EDSBS'S BEST IN CLASS: WEEK 1
by Holly Anderson on Sep 7, 2010 12:22 PM EDT
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PrintIn which we reward the highlights and lesser luminaries of Week 1. Play along in the comments. Additional overlarge images of classroom stickers welcome. This is a fluffy, organic, highly subjective process of love and contempt.
SUPERSTAR! Kellen Moore, who, with two minutes remaining in last night's Labor Day tilt, gave us one more reason to remain utterly contemptuous of Virginia Tech. We can never stockpile enough of these.
IMPROVING! North Dakota State, who's clearly ready to take one of the vacating spots in the Big 12 North.
YOU TRIED! MTSU, for leading Minnesota into the fourth quarter and doing it without the excellent Dwight Dasher and his less-excellent gambling problem.
HAND UP! Les Miles, who is very eager to let you all know that while his offense, defense, and standings in the polls remain suspect, he is as adept as ever at pitching his players beneath fast-moving buses.
TAKE TURNS! Oklahoma, for graciously allowing Utah State to come within a touchdown of beating a top-ten team and thereby taste a soupcon of football glory.
SIT STILL! Kendall Hunter of Oklahoma State did, for most of the 'Pokes-Wazzu game. When he was standing up, he notched 257 yards on just 21 carries.
CREATIVE! Presbyterian's rooskie against Wake Forest, because if you're going to lose 53-13, you best do it in style.
BUSY BEE! Kenjon Barner of Oregon, who amassed 17 carries, 147 yards, and four touchdowns against New Mexico, and who will be VERY busy next week, heading to face a Tennessee team that has replaced approximately twenty-seven starters on the line.
GOOD HELPER! Jeremiah Masoli, cleared by the NCAA just in time to ... well, you know. The nine billionty shrieky emails and comments we had to wade through on his behalf last week are now all worth it.
GRAPE JOB! Kiffykins, for goofing around with all those post-touchdown shenanigans to distract us from the fact that he's not all that good in school. "Lane, did you do your defensive homework?" "No, Miss Russell ... but HERE'S ANOTHER TWO-POINT CONVERSION!"
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Not me...
I still have those hot teacher fantasies working:
"I like the taste of danger most of all." - Jonatha Brooke
by MtnEer_in_SC on Sep 7, 2010 12:46 PM EDT up reply actions 3 recs
The sparkle rainbow performance
It goes to Mike Pouncey. Much like sparkle rainbows, what he did Saturday has no place on the football field.
by JakeisaGator on Sep 7, 2010 12:36 PM EDT reply actions 2 recs
I was thinking the arc of the rainbow looks like the trajectory of his snaps.
Excuse my language, ma'am, but that damn Dodd's gonna beat my butt today. -- Bear Bryant, November 1962
I see irony in this
as Pouncey’s snaps actually had no arc on them.
by bumblebeetuna on Sep 7, 2010 1:01 PM EDT up reply actions
rec-ity, rec'd rec
Also, doesn’t “This is a fluffy, organic, highly subjective process of love and contempt” fit the bill for about 90% of EDSBS content? With the other 10% being pure loveless contempt.
Nick Saban is my BFF
reserved for Tommy Tuberville, Craig James, and Frank Beamer
who deserve our scorn
"Voetbal is pas totaal als je wint"- Coach Adun
"The greatest sin is to spurn the gift"- Coach Alistair
I'm So Proud
The “I’m Proud of My team” sticker goes to Mississippi State for actually fielding a legitimate offense against, er, um, Memphis this past week and Tyler Russell’s unprecedented 298 pass efficiency rating.
Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.
by Sasquatch Love on Sep 7, 2010 1:19 PM EDT reply actions 1 recs
It felt even better
seeing a QB that is taller than a 5th grader.
"Nice coat! Who shot the couch?"
by CoastalCowbell on Sep 7, 2010 1:33 PM EDT up reply actions
Being a BIG BOY
For Boise State playing like a big boy last night
by loop4zill on Sep 7, 2010 1:29 PM EDT reply actions 4 recs
Where is his
Other paw?
Is he jingling his keys? Getting some candy for the children?
...i'm not falling asleep; i'm just fading to black...
by Boozy McHound on Sep 7, 2010 2:32 PM EDT via mobile up reply actions
Coach Neuheisel, this one's for you
How about we work on tackling this week? We may need an entire pack of these!
by Trouble's A Bruin on Sep 7, 2010 1:31 PM EDT reply actions
To UGA’s D- for only blowing one coverage assignment, also for having players somewhat near receivers most of the time.
