TWO SCIENTISTS MADE YOU A BCS


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Dr. Smartula: GENTLEMEN. I need science!

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TWO SCIENTISTS: That's great because we made you...

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...A B-C-S!

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It makes breakfast cereal from old football cleats

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It's not really cereal, but shut up and eat

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Can do your taxes and save you some bread

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We are sorry it sent a picture of your dick to the IRS instead

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Championed by the Nobel folks for curing you of polio

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Unfortunately you now possess an even more diverse exotic disease portfolio

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It's a children's toy that's also a snack

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It kills children and is poisonous, we take that one back

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Your dog will love to play with it and maybe even lay with it

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We hope you find it cute when they're put to sleep and set aflame with it

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Unlike polls of the coaches, it will keep us level-headed

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Plus this sucker's fuel-efficient, but it only runs on leaded

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BCS saw college football, thought it needed a boostin'

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That's why you need an Orange Bowl with Rutgers and Houston.

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The BCS told me always believe in love

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We married in June

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We had stars in our eyes!

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It left us with babies and never paid up

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He's a dick and I love him, don't believe his lies

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HE A DOG MAURY A DOG WE SAY

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Hear hear to that!

[breakdown] [furious record scratching]

 

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B-C-S!


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Jesus said he turned water to wine

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BCS turned it back, said water's just fine

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It's the salt-free seasoning with none of the spice

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Just a tasteless dust you can put on your rice

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Don't call it a spice, cause it doesn't exist 

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Puts shiny nothings on Hancock's wrist

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Got a Pentium II processor and well over twenty megs

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Respect the history of the Cotton Bowl, sponsored by L'eggs

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We made told it to kill and sent it to space 

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Programmed to destroy all but the human race

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It went rogue and we were afraid

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Of ruining all the science we made

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Found the homing beacon, Scientist One on the case

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Scientist Two got the whip and we gave it a chase

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Followed beeps to Biloxi, a smoky casino

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BCS sold cigarettes in the bathroom, and wouldn't you know

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Had a gambling problem and a meth addiction

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Scientists One and Two gave him no friction

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We found a good treatment facility for him 

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And he's doing much better now that he's turned his life over to Christ

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Which works for him, even though we believe only in science. 

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Yes it does.

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[record scratching noise]

 

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B-C-S!

 

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If you don't like our product you can find another option

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Like NBA lockout news or TLC's "Dwarf Adoption"

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Got very clear directives from our man Mike Slive

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Do what you must to keep the Red Roof Inn in Shreveport alive

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(His cousin runs it and the rooms are clean enough I guess)

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(But sleep with your clothes on just to be sure)

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Scientist one, what's better than this?

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Scientist Two, your proposition?

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A title game with one SEC team

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I have one better to add to this scheme

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Scientist one, make the honeys scream

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A TITLE GAME BETWEEN TWO SEC TEAMS

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GET LOOSE WITH IT NOW---

[They dance]

 

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Scientists, this is the worst thing you've ever made. Thievery. Corruption. Fraud. All in a single simple scheme! Gentlemen, I...

 

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....

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I LOVE IT! I ABSOLUTELY ADORE IT!  HUZZAH, SCIENCE!

 

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YAYYYYYY SCIENCE!!!

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