WEST VIRGINIA TO SETTLE SCORE WITH IOWA STATE AT LAST

Don't question the geographies: it is well past the point of logic to worry about that now. The WAC all but obliterated that notion when Louisiana Tech became "western" for the first time since 1802 and played conference games under the same regional banner as the Hawai'i Warriors. West Virginia will be eastern in terms of Big 12 geography, but remember that even with the addition of a school within a long commute of Pittsburgh, a road trip from Ames, Iowa to Morgantown (871 miles) is still shorter than the trip to Lubbock, Texas to play the Red Raiders (928.6, to be exact.)

The points are multiple. You're never going to get anywhere further away from everywhere than Lubbock, Texas in college football, for one, and there is simply no working around that. This is why Texas Tech recruits so well from the ranks of talented children in the Federal Witness Protection Program. (Did you know Graham Harrell was Whitey Bulger's bastard son? Makes TOTAL sense now, doesn't it?)

The other is that the lack of geographic proximity means you will have to make up your own rivalries, Mountaineers. How? Well don't look to past records to do it. We looked at the records to see who West Virginia might owe a quality mountain rifle-butting*, and the results were shocking;

Baylor: Never played WVU.

Iowa State: Never played WVU

Texas: 1-0, actually, with an October 6th, 1956 7-6 win over the 'Horns. 

Texas Tech:  Also 1-0 with a Jan 1, 1938 7-6 win over the Red Raiders.

K-State: Grrrr. 1-1 with an 23-7 win over the Wildcats in 1930 and a 19-0 loss on Halloween in 1931. 

Kansas: 1-0 thanks to a 21-0 win in 1941. 

Oklahoma: 2-2, and the leading suspect in the natural rival due to a.) bitter bowl history for the Sooners, and b.) firearms. 

Oklahoma State: Bootleggers beat Cowboys by a historical record of 2-1. 

TCU: The 31-14 win in the 1984 Bluebonnet Bowl gives the Mountaineers some much needed smug over the nouveau-riche Horned Frogs. 

In summary: West Virginia doesn't have a losing record historically against any Big 12 school, a record that somehow includes historical titan Oklahoma. A Mountaineer will be forced to deign a lowly land thief as his equal if he must if only to gin up some interest in a conference that they have obviously dominated with ease in the past.**

Oh, and if this is true, NDNation will explode, killing nothing but mirth as we know it.

*Not a sexual term.

**U MAD, SMALL SAMPLE SIZE TROLLIN?

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