[Interior: Head coach's office. He is on the phone. Music plays in the background.]

Gundy: I was thinking the same thing, sweetie red-dirts! I mean, this OU thing will take care of itself I guess, so no need to get worked up either way. Doesn't seem like anyone is talking about it anyway. Ever since that Iowa State thing -- yeah, dear. Yeah. Uhnhun. I know you like New Orleans. But that's what I'm saying! Urban had it right about taking your time and smelling the roses. Enjoy the family, not be so serious.



Losing to Iowa State makes you think about where you are. What you're doing. The chance for national glory that you crapped away! That's why I sent all the coaches home at 5, and I'll be home around 6! Shutting down and heading out, snuffybumpkins! [hangs up, turns up iTunes]

[sings]
Just hooooooooold me and tell me
You'll be here to love me today!

Goldarn, Norah, you sure help me find my serenity hut.

[iTunes shuffles]

THE SONG CHANGES ABRUPTLY
Hey, what's this? Reminds of my pre-grown-man days, back when I was 36.... Making me... feel. Strange.... rrraaWWWWWRrrAAHHHH YEEEEEEEESSSSSSS HAAAAAAAAAAAATE

FUCK OU For all it’s worth
Every inch of land thief Earth
Fuck Bob Stoops, don’t leave him out!
He hates Jesus and kills puppies


Grown man, ulcer, unjust okies, OSU please
Beat OU, T. Boone builds a statue

I’m forcing you down, and grinding against you
Let the Cowboys break

For every fucking second the pathetic media uses the terms “Big Game” and “Bob Stoops” in one paragraph because of shit that happened 10 years ago instead of dick-tripping gag farmer - look here - fuck you aaaallllllllllllllllllllllllll

Expect the worse, you bleeding heart,
Fuck you Stoops and your dick orchard
I saw it on Prevail and Ride
That Bob Stoops grows big giant cocks


Invite Bedlam, produce weapons, shoot out, burn down
No LHN or media now

All the T. Boone money, free Lexus loaners and paid non-work in the fucking world couldn't buy me one second of trust or one ounce of faith in anything he’s about
Fuck Bob, PAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWLLLLLLLL

Nothing is worth the sleep that I've lost
Apologies unacceptable now
A blistered revenge awaits in me
This is fucking loveless
Hate
Hate mail is not read, in jail instead
Hate x4
The Lord knows, there's worse
Ignore, this curse
Hate x4

[Slams open desk drawer, grabs phone, texts to all assistants] WHERE YOU AT, NOT EVEN 6 GET THE HELL BACK HERE

[Follow text] Won’t be home tonight snuffy, gotta beat Oklahoma.