Welcome to the Price Is Right. When we left for commercial, we were just getting to know our next contestant. Your name, please?
Of course it is! Why, what do you do for a living, Turner?
I was--am a football coach.
That was--is STUPENDOUS, Turner. Are you ready to play Cliffhangers today?
Ready, but Bob, I have to warn you: do to an obscure clause in my contract, I can only use the rankings of my defense from 2011 as guesses in numerical games of chance.
You'll be fine. Oddly enough, our items today are just defensive categories and rankings from this year's NCAA Football Stats.
No one likes a wiseass, Turner. Okay, first number: opponent's third down performance. Greater or less than 110?
Gotta go with less. My boys had their ups and downs, but there are 120 schools in FBS football, Bob.
We'll see if you're right! For the climber's sake, I hope you are!
There he goes...
...and oh my...
...oh, that's too bad.
Bob, I'd really like another chance.
That's the spirit. Let's try rushing TDs allowed, then!
Or maybe passing TDS!
Yards per rush defended? How about yards per pass defended?
Goodness, Turner. Opponent pass completion? Sacks per game? Tackles for loss? Opponent pass completion?
I'm sorry, Turner, but this doesn't seem to be your game.
It's a strange contract. Buyout's nice, too. Are you hiring?
Nope! Haven't worked here since 2007.