I CALL HIM GAMBLOR: WEEK 8

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Sometimes when you're sitting in your cubicle on a Friday and you're day dreaming as to what lies ahead or what good luck once afforded you, it's natural for your mind to begin to drift a bit. You start to think about that one time that one stupid hail mary gave you a miracle cover, or that other time where you were so lit up on gas station champagne that it was a minor miracle you correctly chose the under in that Mississippi State-Auburn game.  But that's how gambling goes. Sometimes you win, most times you don't. Sometimes you're lucky, most times, well, it was the fun of the process all along, am I right? On that note, it's positively time to make it rain with WillyBucks. Sure, we may have only gone 4-4 on the whole last week to bring the season total to 32-23, but it was the fun we had where Gene Chizik totally trolled us all that made it all worth while, now wasn't it? Who will be this week's Chizik figure? Click through and see (or risk being unknowingly Chizik'd, the worst kind of Chizik'd there is).

Arkansas at Mississippi (+14.5), 12:20 PM

Hot diggity it's giggity: the good Reverend leads one of the least watchable teams in America against one of the least happy human beings alive. Come for the humanity; stay for the stark lack there of! Arkansas finds themselves in the Top 10 sort of by default presently. Sure, they beat Texas A&M (as will become a trend for many seasons to come -- hey-o!), but like, sans Knile Davis, this team doesn't have the bite many thought they might going into the season. Ole Miss? Well if you've seen any of the Saw movies, you've already seen more than enough.

The bet: Ole Miss +14.5 You only live once. Let Houston Nutt deliver you from evil.

The bet within a bet: O/U Arkansas turnovers 2.5. Over. Inexplicably this will be that one Houston Nutt game that happens every year. They have no business doing anything they do but it will somehow all makes sense Sunday morning.

The bet within a bet within a bet: This would be the most absolutely boring film ever made Y/N:

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I think we both already know the answer to this.

Georgia Tech at Miami (-3), 3:30 PM

Some hot ACCtion to get the gambling blood pumping, Coach Paul Johnson and his now pass happy foot soldiers head to the most cavernous professional football stadium in college football (at least this side of Pittsburgh). Miami finds themselves 3 point favorites which is fitting given that they beat and covered the spread against Ohio State but also were beat and failed to do so against Kansas State. Fate's cruel hand, no?

The bet: Georgia Tech +3. If you bet against Georgia Tech, CPJ will fine you and waterboard you. I wish I was joking in the least.

The bet within the bet: Georgia Tech O/U 3 passing TDs. While the Wramblin' Wreck certainly passes more these days, that doesn't necessarily ultimately result in 6 points aerially everytime.

The bet within the bet within the bet: You're surprised in the least that this is the top Google Image result for 'Paul Johnson e' Y/N

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BTW, don't ever see what CPJ did to that poor man. For your own good.

Auburn at Lousiana State (-21), 3:30 PM

Oh, Auburn. You're the most trollingly trolly gambling team this side of Clemson. We'd all be better off just saying proper eff to both of you and moving on but we keep finding our lives intertwined time and time again. Someday we'll all be free, but that day is not today. No, instead we have to put fictitious dollars on an outcome between two of the greatest minds the world has ever seen. We're truly fortunate to live in such exciting times as these.

The bet: Auburn +21. This puppy didn't sway at all when the Honey Badger and Spencer Ware were ruled out. Auburn loses, but by closer to something like 13-17.

Bet within a bet: LSU QBs, O/U turnovers: 1.5. Over. Gene Chizik and Ted Roof's defense is roughly as sentient as they are but they will be gifted a few freeby's in this one, via the luck of the Auburnish.

The bet within a bet within a bet: You can ever burn this image from your mind yes/no:

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Afraid not amigos. Killed far too many brain cells trying already.

Texas Tech at Oklahoma (-25.5), 8:00 PM

Hey look, it's that team that Craig James puppeteered into firing one of the most genuinely compelling, exciting to watch coaches in the business all because his weiner kid couldn't get on the field. They sure seem unlikable. Add fuel to the fire that they now run a neutered version of the once pass happy AIr Raid and you've got a product that I totally wouldn't mind being set on fire and/or losing to a better team by 25+.

The bet: Texas Tech +25.5. I went them ablaze but imagine it will be by a mere 21-24.

The bet within a bet: O/U TTU passing yards, 275. Under. Craig James is just the worst.

The bet within a bet within a bet: I've got nothing for you, it just had been too long since we'd run this Y/N:

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Clearly.

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