HEY THE FLORIDA DEPTH CHART PRODUCED BY CHARLIE WEIS

Let's just review the depth chart as proposed by Charlie Weis. It is above his pay grade to lay out exactly what it is, but if they had to start a game right now, and not in three days against LSU, this is what it might look like:

1. Jeff Driskel

2. Tyler Murphy

3. Jacoby Brissett

Now, according to Weis, if Brissett had been further along and had enrolled early, he could be further up the depth chart. Weis himself said this was a result of Brissett still being in high school, but hypothetically, if Brissett had been older, and enrolled early, this is what the depth chart could have looked like.

1. Driskel

2. Brissett

3. Murphy 

However, while we're entertaining possibilities that couldn't exist, let's say that Andrew Luck decided he felt too blessed in life, and wanted to devalue that Stanford degree by converting it into a Florida degree to add some degree of difficulty to his eventual track to upper middle class livin'. In that case, the depth chart would look like this: 

1. Andrew Luck (transfer)

2. A telekinetic cheetah-man hybrid

3. Driskel

Apologies. Charlie meant to add in "cheetah-man hybrid, but that kind of got overlooked in all the excitement over Luck transferring in via this totally made-up scenario. Also, you didn't ask about what would happen if we sewed them all together end-to-end to test Weis' theories regarding human digestion and the creation of a quarterback centipede?

1. Driskel-Murphy-Brissettpede

Sorry, Cody. Show up late because you were finishing high school, and that's what you get. But you know, there are other hypotheticals. GUSTY hypotheticals, ones that might take a while to explain but I'll do it anyway. Weis could organize them by alphabetical order, or height, or even by weight. That would make no sense, but we could do it. Hell, if Weis really wanted to, he could just order them like this:

1. CSI Bucksnort

2. NCIS Lubbock

3. Extreme Makeover Dog Plastic Surgery Edition

We're sorry, those are the names Weis has for each of them. He names all his quarterbacks after imaginary television shows. Brady was Survivor: Burundi. Matt Cassel was Muffin Boss. Jimmy Clausen was Breast Coast Choppers. What do they mean? That's between me and them, and I'm not gonna help you guess.

Have we gotten the point across that Charlie Weis won't tell you shit about the starting lineup, but will waste no less than five minutes per answer in doing so? Bill Parcells may have just called your question stupid, but in retrospect that seems like an act of mercy compared to the alternative. 

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