I don't generally post here anymore because I've been busy as of late and more active on twitter. However, I would like to take the time to put my rant-pants on and get something off my chest....Remember when football was fun? I mean really. Can you remember when football seemed like it was the one thing in your life that didn't suck and disappoint you at every turn? I do. I remember those golden moments before the season in which you could have not given a shit about your job, family, health, appearance, sex life, and mental well-being all because of glorious football. It was the hope of football that pushed us through a spring of depression and a summer of despair to a fall of happiness.
However, as the season has progressed, football no longer seems to be the fount of happiness many of us thought it would be, but rather turned into a black hole of cynicism and anger. What's most interesting is that this change of heart has nothing to do with what has happened on the field, but off. So much shit, from violations of conduct to motherfucking piece of shit conference fucking realignment talk, has made me tired of college football and consequently tired of life.
It's times like these when we lose all perspective and it becomes very easy to just begin to become a fucking asshole and shit on everything and anyone and/or turn to massive amounts of alcohol (too late) and/or drugs (too easy/almost cliche). BUT I'M NOT.... Instead, I'm going to create a list, the check-down pass of blogging, of all the shit that currently makes me angry about football and then another of the things that make me happy about football. Hopefully, by doing this you and I can get all the anger out and focus on the positives!! Hooray Psychology!
Here's what makes me mad about college football:
- Conference Realignment - Nobody likes watching or playing musical chairs unless you are either drunk or in [INSERT LAWLESS SOUTHEAST ASIAN COUNTRY HERE]. Drunk musical chairs is fun because someone inevitably hurts themselves by either impaling themselves on the leg of a chair or by missing the chair completely, causing severe hematoma of the ass or leg. Musical Chairs in [INSERT LAWLESS SOUTHEAST ASIAN COUNTRY HERE] is more fun to watch than participate in because if you don't get a chair, you get shot. BUT, you can gamble on who wins, so that's a positive. Conference Realignment is neither, so fuck you, Conference Realignment.
- Tom O'Brien - Failure is fun to watch, but abject failure is pathetic and sad.
- Recruiting Violations - This deserve its own post, but to be short: If the NCAA were any more inconsistent with its handling of recruiting, it'd be the Tony Romo of sports governance bodies.
Here's some of the things that make me happy about college football:
- Pancake Blocks
- Angry Coaches
- Dumb Coaches Who Are Not Tom O'Brien
- Crazy Coaches
- Uncle Verne and Uncle Gary
- Fat Man Touchdowns
See, that's not that bad. The good always outweighs the bad. If you just sit and think about it, the world's not all that fucked up unless you're Ole Miss (You're basically fucked there, guy). Here's my goal for y'all: Let's Make Football Fun Again.
Fuck realignment. Fuck bumbling bureaucracy. Fuck Clemson. Forget all that shit, let's have fun again.