THE CURIOUS INDEX, 12/14/2011


GUS MALZAHN WANTS TO WIN! That's Bill's take, and certainly a reasonable one if you consider just how much coaches like to put themselves in positions to succeed. Fit is important, and so is the rapport you have with the community, and let's not forget the all-important political situation and currents surrounding any job. For Malzahn, Arkansas State blends a manageable slate of competition, room for growth, a safe, quiet place to continue to build his coaching resume, and is a return to his Arkansas roots. Hey, let's not forget the tree stands! Way to go, Gus.

GUZ MALZAHN HATES MONEY AND FAME AND SUCCESS AND THINGS. Now that we've said that: WHAT THE HELL GUS Y U NO LIKE MONEY? Malzahn goes from making $1.3 million as Auburn's offensive coordinator to making $600K as his own man just a year after Vanderbilt nearly handed him James Franklin's eventual job, and after North Carolina looked at him seriously for the job Larry Fedora just landed. This leads to your list of baseless but tantalizing conspiracy theories.

  • Gus Malzahn is a crap interviewer, and pees on the desk to mark his territory as his first move.
  • Gus Malzahn is a survivalist, and seeks an out-of-the-way spot far off the nuclear target map to build a deluxe bunker for his family.
  • Jimmy Sexton fell asleep in the next-to-last step of his gambit to get Malzahn the Arizona State job, and they just accepted and went public and everyone's too embarrassed to say this wasn't intentional now.
  • Gus Malzahn is fleeing a horrendous situation at Auburn. This is the least plausible of these, because everything is fine at Auburn, they are a family, Gene Chizik is a wonderful coach, and no one would ever want to leave unless they were a bad person.

We understand none of this, and wish Gus luck in the suddenly flossy Sun Belt.

OH AND NOW PAT HILL'S GOTTA ADD YOUR NAME TO THE LONG LIST OF ASSES HE HAS TO KICK. TAMU's Tim DeRuyter will land at Fresno State, and you probably don't want to go around any blind corners because there is a dude with a handlebar mustache and a sock full of washers just lurking behind them.

COWBOYS STILL HALLUCINATING. The Cowboys just had two guys popped for paraphernalia, but they wouldn't notice thanks to the vivid hallucinations. "They wouldn't notice if their whole defense left, PAWWWLLLL, because them Cowboys would go 4-8 in the ESS-EEE-SEEE."

PURE IMPREGNATING POWER ON A SINGLE PAGE. Dye and Schnelly on the same page should be illegal in China, because there's no way you're just having one child when looking at that much man.

THAT IS VERY ACCURATE. So yes, Mike Leach does sort of know a dude who works on the periphery of the adult industry. Like that's supposed to make us like him less. Meanwhile, this is an informative and unrelated Google Map.

The EDSBS crew is in their final day of office-type meetings in DC, but we have at least two things queued up. Daddy will be back full time tomorrow.

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