"It’s not Disneyland, people. Get the hell out of the way." NYC Firefighter
That reads as "UGA's D minus"
Which would have been a solid nickname for the troops in the Late Willie Era.
Awarded to Virginia Tech
for uniforms clearly designed by Zombor, King of the Evil Vampire Robot Pumpkins.
Brian Kelly says it's fine.
by Ancient Chinese Secret on Sep 7, 2010 1:33 PM EDT reply actions 1 recs
I watched the preview show last week
when they brought out the VT unis my first reaction was
“Holy hell, they look like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles”
"I like the taste of danger most of all." - Jonatha Brooke
What a weekend.
Between those uniforms, Desmond Howard’s suits, and Holly Rowe in humid environments, my rods and cones are all screwed up.
Brian Kelly says it's fine.
by Ancient Chinese Secret on Sep 7, 2010 1:43 PM EDT up reply actions
I was thinking Tron.
What can I say? I go to a school where most people were talking about Dragon*Con this morning, rather than the weekend’s football games…
I'm afraid I have no choice but to sell you all for scientific experiments.
by boddagettaflyer on Sep 7, 2010 1:57 PM EDT up reply actions
I don't know whether that grape looks like a coffee bean
the Eye of Sauron or a zombie’s hoo-ha, but the Kiffykins connection is sound either way.
by Grib on Sep 7, 2010 1:41 PM EDT reply actions 1 recs
I think this new installment on EDSBS is an instant hit
And it helps to read the awards with the voice of Ralph Wigumm (kicked in around Les Miles sticker)
¡Viva La Revolución!
Hi! Is anyone holding around here? The Alphabetical?
It’s coming soon, right?
I might go 10 years without seeing a more creative play than the one Presbyterian pulled on Thursday.
You might wait longer than that,
considering Nebraska pulled it off in 1982.
"...when the devil says to you: do not drink, answer him: I will drink, and right freely, just because you tell me not to."
— Martin Luther
I saw it once or twice in between, so about once a decade is right
Conference homers are the lowest form of fandom. That is why the SEC has so many of them.
This one goes to [NAME REDACTED] for showing up ready for his test and
following through with half of it. But hey, you can’t blame a guy for bombing the second portion of the quiz when the questions start changing and your No. 2 pencil runs out of lead.
Eighty-five percent of the f*ckin' world is working. The other fifteen percent come out here. A f*ckin' playground for the cocks*ckers.
-Lee Elia on Cubs fans
by Farneyismycopilot on Sep 7, 2010 2:19 PM EDT reply actions
Overachiever
For D.J. Coles and the two personal fouls he committed on a punt that led to Boise State going up 17-0. You might have missed it, but after he roughed the punter, he hit the punter again on coverage before jacking another BSU player after the whistle. That’s how you finish the drill, son.
"...when the devil says to you: do not drink, answer him: I will drink, and right freely, just because you tell me not to."
— Martin Luther
Too much credit.
The first foul was just Running into the kicker.
"It’s not Disneyland, people. Get the hell out of the way." NYC Firefighter
I saw that
and wondered how long he had to live once Frank Beamer caught up to him.
"I like the taste of danger most of all." - Jonatha Brooke
For the VT special teams:
BEAMERBALL!
Stop dying, you cowards! -- Zapp Brannigan
by An 'eer with a beer on Sep 7, 2010 3:35 PM EDT reply actions
To ASU Offensive Coordinator Noel Mazzone
For producing an offense capable of scoring actual points. In last year’s cupcakery ASU settled for five field goals against Idaho State’s vicious red zone defense.
Noel Mazzone
OH DEAR GOD, THE FLASHBACKS!
\promptly goes offline, will emerge from bender in about 3 days smelling of urine, Funyons and passes to the flats.
I'm afraid I have no choice but to sell you all for scientific experiments.
by boddagettaflyer on Sep 7, 2010 4:42 PM EDT up reply actions
You know you've hit rock bottom on offense
when the mention of an improvement at OC ilicits this kind of a reaction from other fanbases. He’s still better than… RICH OLSON!
Do your worst, Miami fans.
Any sticker suggestions for Mack Brown.
I’m positive it was him that STILL gave his Horns that first place vote, even after not covering against Rice. It has to be him. I won’t be convinced otherwise.
