In our billionth post on the internet today about someone getting fired, Rick Neuheisel's official exit from the UCLA job caps a bloody 48 hours of coaching losses. Neuheisel will need a new job and need one quickly, and in this economy that won't be easy. Fortunately, we have suggestions.
1. Local Los Angeles Cable Access Show Host. Like this guy, but with hair.
LET'S PAINT AND RUN AND MAKE BLENDED DRINKS AND LOSE TO USC BY 50.
2. Bob Davie Stunt Double.
3. Mall Recording Studio Producer, Owner, and Operator
4. Really Inaccurate Running Coach. "Eat whatever you want, and I mean whatever: old magazines, batteries, dead mice, whatever."
5. Barker Beauty
6. Modern Warfare 3 Game Curator and Original Four Loko Procurer for Team John Mayer
7. Internet Explorer Street Team Evangelist
8. Dollar Movie Theater Critic
9. Restless Legs Prescription Drug Treatment Spokesperson
10. Star of UPN series "My One Dad." About a guy who raises an imaginary daughter in a desert scrapyard while tripping balls on cough syrup
11. Swaziland's First Astronaut. And its last.
12. Roadie for a fictional band in a movie starring Mark Wahlberg. He will have no idea it's not an actual musical act.
13. New Boss on The Office, Season 38
14. Cran-Grape Mixologist
15. Ye Olde Renaissance Faire CPR Instructor
16. Rival Gigolo of Thomas Jane in "Hung" who's really bad at his job.
17. Recruiting Coordinator, Sportsbybrooks.com
18. Offensive line coach, University of Florida. :(
19. World's Nicest DHS Screener. A full cavity search, sir? I promise, it won't so much as tickle, buddy.
20. Barista at Original Starbucks in Pike Place. Just to brag to his parents he's doing something with his life.
21. Governor of California. Since after four years nothing happens, and then someone else takes over and fails.
22. USC campus loop bus driver.