ADMINISTRATOR: We must tell you, despite your strong interest in our coaching vacancy, we find your application materials to be quite unorthodox. All of your paperwork seems to be in the form of telegram dispatches.
Also, it says here that you once coached under a man named Hop-Along Hobelitz. Is that a real person, sir?
Um, okay. Moving right along... Under "Last Employer" you checked the box for "Do Not Contact". May we ask you about that?
Sir, are you okay?
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