ANDREW LUCK TO STAY AT STANFORD

It's not like staying at Stanford another year ever made anyone poorer in the long run. You just meet more fabulously wealthy people, make more breezy lucrative connections, get another round of the dedicated and thorough handjobs, and then proceed to the Patton Oswalt-approved sheet cake of victory that is your life as a Stanford graduate. Andrew Luck won't starve for not coming out in the draft in 2011.

So if Andrew Luck wants to finish up his architectural design gig, that's not a dumb decision. He's clearly not Jamarcus Russell, the case of someone who desperately needed to snag the big NFL signing bonus before the expiry date on his career voided all future earning potential. That's hindsight since Russell was seen by many as a can't miss prospect when he came out, and not a limitless sponge one could pour Raiders bonus money and promethezine cough into forever.

(You can pour other substances into Jamarcus, too. Aneccdotal reports of Russell soaking up an entire tanker truck of corn syrup are likely true and will surface with the publication of our book "Things That Jamarcus Russell Has Eaten Or Otherwise Consumed." Spoiler: one of those things is his own career! Another was the Gulf oil spill. Gluttony can be heroisim in the right context.)

Luck could get injured before he ever sees an NFL dollar, true. He may also renege, go to the draft this year, and while waiting on the stage at Radio City Music Hall be charged by an aroused and visibly irritated Merrill Hoge. Merrill Hoge has poor eyesight and a strong territorial instinct, and has been known to charge objects it perceives as threats. These objects have included pieces of furniture, boulders, trees, and even Vince Young. Hoge blindsides Luck, blows out his knee, and then accuses him of a lack of grit while reknotting his tie five times for maximum knot size. It could happen.

Then again, he could go play for Carolina and get killed this year. Things happen, and on the flipside of "OMG LOST SIGNING BONUS" is another signing bonus, a finished degree, and another year where Luck can be a college student on the Narnia of Stanford's campus. His family's financial situation is fine, his personal situation is comfortable, and even if he skunks 2011's college football season he'll still receive a substantial signing bonus. He just seems to want another year of college life, and begrudging anyone that is a stand against XBox 'til 3 in the morning, handjobs, and being able to say whatever you want without the goddamn New York Daily News parsing your every word for signs of insufficient commitment or winner-ness.  We can't possibly stand against any of that, even if/when Harbaugh takes off for greener (fiscally speaking) pastures.

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