BCS DEMANDS BIRTH CERTIFICATE OF "IDAHO"
by Spencer Hall on Sep 7, 2010 1:22 AM EDT
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PrintWASHINGTON--Just hours after Boise State defeated Virginia Tech 33-30 in their 2010 season opener, BCS spokesman Bill Hancock held a press conference to defend the integrity of the Bowl Championship Series by demanding to see documentation of the state of Idaho's statehood.
"We congratulate Boise State on their win tonight. They beat a great opponent on the opening night of college football, America's greatest sport. We just want some proof that 'Idaho' is, in fact, as American as the rest of those teams that play this great sport of ours."
Hancock insisted that the move was not intended to prevent Boise State, a preseason dark horse in the national championship picture, from playing its role as a confounding factor in the BCS's formula to determine a national champion in men's college football.
"We believe in Boise's right to compete as a proven college football power. We just want to ensure that they really are as American as they say they are, and not Canadians trying to get a free ride in our football welfare system."
In past years, the BCS's formulas and structure have worked against placing undefeated teams not holding automatic qualifier status in the BCS Championship game. Boise State has gone undefeated twice in the BCS era. In that span they have never made the BCS Title Game.
Hancock insists there is no bias, but focused on what he called "a need for transparency by Boise and their officials."
"That the state of Idaho has not responded to our request for documentation of the state's origins is troubling. Doesn't it seem a bit...pardon the word, but fishy to you? Who knew who these guys were before 1998? And has anyone been to Idaho? Do you even know anyone from Idaho? I'm not saying Idaho isn't real, or that they thrust into our fair nation's geography like the sleeper cell mailbox flag of a Canadian menace waiting to mail us the check for years of envying our freedoms, our success, our lustrous tans?"
Hancock paused.
"I'm not saying any of that is true, but we just want to make sure it's not with a simple birth certificate. I don't know why anyone has a problem with this simple request unless they've got something to hide."
Hancock then leaned forward, turned his head slightly to the side, and then winked and raised his eyebrows at reporters for 45 seconds straight.
State offices in Idaho closed at 5 p.m. Officials were unavailable for comment, but Wikipedia shows Idaho has been a member of the United States since 1890.
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First time Long time..
so, will Glenn Beck stomp around with his Oklahoma hat on tomorrow on FNC demanding to see Boise’s NCAA proof of Membership, and O’Reilly reminding people that even though Utah beat Alabama in the Sugar Bowl, that Saban really won the last three quarters. while the whole time, Olbermann will be on twitter teasing UT/Bama/TCU fan?
Follow me on Twitter @btbowling
by DallasHusker on Sep 7, 2010 1:29 AM EDT reply actions 1 recs
Thanks...
for that picture. I was going to bed but now will have to scrub my mind with whisky to avoid the nightmares about a bureaucratic Skeletor.
It's perfectly simple
Boise State can prove that they are good BCS citizens by making a public declaration that they don’t disagree with the automatic qualifier system and that they have no interest in changing the system. Any indication that they have any doubts about AQ would mean that they were just about as radical and low-down as the most egregious of playoff-a-fascists who are well known for hating college football deep down as they try and peddle their socialistic European soccer structures.
There can be no middle ground in protecting our precious bodily fluids beauty pageant with lots of numbers to make it look rational serious revenue model grand traditions of college football.
"When the seagulls follow the trawler, it's because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea"
by DC Trojan on Sep 7, 2010 1:38 AM EDT reply actions 4 recs
You cut to the quick, Spencer.
“And has anyone been to Idaho? Do you even know anyone from Idaho?”
Ouch.
At least you didn’t have him confusing Idaho with Iowa. (If I had a dollar every time I heard, “oh, so you’re from the Midwest then?”…)
And anyway, if we actually were Canadian sleeper agents…so what? The NCAA admitted Simon Fraser after all. (http://www.theglobeandmail.com/sports/football/sfu-ready-for-ncaa-jump/article1696242/#article)
I've seen Napolean Dynamite,
does that count as knowing someone from Idaho?
