Official Transcript of the Big East Expansion Press Conference



Big East Commissioner John Marinatto: Ladies and Gentlemen, this has been an exceptionally tragic week for college football, and human beings everywhere. This is why we at the Big East decided now would be a perfect time to unite America around the new future of College Football...the new and invigorated Big East Conference. 


As many of you know, our conference has been besieged with defections recently. In order to recalibrate for the 21st century, we have decided to invite 7 new schools, allowing us to switch to a 12 team, two division format that will launch the Big East back into it's rightful place in the College Football elite.


One division will consist of our previous 5 institutions, UConn, Rutgers, Cincinnati, Louisville and South Florida, along with previous Big East member, Temple. This configuration will allow us to retain historical rivalries, like Cincinnati vs Temple, and South Florida vs UConn, which have gone on for literally ones of years. We will call this division, The Big East, to avoid confusion.


We have the unique opportunity to expand the Big East brand into previously underdeveloped markets. To capitalize, we've invited Boise State, Air Force and BYU to join. These programs have been stalwarts of college football success in the western united states, making them perfect fits for the Big East.


While we hope these new additions will help expand our presence in the western us and give us new credibility on the football field, we didn't stop there. Big East football was also given the chance to both expand our footprint, and place the league on new, firm, financial footing. In exchange for agreeing to bankroll this ridiculous confederation, we are inviting China to join the Big East. With an enrollment of over 1 Billion, we're optimistic that China can quickly make the transition to Big Time College Football.


We've continued to search eastward for other expansion opportunities. We are thrilled to also welcome Iran into the Big East Football family. Iran brings a fanaticaly devout fanbase into a region that could use a little more excitement. We're looking forward to the natural rivalry they may develop with BYU. We're already working on designing a Mormons and Mullahs statute for the annual game.


Our final new member really personifies the bold action and forward thinking of the Big East. We're excited to welcome the International Space Station, which will begin conference play next season. We look forward to exciting grudge matches with Air Force to determine true aerial superiority. The new Big East truly respects no boundaries, be they geographical, political, cultural, or atmospheric.


The new mission of the Big East is truly to showcase our brand far and wide, and redefine what we think of college football. Our second division's name will reflect our new mission....Widening The Frontiers.  The Big East and the Big East WTF champs will play in the Big East Title Game, for an automatic bid in the BCS. Or the NFL Europe Title game. You know, whoever will take us.


We'll continue to look at other possible expansion candidates in the future. The Kansas City Royals have expressed interest, as has Ebay. We'll evaluate those opportunities as the time comes.


The Big East. Widening The Frontiers.

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