THE CURIOUS INDEX, 10/17/2011

KNOXVILLE, TN - OCTOBER 15: Head coach Les Miles of the LSU Tigers leads his team in their usual pregame warmup song "Head, Sheauxlders, Knees, and Teauxs."

LES MILES YOU ARE OUR ONLY SUNSHINE. If the rest of this season is unfolding like a Japanese horror film, the one bright spot comes in Les Miles' continuing success as a human being and football professional. LSU leads the BCS standings by a very slim margin, and we know this from reading articles and most certainly not from watching Skip Bayless and Craig James sodomize the English language and good taste on ESPN's BCS show. (Worst porno EVER.) We are pulling for LSU in the Alabama/LSU horse race to the finish here mostly for the visual of Tigger Les Miles bouncing to victory ahead of the drudging Eeyore of Nick Saban. (In postgame presser: "Awww, thistles.")

CRAAAAAAAAAAAP. Lattimore out for the season with an ACL, thus reducing the SEC East race, already a fight between toothless pensioners for a stale bagel found on the sidewalk, to a fight between toothless and legless pensioners over the aforementioned bagel, which is actually filled with salmonella and will give them the hopeless deadwater trots in the form of losing to the SEC West rep.

MARK RICHT DEALT WITH THAT. Politely and confidentially, of course, though we like to think Richt picked up the phone and screamed bloodcurdling profanities into the line for 45 minutes and terrified James Franklin into a stunned silence. Todd Granthan has now assed out twice in public in two years, and if somehow Georgia manages to lose to a horrendous Florida team in two weeks we expect nothing less than Grantham pooping on the sideline in protest. Erk woulda done it! Or not! Whatever!

AUBURN HAS NO STARTING QB EITHER. It didn't stop them from winning an offensive shootout in a 17-6 win over Florida excuse us--

GODDAMMIT WHY FUCK EVERYTHING WHYYYYYY

---but Auburn doesn't have a starting qb, either.

YOU'RE GOOD BUT DOOMED AND $$$$$ PVS. Thayer Evans is among the most adept of our young trolls.

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