... the Fighting Wesleyans
Hancock is going to love it if Boise can make it into the title game. They’ll use this as evidence that the system works, at which point I will paint the walls in my living room with my own brains.
Oh, and by the way — I am actually from Idaho. I had to sneak across the Oregon border over the Snake River so that I could do jobs that Americans didn’t want for terrible, terrible wages. (grad student in math)
Getting hit by Eddie "Pleasant" is likely not as fun as advertised.
The job market for developing the models behind derivatives not what it used to be, I take it?
"When the seagulls follow the trawler, it's because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea"
They’ve stopped using math for that at all, actually, since Oiuja boards are much faster and cheaper.
Getting hit by Eddie "Pleasant" is likely not as fun as advertised.
by ProbablyMonty on Sep 7, 2010 10:03 AM EDT up reply actions
I suppose that’s an efficiency of sorts. A friend of mine is an applied math guy, and he was telling me that when he saw what Long Term Capital Management had been up to in the 90s before they went belly up, his reaction was to repeat “I wouldn’t have done that…” for all their assumptions and models. Nothing changed in the meantime apparently.
"When the seagulls follow the trawler, it's because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea"
We are a state
We believe in good old fashioned American values, proud to take wide stances. However since Idaho is hard to get to, I’ll tell you what, I’ll discuss this in Big Ten country, let’s say the airport in Minnesota and I’ll show you what we have."
-Senator Larry Craig, retired, Idaho
by yourgatoroverlord on Sep 7, 2010 2:37 AM EDT reply actions 1 recs
About 15 years ago...
…I met a girl who claimed to be from Idaho. She had me half convinced, but her whole story fell apart because she kept insisting that this Boise place was pronounced “BoyCee” instead of “BoyZee” like an American would say it.
by SeanH on Sep 7, 2010 7:43 AM EDT reply actions 1 recs
Just remember who built that dynasty, brother
which makes what is happening in Boulder so confusing, and why I don’t think you’ll ever get Chris Petersen out of there.
Can someone tell me why they didn’t join the Pac10?
The PAC 10 never did (and never would) invite them.
Not an AAU college, etc. Their odds of a PAC invite fall well below BYU’s.
I agree, but please
The Pac 10 would sell its academic soul for football in a heartbeat. It had offers to OSU, OU and Texas Tech on the table to lure UT this summer.
Former Boise State coaches
Houston Nutt & Dan Hawkins. They are familiar with crazy in Boyzee. At least Chris Peterson hides it better.
by Crabapple Buck on Sep 7, 2010 8:46 AM EDT up reply actions
Can someone tell me why they didn’t join the Pac10?
Why do people keep asking questions like a school can choose their conference?
Conference homers are the lowest form of fandom. That is why the SEC has so many of them.
i heard peterson is a Scientologist
which would explain why he’s not been hired away by anyone with a rabid fanbase (rabid fanbase of course meaning = high proportion of religious fans)
The beauty of The Process is that you have never arrived, so you get to continue being perpetually awesome... -Espyonage
ORLY?
Brian Kelly says it's fine.
by Ancient Chinese Secret on Sep 7, 2010 8:18 AM EDT reply actions
That’s what she looks like? Learn something new every day.
"When the seagulls follow the trawler, it's because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea"
Wait until you see her talk
Your mind will be blown
Alas, I can’t watch televised news, it’s not good for my blood pressure.
"When the seagulls follow the trawler, it's because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea"
Don't worry
it’s not news when she’s on, it’s the circus.
And here's a lighthouse keeper being beheaded by a laser beam!
Hey now.
Many people can be lawyers, and many people can be dentists, but very few people can be lawyer-dentists.
Brian Kelly says it's fine.
by Ancient Chinese Secret on Sep 7, 2010 12:03 PM EDT up reply actions
it's on msnbc
so it must be true
Eat what the monkey eats, then eat the monkey. -U.S. Navy survival guidance
What's the name of that crazy egomaniac guy they have?
