THE CHILLEST BRO. In day two of our campaign to deliberately misunderstand college athlete tweets, we summon THE THUNDER.
Corey Brown of Ohio State might be talking about Kenny Guiton, his teammate, but let's be honest.
He's talking about soprano sax player Kenny G, because it is way funnier to imagine him relaxing at an apartment covered in PlayStation controllers staring at the popcorn ceiling and vibing out to "Songbird." Watch the video at 3:12 to see the bass player nodding at Kenny G like he's organically enjoying himself, and not just smiling because he did a rail off the back of a snare drum before the cameras started rolling. As @lukezim said, watching Kenny G: "He's like a dope gay butler." We could not agree more.
IN YOUR REQUISITE SOMEWHAT SCARY SPRING NEWS. Florida linebacker Neiron Ball has been hospitalized with a "congenital vascular condition," which is the better outcome on the flipside of "player collapses in spring workouts." Best wishes to him, and we're really hoping this wasn't just luck but the product of excellent advanced health screening by the medical staff.
OH LOOK AT THAT GIF. Someone at the Sentinel finally found the perfect accompaniment to Mike Bianchi's writing: weed gifs from 1999. Dancing banana will go beautifully with that oversigning column, y'all.
THEY DON'T HATE YOU INSTANTLY, AND THAT'S AN AWESOME START. Former Cincy and USF defensive coordinator Joe Tresey will be the new defensive coordinator at UCLA, and Bruins Nation approves. He'll have no idea what a good thing this is until he's been there a while, but seriously, that's a massive achievement from the start. Additionally, UCLA's offense has been so horrible that even if he's bad for a while no one will really notice in the shadow of the Bruins' monument of offensive crapulence.
AND YES WE'RE ALL USING THE SAME CHEATSHEET. There's a lot of detail and trivia in this summary of a discussion with Cal's recruiting coordinator and linebackers' coach Kenwick Thompson, but the most interesting bit is step one in the Cal recruiting process: checking Rivals and Scout. In case you wonder whether major programs let others do at least a smidge of the work for them in talent evaluation, the answer is a resounding "Hell Yes."