recruitment of two Thibodeaux High football players comes from the grandmother of OL Greg Robinson's grandmother. 

She said Auburn's coaches "weren't very intelligent" and was especially critical of Taylor, who she says "got a lot of lies in there when he was talking."

We assume this woman to this day can produce a belt and scare the shit out of her enormous grandchild. The particulars of the NCAA's investigation now seem to be drifting a bit from any initial curiosity about Cam Newton and towards a general look at their recruiting practices in general. Trooper Taylor's name is mentioned because is always mentioned in these cases. There are two explanations for this: he either presses recruiting rules to their limit and then snaps them in the process, and or HATERZZZZ. One is more likely than the other.

RANDY SHANNON UNDERSTANDS BASIC MATH. YAY RANDY SHANNON. Randy Shannon would have lost a lot of money in the process of becoming Maryland's DC, a bit of simple math explaining why he turned down the Terps and forced them to hire HOLY SHIT MUSTACHE.  Reviewing that photograph, let's just throw the resume aside and state firmly that this worked out well for all parties concerned.

LATE FIFTH OR SIXTH ROUND.  Todd McShay likes Ahmad Black quite a bit, and who wouldn't given his sticky hands, outsized wallop in the run game, and his ability to read plays brilliantly from centerfield. Ahmad Black is really good, NFL people. Give him prize cheeses, money, country hams, and ladies with sturdy frames that can handle the love and attention of a manbeast bent on conquering the world and giving the remains to his fierce progeny. As for WIll Hill, that's gonna be fifth or sixth round, and that suuuuuuucks for him.

NOTRE DAME BETTER WEAR GLOVES. Addazio is contagious, and should be handled with biohazard-safe equipment.

FAMU/SOUTHERN/BIG HATS/BIG HAIR/BIG BANDS. The Atlanta Classic is going to feature Southern and FAMU this year on September 24th, meaning we'll be selling knockoff  22 button Steve Harvey suits on concourse outside the Georgia Dome at UNBEATABLE PRICES for those who forgot their Classic-wear. (Seriously, this is Kentucky weekend, so we may finally go to a Classic this year and get our band geek on like never before.)

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