THE CURIOUS INDEX, 10/27/2011

THE CHILLNESS WOULD BE SUFFOCATING WERE IT NOT CHILLNESS.

We think we've figured out why no one kills each other at Georgia/Florida. Okay, why no one who travels here for the game and who is not a homicidal local kills someone over this game. (Remember: only locals commit murder over the cocktail party; fatalities occur with revelers when they fall drunkenly off of things or down stairs.)

No one kills each other over this game because by the time you have parked your ass on the beach, and had your eggs, and maybe a few morning cocktails with coffee, your overall anger level has plummeted to something just under that of a slightly irked moose swatting away a single horsefly on a perfect day eating moss in the woods. Like, we read this this morning, and not even the tired, telegraphed punches of Georgia fans--predictable, hiveminded Georgia fans, who all have the same five jokes, and repeat them IN SEQUENCE AND IN UNISON--can bother us on the eve of what could be the opposite of a real good time.

(BTW, if you want innovative UGA/FL fun, this is as good as it gets, especially when you get into the comments.)

EXCUSES IN ADVANCE.  Just prepping this in case Saturday gets bad. Not that we care on Thursday (see overwhelming chill,) but it will divert some of our usual urge to slaughter our offensive coordinator (whoever it is) when we're having a field goal time against Dumbass Todd Grantham's defense. (Todd Grantham's name shall never appear in this space without the word Dumbass in front of it. It's a title of sorts and that makes him nobility.) Florida may be just as dirty as some programs in the SEC in many ways, but by the numbers oversigning has NOT been one of them. By the way, get on that oversigning shit as soon as you can, Coach Boom. Love, Unethical and Loving Fan.

SENATORS OH GOOD. Politicians are now involved in the realignment bullshittedness, so we might as well rank and scout them, too. We are shocked as always that Mitch McConnell pulled himself away from drinking the precious blood of infants to do anything besides sustain his own fat shitbag ass, but football really does have an appeal that extends toward lizard people and full members of the species alike.

IF THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENS. If the West Virginia/Louisville debacle is worked out--and remember, the Big 12 could take both of them now that human lampreys like Senators are involved--then the members of the Big 12 have already reached out to educate the 'Eers faithful about which locales allow and do not allow couch burning. In Stillwater it's fine as long as there's no more than a 5 mph wind, which means it is NEVER legal in Stillwater. (Part of the conspiracy, dammit.)

THIS IS CHILD ABUSE. But stylish child abuse, dammit.

WHEN YOU'RE DOWN, DOUBLE DOWN. "I have been a Notre Dame fan for 120 years and object to your introduction of the technologies of this debased age into my football sanctum. Also, please run the box offense and desist this spread madness."

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