MORAPHYLL? MORE LIKE BORAPHYLL

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Oh Jim L. Mora (not a junior; he does not enjoy the bold flavor privileges afforded to people who call-call-call him Junior), you so crazy. Dutiful comrades of the highest calling, Bruins Nation, bring us this gem of a marketing campaign. Imagine it in a dramatic movie trailer voice, if you may: "In a world where fear knows no bounds. Where darkness reigns unopposed and chianti floods the river thames, only one man spare us from the slings and arrows of outrageous boredom. *record scratch* [cue whacky voice] JIM L. MORA! From the people who brought you 'THE FOOTBALL MONOPOLY IN LOS ANGELES IS OFFICIALLY OVER', comes this year's feel good hit of the winter: 'MORE GRIT. MORA FOOTBALL.'"

So let's talk about what this poster does well:

  • It is a poster.
  • Jim L. Mora is wearing an appropriate polo.
  • The Rose Bowl logo adds an element of class as though to signify an impossible dream.
More importantly, let's get to what this poster doesn't do so great:
  • The conviction with which Mora holds the football says "I really thought you'd like this officially licensed football for Christmas but I couldn't quite remember if you still liked football or not. Don't worry; there's a gift receipt taped to the ball underneath my hand."
  • 2012 Season Tickets sound more like judicial sentencing than an incentive to use disposable income.
  • UCLA lost the two games pictures in the photo stills by a combined infinity points.
  • The only believable character in the whole damn thing is Hailee Steinfeld as Jim L. Mora's quarterback.
  • "uclaBruins.com" is a maddening mix of proper capitalization, improper capitalization, and pissing caution to the wind. Seriously: What. The. Hell.
  • The complete lack of 'Deal With It' sunglasses.
It remains to be seen whether the on field product will match the riveting theatrical poster debut. SPOILER ALERT: All signs point to yes.
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