THE CURIOUS INDEX, 10/13/2011

THAT GODDDURNED NCAA. IT'S ALL A CONSPIRACY. They sit up in their fat offices in New York,* trying to take the Auburn family down. Just jealous of everything we've built down here, of our success, of our...you know, of those things we have. Singling us out! That's what the NCAA and every other hater is about, Paul! Just jealous they ain't us, and---

The NCAA released a statement Wednesday saying it has closed its 13-month investigation into Auburn's recruitment of the Heisman Trophy-winning quarterback, whose father shopped his services to another school for up to $180,000....

The NCAA also cleared Auburn in allegations by four former players that they received payments during their recruitment or careers.

---LIKE I WAS SAYIN' THESE PEOPLE KNOW WHAT THEY'RE TALKIN' ABOUT! WOOOO WAR DAMN EAGLE!

Auburn_not_guilty_medium

Sounds like someone is owed some apologies HAHAHAHA we're sorry that just felt too good to type. Quoth every Auburn blogger ever: "All-in, Auburn family, magic and spirit and pixie farts, and heaps of bullshit piled on heaps of bullshit" <---SOUNDS LIKE HATIN' PAWWWLLLLLLLL. It is! We hope that you choke. (You probably won't, and will beat us by a field goal this weekend, but still.)

THE UNDEFEATEDS. If Alabama doesn't go undefeated after the LSU game, go ahead and ask Nick Saban to talk to A.J. McCarron like every question, because he'll deserve every bit of needling for blowing a good level shot at a clean slate.

MIGHT WANT A FEW MORE GUARANTEES THERE BUDDY. Navy is a leading candidate for Big East membership, but it wants a little more on the table in the way of exit fees before it commits. You're imagining the triple-option versus Dana Holgorsen's Hair-Raid, aren't you? It's a pleasing thought, yes, especially the attempted four-point conversion to win it? You say this isn't possible under the current rules? Holgo says that's why you fail, son.

DID WE OVERVALUE UF'S DEFENSE. Well, allowing more first downs than any other team in league play might point to that being a correct assumption, Pat Dooley. So would defensive linemen getting pancaked all over the place and linebackers chasing the play before it even starts.

By the way, having just done this, we will say this: playing LSU and Alabama back to back is worse than Ring of Bright Water because you get baby otters at the end. All you get from playing LSU and Bama: injured QBs, inane emails from the stupidest Alabama fans on earth (and ohhhh holy shit is that a new Dead Sea of stupid there) and texts from your LSU friends at three in the morning reading "TIHER B8" (because they're drunk, but you should have assumed that anyway.)

OCCUPY HERBSTREIT. Protest movements all have their Thermidor, and Occupy Herbstreit may be the current moment's high point.

OHHH STEPHEN.  Holly's eulogy for the Garcia era is mournful, while Garcia Gold is now the drink of choice.

FIVE HOURS OF SPREAD OFFENSE. The Solaris of offensive video summaries. (Via.)

*The NCAA offices are actually in Indianapolis, IN.

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