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I'm an old caretaker, call me Sherm
And I'll punt on fourth and two
Then I'll leave you scratching your head
Offense off the field, I'll never fake
'Cause my playcard says punt on fourth and two

You should win nine.
But you fall asleep at halftime.
With your bitchlike punting
And your third down run
You get nothing won
You could win nine.

Now leads get built, and then get blown
It's nothing new today like another Missouri
When I show up like a deer in headlights
Don't ask me where I've been
Just count your stars I woke up again

You should win nine.
But you fall asleep at halftime.
With your bitchlike punting
And your third down run
You get nothing won
You should win nine.

Oooh, you've gone drowsy too many times
Why do you need so much rest?
Why
Must you find
Another way to lose?

While you're makin' more excuses
I been rackin' out my brain
It don't matter how we blow it
'Cause it always ends the same
You can push it for more mileage
But your droning's wearin' thin
And I could bank on it til next year
But this nightmare never ends
Don't forget to kill the defense
With ridiculous demands
And you take NFLAIDS so far
But it's more than I can stand
'Cause this contract's gettin' older
Tell me how long is it for
'Cause four years is forever
And you haven't shown up yet

You should win nine.
But you fall asleep at halftime.
With your bitchlike punting
And your third down run
You get nothing won
You could win, you should win, you should win nine.