Ed Schultz? I love him and I love cable news – all cable news. Bless cable news.
by ReadingRambler on Sep 7, 2010 12:08 PM EDT up reply actions
Dear God, I had just about scrubbed any memory of that fucking idiot from my brain.
/clerked in Columbus, Ga., when she royally ticked off Judge Land.
I'm afraid I have no choice but to sell you all for scientific experiments.
by boddagettaflyer on Sep 7, 2010 11:25 AM EDT up reply actions
you should go to her website
and read her 60B motion for reconsideration, wherein she claims that she has been treated like someone in Treblinka or a Gulag.
The first 20 minutes were pants-shittingly hilarious; the final 20 minutes were pants-shittingly confused and frightening.
"Orators are most vehement when their cause is weak" Marcus Tullius Cicero
by Stuck in the Plains on Sep 7, 2010 1:06 PM EDT up reply actions
the air is VERY dry there.
anti- humidity is anti-American.
thanks to denial, i'm immortal
by thetennesseethumper on Sep 7, 2010 8:22 AM EDT reply actions
By the Stanzi decree of 2010
Idaho must decide to love it or leave it.
by war_damn on Sep 7, 2010 8:58 AM EDT via mobile reply actions 1 recs
Anyone can profess their love for this great BCS of ours, but only its true supporters love it unconditionally, love it when its own internal biases and prejudices get in the way of necessary and proper fixes to keep it afloat, love it even when it co-opts the images of a bygone, more glorious era and perverts it for its own purposes. Anyone else is just some socialist NFL fan with designs to turn college football into a sixteen game season with single elimination playoff for a fourth of its teams.
fuckin a dude
fuckin a
The beauty of The Process is that you have never arrived, so you get to continue being perpetually awesome... -Espyonage
might wanna
capitalize the ‘A’ next time, man.
"Nice coat! Who shot the couch?"
by CoastalCowbell on Sep 8, 2010 9:03 AM EDT up reply actions
these colors don't run, usa #1
I've been in love (truly) with five women, the Spanish Republic and the 4th Infantry Division.
I'm a BCS-hater, too, but one-game seasons don't impress me much
After last night’s game, BSU doesn’t play anyone. Feasting on creampuffs shouldn’t be sufficient to get a team into the title game. Hell, even Musberger was sentient enough to recognize that this was Boise State’s one chance to play into the BCS title game.
I’ll go on record now: Boise State would get trounced by Alabama, Ohio State or Texas in a head-to-head match up.
Boise plays Oregon State in two weeks. Not a cream puff, but maybe a danish.
Also, 20 of the top-25 would probably “get trounced” by Bama, OSU and Texas. The difference is that those 20 have a better shot at a BCS title because they are in a nicer club than Boise is.
mlmintampa
UF C/O 06
http://www.alligatorarmy.com
Those 20 are also not getting touted as "BCS busters" because
they play in those clubs and regularly get beaten by their betters.
Dear me. Plainly those jumped up pretenders should get back downstairs and remember their place in the grand scheme of things.
"When the seagulls follow the trawler, it's because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea"
cognitive dissonance
As a USC alum, it’s not obvious that I should be siding with hoi polloi like Boise State. As a soccer fan, I have a soft spot for the not-quite-downtrodden, not-quite-elite that makes being pro-Boise somewhat instinctive.
"When the seagulls follow the trawler, it's because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea"
Hey, we went to the same school!
by GwinnettGamecock on Sep 7, 2010 11:46 AM EDT up reply actions 2 recs
As a soccer fan
you should realize that winning the Scottish Premiership gets you a spot in the UEFA Champion’s League; it doesn’t, however, guarantee a spot in the finals. If all Rangers had to do was beat Celtic to guarantee a spot in the Champion’s Cup final, there’d be similar outrage.
by Albino Tornado on Sep 7, 2010 2:04 PM EDT up reply actions
Manchester United and Barcelona don't get free spots in the finals either, though
The analogy breaks down when you consider that 22 teams automatically qualify for the Champions League group stage and about 50 more get to try to qualify, as opposed to two teams qualifying here and nobody else having the opportunity to play their way in.
