THE CURIOUS INDEX, 12/6/2011

CLEMSON'S NOW THE MOST VITAMIN C-FORTIFIED CAMPUS ON EARTH.

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You'll get rats that way, but when you're living on Marlboro Reds, cocaine, and hope, you need all the nutrition you can get on the run. LOL Clemson also has necessary visuals to celebrate Clemson's refusal to let you have easy answers about Clemson football. Yes, we realize 8-Ball and Dana Holgorsen are going to be in Miami, and that Dana is already talking to dolphins. You don't need to make friends with the dolphins after you fall off an offshore casino boat; you need to make friends before that ever happens, man. Free advice from Uncle Skullet. Leave a dollar down his shirt if you feel gratitude, which you should.

STILL MORE BOWLAGE. Bill gets statistical and runs the F+ matchups for all the bowls. (If you're unclear on F+, read here. It might help, or might not, depending on your relationship with statistics. Ours is friendly, but spotty, but still friendly like someone who calls every month or so just to see how you're doing.) Bill goes contra the numbers and picks Bama by 7 in the title game. We'd give you his cellphone number, LSU fans, but you know you already have it.

Meanwhile, the WSJ has a this-game-is-this-movie thing, and it's not bad in the least.

DOMINIQUE EASLEY'S ACL WISELY EXCUSES HIM FROM THE HORROR OF THE GATOR BOWL. Lucky you, Dominique. (Old Gator fan: "AH TOLD YOU THAT FANCY SIDELINE DANCIN' WOULD GET YOU IN TROUBLE." Bob Costas: "I certainly agree with your hayseed bumpkin sentiment, old-timer.")

FREEEEEEZE COLD IIIIIIIIICE. Hugh Freeze's first press conference makes Houston Nutt look like a sweaty amateur, and includes an Ed Orgeron imitation of terrifying accuracy. He's undefeated in the media, and 1-0 for revival meetings.

MARYLAND IS PAYING GARY CROWTON MORE MONEY THAN YOU'LL MAKE IN A GOOD SPAN OF TIME. That's infuriating to common sense, but imagine how it must look to Maryland fans.

PURE DISTILLED OUTRAGE. The Solid Verbal's podcast is always required listening, but the Reverbs this week are demented to an even greater degree than usual. (Around the 6:00 mark. Listen for "My school's BCS chances ride on the arm of a grown man named Munchie.")

A PLETHORA OF BIG TEN BLOGGERS FEELING PRODUCTIVE. BHGP has "George Wine" explain his bizarre Harris Poll ballot, MZone has the pitch for why you should spend a grand to go watch the Kraft Fight Hunger Bowl (hint: you shouldn't!), The Only Colors keeps the faith, and OTE plays word association with each bowl game.

LSU'S MARKETING DEPARTMENT HAS MORE FUN THAN YOURS. Hey, there's why you shouldn't ever accuse cheerleaders of not being tough as nails, since they spend half their Saturday watching the horizon spin around them.

ETC: Get your every-grudgeful Cal T-shirts for the Holiday Bowl here. Art Monk and the Dillinger Escape Plan, if you've never heard it. Make time for an old friend, will you? Larry Fedora's goin' shootin', y'all. Childish, we have no problem with, but Alabama fan? YOU SPEAK IN OFFENSES, SIR. (This has 11 recs. We love you all.)

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