FanPost

HASTILY MADE COMMENTARIAT DIGITAL VIKING

On full authority* from Fearless Leader I've assembled a people's Digital Viking for the week because, damnit, DV sets the tone for solid offseason-weekend consumption.  I assembled this quick and with poor attention to detail, like a drunken father assembling a bike on Christmas Eve.  Don't like it?  

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*Conversation occurred only in my mind. Spencer & Holly actually disapprove and I'm patiently awaiting a swing from YON BANHAMMER

PATRON SAINT

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Bill Murray.  Easily one of the most frequently quoted actors by the commentariat. With a body of work ranging from Caddyshack to drunken golf cart escapades to Life Aquatic to crashing random hipster parties, he simply refuses to age or allow cultural norms to define him.  

DRINK

Hemingway Daiquiri. A REAL daiquiri.  This is not the $8 sucrose-151-Red #5 bomb you'll buy from the slurpee machines at Fat Tuesdays.  This is the simple, sublime cocktail that could help our colder look ahead to warmer times.  Many variations of course, but this one works for me using fruit fresh from the tree in the back yard.  

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3 ounces white rum (Just added 10 Cane to my cabinet)

1 oz lime juice

1/2 oz ruby red grapefruit juice

1 oz simple syrup (S.S. is usually equal parts sugar & water)

Ice -> Shake -> BOOOZE -> nap.  

COMESTIBLE

Jerk Chicken Sandwich. Let it be known that I was a fat ass born into a high metabolism body.  Thank COTG, because I love food.  Love stuffing my face.  This was a hard decision, but I had to narrow it down to this simple yet awesome sandwich.  Ballyhoo's in Gainesville has a jerk chicken sandwich to die for and I've been trying to make any excuse to get up there to get one.  Superbly marinated in the acidic fruits that tenderize it, seasoned perfectly so it is delightfully savory.  Served on a bun, slathered with some bahamian remoulade that could grow grass on barren earth where normal seed would find no purchase.  Pic of me is unrelated, but its frankly the best I've looked in years.  

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COMBUSTIBLE

Natural Gas Lines. Now, I can't say this is very funny.  I follow this industry so I see & hear about these all the time.  The picture below was after a farmer hit a transmission pipe with his backhoe.  Know those signs that tell you to call before you dig?  Yeah...make that call. a corroded pipe went fucking boom. [Hey, I said it was "hastily made" in the damn title]

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TRANSIT

The wood-paneled Dodge Caravan. Nothing good can be said about this tragedy of American engineering.  I didn't know a single kid my age that wasn't embarrassed to be seen in one of these.  Thankfully, I was rarely subjected to ride in one but if it were up to me, we'd give these a viking's send off and bury them all at sea.  

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CANON

Merle Haggard.  Real country; this young man was discovered by Johnny Cash and in he reality, he was everything that Cash could only sing about being.  Drankin, jailin, fightin, druggin - all of it and more.  Bonus: was never portrayed by hair-lipped "actor" across from Reese Witherspoon.

 

 

 

HAPPY FRIDAY, MOTHERFUCKERS!

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