Shenanigans!!!!
"Biggest mistake in DFW history?" - Bigger mistake in LSB history.
"Back in Irish's day you had to kill a man before you were taken seriously in polite society." - Aquaman56 06/25/10
I never said it was the Coaches.
It was the AP. I’m still convinced Mack did it. Sneaky lil bastard.
"Back in Irish's day you had to kill a man before you were taken seriously in polite society." - Aquaman56 06/25/10
Anyways
It was Dick Justice from the Houston Chronicle. Fuckin’ homers.
"Back in Irish's day you had to kill a man before you were taken seriously in polite society." - Aquaman56 06/25/10
you sure?
"Back in Irish's day you had to kill a man before you were taken seriously in polite society." - Aquaman56 06/25/10
pollstalker
is your friend.
specifically, the Texas report. Dick Justice doesn’t actually have a vote. Come to think of it, I don’t think any Chronicle writer has a vote …
IIRC
The Chronic is one of those papers which refuses to allow its writers to participate in such fluffery on the grounds of “journalistic integrity.”
I am now channeling Will McDonald's optimism.
wait
chronicle … policy based on journalistic integrity … HEAD EXPLODES
Boise State will beat everyone with the balls to play them.
The Texans will beat everyone ... eventually.
Hey Mark May!
STFU about Boise State! You suck ass dude!
Boise won!!!
Semper Fi'
WatchKalibRun.com
Pain don't hurt...
Attention UConn Defense: It's supposed to be a reward, not a gameplan.
--
@scrappled
Slow States - Lacking SEC speed since, like, a month ago.
by Run Up The Score on Sep 7, 2010 6:13 PM EDT reply actions
(Whatever, shut up, that joke gets halfway home.)
--
@scrappled
Slow States - Lacking SEC speed since, like, a month ago.
by Run Up The Score on Sep 7, 2010 6:15 PM EDT up reply actions
Oh jeez Holly now, I've lost any smidge of respect
A Vol having contempt for VT. You need to adjust that prospective. 
Alec: Chris, did you really buy a $1400 toilet?
Chris: Yeah, it's great. It's Japanese and has those little warm water jets that clean the undercarriage.
Eric: Chris, it's a toilet, you shit in it.
Whut da hail, mayne!!!!
You mark that frame an 8, and you're entering a world of pain
by mrpelicanpants on Sep 8, 2010 1:59 PM EDT up reply actions
"prospective?"
________________________________
I will give my shirt for Tennessee today.
by Holly Anderson on Sep 9, 2010 3:37 PM EDT up reply actions
To the students, staff and alumni at the university of Kansas
I know it’s been a rough year. The greatest qb in your program’s history was face-planted into the Arrowhead turf by Missouri – again. Your fat, lovable football coach turned out to be history’s greatest monster. Half of your athletic department was indicted for running a multimillon dollar ticket scalping scheme. Conference realignment revealed to the world that in the greater revenue-generating scheme of things, your world-class basketball program is worth a bucket of warm spit. The great hope of your football program couldn’t figure out how to score more than three points against a mediocre I-AA team. And the Uncle Fester impersonator pretending to be your athletic director hit the road, presumably because none of you can afford $5000 basketball tickets anymore. But always remember, no matter how down things look, it’s only a few more months until basketball season. Just try to avoid Northern Iowa.
Fixed that for you.
in the greater revenue-generating scheme of things, your world-class basketball program is worth a bucket ofwarm spitcold piss
Which means the hot mess that is Nebraska’s basketball program will be missed not at all in the Big 12-2.
"...when the devil says to you: do not drink, answer him: I will drink, and right freely, just because you tell me not to."
— Martin Luther
I'm pretty sure that
Nebraska and Colorado leaving the Big 12 immediately halved everyone else’s RPI.
I am now channeling Will McDonald's optimism.
The fifth TD that Duck Kenjon Barner scored
is wondering, “why, why, why can’t I be counted too? I was all across the goal-line and everything!”
For the record, and all.
Yeah he had 4 on the ground
and 1 through the air, just to help out the new starting QB. Not that anyone would really care, since Pac-10 games start so late on the east coast. I’m in bed everyday by 3:30 p.m. est.
by AutzenGetsBlounted on Sep 8, 2010 10:35 AM EDT up reply actions
To the media...
on this bogusrecent Boise St. win:
You mark that frame an 8, and you're entering a world of pain
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