CARL AND BO PELINI TO BE SEPARATED AT SHOULDER

Florida Atlantic has offered the Owls' head coaching position to Nebraska defensive coordinator Carl Pelini, and he is expected to accept the job. This involves sawing Carl away from Bo Pelini, his brother and the head coach at Nebraska. The operation is expected to take up to 10 hours, but will involve no anesthetic because that's for girls and wusses, according to both Pelini brothers simultaneously.

The man leaving the job, meanwhile, decided to share a sliver of his immense knowledge and suspender-wearing charisma with The Daily. We showed this to our attorney, who said "Is there nothing this man can't teach us?" No, counselor. This man knows everything, and contains multitudes.

You should read the full interview, especially for tales of Alabama's recruiting cash stash, but these two quotes really should be tattooed onto some sturdy piece of granite somewhere.

DAILY: You played and worked for Coach Bryant, won national titles and Super Bowls, and built a program from scratch here at Florida Atlantic. What do you think your football legacy is going to be?

HS: I guess it’s gonna be ‘not very smart.’

And this, about the 1984 Orange Bowl versus Nebraska.

We had to come up with some good plays at the end there to win it, but we did force them to resort to the f——-ing fumblerooski. I told them before the game if those bastards have to run the fumblerooski, come to the sidelines and party because they have given up their right of manhood.

Howard Schnellenberger for life, y'all. FOR LIFE.

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