Dr. Smartula: GENTLEMEN. I need science!
TWO SCIENTISTS: That's great because we made you...
It makes breakfast cereal from old football cleats
It's not really cereal, but shut up and eat
Can do your taxes and save you some bread
We are sorry it sent a picture of your dick to the IRS instead
Championed by the Nobel folks for curing you of polio
Unfortunately you now possess an even more diverse exotic disease portfolio
It's a children's toy that's also a snack
It kills children and is poisonous, we take that one back
Your dog will love to play with it and maybe even lay with it
We hope you find it cute when they're put to sleep and set aflame with it
Unlike polls of the coaches, it will keep us level-headed
Plus this sucker's fuel-efficient, but it only runs on leaded
BCS saw college football, thought it needed a boostin'
That's why you need an Orange Bowl with Rutgers and Houston.
The BCS told me always believe in love
We married in June
We had stars in our eyes!
It left us with babies and never paid up
He's a dick and I love him, don't believe his lies
HE A DOG MAURY A DOG WE SAY
Hear hear to that!
[breakdown] [furious record scratching]
Jesus said he turned water to wine
BCS turned it back, said water's just fine
It's the salt-free seasoning with none of the spice
Just a tasteless dust you can put on your rice
Don't call it a spice, cause it doesn't exist
Puts shiny nothings on Hancock's wrist
Got a Pentium II processor and well over twenty megs
Respect the history of the Cotton Bowl, sponsored by L'eggs
We made told it to kill and sent it to space
Programmed to destroy all but the human race
It went rogue and we were afraid
Of ruining all the science we made
Found the homing beacon, Scientist One on the case
Scientist Two got the whip and we gave it a chase
Followed beeps to Biloxi, a smoky casino
BCS sold cigarettes in the bathroom, and wouldn't you know
Had a gambling problem and a meth addiction
Scientists One and Two gave him no friction
We found a good treatment facility for him
And he's doing much better now that he's turned his life over to Christ
Which works for him, even though we believe only in science.
Yes it does.
[record scratching noise]
If you don't like our product you can find another option
Like NBA lockout news or TLC's "Dwarf Adoption"
Got very clear directives from our man Mike Slive
Do what you must to keep the Red Roof Inn in Shreveport alive
(His cousin runs it and the rooms are clean enough I guess)
(But sleep with your clothes on just to be sure)
Scientist one, what's better than this?
Scientist Two, your proposition?
A title game with one SEC team
I have one better to add to this scheme
Scientist one, make the honeys scream
A TITLE GAME BETWEEN TWO SEC TEAMS
GET LOOSE WITH IT NOW---
Scientists, this is the worst thing you've ever made. Thievery. Corruption. Fraud. All in a single simple scheme! Gentlemen, I...
I LOVE IT! I ABSOLUTELY ADORE IT! HUZZAH, SCIENCE!