AN ENTIRE POST ABOUT BIG MEN FALLING OFF OF SCOOTERS

It's probably not a good idea to have athletes riding any form of two-wheeled transportation, unless we're talking about hot chicks in wheelchairs, right? You're on hiatus, bros, but when you reconvene Two and a Half Men writers, that's all yours for free! To drive the point home, let us revisit Iowa lineman Josh Koeppel's "accident" from September.

We type "accident" because after recent events at Iowa we know realize this was in fact a workout, and one that Kirk Ferentz is going to get to the bottom of as soon as he finishes finding out who really wants to be at Iowa.

The electric atmosphere at Maryland following the hiring of Randy Edsall just got even more unbearably electric. After taking the stage nude at his opening press conference and unveiling his new "mACCavelli," belly tat, Edsall continued the streak of non-stop electricity by announcing that his players will no longer be allowed to ride motorized scooters. Options still available: electric unicycle, diesel-powered street luge, bicycle made of knives, and walking headlong into oncoming traffic with your head down. 

Matt Patchan fails to understand the fuss, however. Per his facebook page, the Gator offensive lineman got into his second scooter accident as a student-athlete at Florida, but is fine. Patchan has now been in two scooter accidents, has blown an ACL, and has survived a stray-bullet shooting in Tampa. He also eats nothing that isn't Kosher by his own esoteric standards, and is into deep books about the evolution of mankind, man.

The status of EDSBS Most Favored Player for 2011 is all but won, but lifetime MFP status is obviously just a single survived skydiving accident away. Make it happen, Kosher Konan! The benefits of this status are limitless!*

*There are no benefits.

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