Firstly, Rangers and Celtic can feel free to beat one another until they are insensate pulp. (Partick!)
But as to your broader point: firstly it’s a false analogy, because Boise doesn’t have to win two games, it only has two games that count as challenging, so far as the broader college football community is concerned. The real problem, it seems to me, is that Boise has actually got a chance of subverting the structural features of the BCS that are supposed to keep it from looking like a cartel without substantively increasing the chances of a non-cartel-member participating in the final.
The point about the Champions League is that it’s always clear how to qualify – the rules are completely consistent, so it’s up to the established powers to reinforce their position by actually winning out against the competition. But if you see a non-traditional power win through, while there might be sour grapes, you don’t hear the sort of groaning that we’ve been getting about Boise State – because the deck isn’t explicitly stacked. You may not see a 1970s Nottingham Forest much, or a 1980s Aberdeen, but at least the possibility is there under the same rules for everyone.
"When the seagulls follow the trawler, it's because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea"
Dammit! Sausage fingers are the devil
I don’t pretend the BCS is fairer or equitable, as it’s a two-team playoff chosen by popular consensus. (Viva la 16 teams home field bracket with autobids for all conference champions!) Since Boise’s a team that manages to skate through with a wiggedy-wack conference sched and a non-conference schedule that’s front-loaded and not that stellar, yeah, I’ll submit to finding Boise less deserving than a team which played 4 to 6 opponents of comparable quality to Va Tech and Oregon State.
Nebraska, back in the Oklahoma and the Six Dwarves days, did play challenging non-conference schools in September and had Oklahoma to close, not to mention whoever they got in the bowl game. Boise State’s got all of it’s opponents of any quality early, and then nine little cupcakes, all in a row. Not even a conference championship game to provide the handful of buckshot to stiffen a bucket of spit that is their schedule.
Compare their schedule to anyone from a BCS conference, and it’s simply not close from a competitiveness perspective.
The best team they play in between September and their bowl game is Fresno State. I saw this move once before — I think it was in ’84 or so. It sucked then too.
by Albino Tornado on Sep 8, 2010 12:13 AM EDT up reply actions
yes
"Orators are most vehement when their cause is weak" Marcus Tullius Cicero
by Stuck in the Plains on Sep 7, 2010 1:08 PM EDT up reply actions
I'll bet Idaho is a...
danged ol’ Muslim wizard.
by BenSelf on Sep 7, 2010 9:25 AM EDT reply actions 1 recs
for reasons i am unable or simply unwilling to disclose
i am choosing to associate Boise St. with rape camps. thats right, ramp camps.
The beauty of The Process is that you have never arrived, so you get to continue being perpetually awesome... -Espyonage
Hancock then leaned forward, turned his head slightly to the side, and then winked and raised his eyebrows at reporters for 45 seconds straight.
Meanwhile, in the back of the room, BCS flacks tried to interest reporters in exploring the links between “Boise State” and its BCS-hostile anagram “As Obese Tit,” which the flacks viewed as a clear shot at Ohio State fans.
Isn't it Boise's statehood that is really at issue?
After all it is Boise State University, not Boise State of Idaho University.
On Iowa
Canadian or not,
Boise State and the like are trying to get a free ride in our college football welfare system.
by GwinnettGamecock on Sep 7, 2010 11:12 AM EDT reply actions
Just take care of Oregon St. on the 25th...
And then you can make all the potato-mashing noise all you want for the BCS Title Game.
I love South Florida, but not all the people in it, whereas I hate Tallahassee, but not all the people in it.
At least he can act...
Hancock was great as the airport security guard in Fargo.
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