THE WEEK IN COLLEGE FOOTBALL EXPLAINED IN GRAPHS
by Spencer Hall on Sep 21, 2010 1:01 PM EDT
Email
Print
83 comments
|
9 recs |
Do you like this story?
Comments
Silver lining dept.:
If you trip on your own dick, mustn’t it be rather long?
by AgAstraPerAspera on Sep 21, 2010 1:04 PM EDT reply actions
Yes, or...
…it means your legs have been cut to stump-length.
Because college football is too important to be left to the professionals.
by Spencer Hall on Sep 21, 2010 1:08 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
Way to kill the dream in 4 minutes
"When the seagulls follow the trawler, it's because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea"
by DC Trojan on Sep 21, 2010 1:36 PM EDT up reply actions 2 recs
Tennessee should perhaps have it's own nonconjoined circle for
“tripping over Precious’s hair products.” Actually, Georgia should be in that one too. I feel certain we’re getting Precioused on October 9th.
Dicks have killed a lot of dreams in 4 minutes, tripping and "otherwise."
Not mine, I mean, just “in general.”
/thumbs collar
//wipes sweat off forehead
///eyes bulge.
"...when the devil says to you: do not drink, answer him: I will drink, and right freely, just because you tell me not to."
— Martin Luther
by Go Big Rev on Sep 21, 2010 2:18 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
Oh, so you’ve also discovered the “it can take months to get pregnant” mantra is a lie?
"When the seagulls follow the trawler, it's because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea"
Not at all.
Just a little bit of self-deprecating humor in the finest tradition of the master.
"...when the devil says to you: do not drink, answer him: I will drink, and right freely, just because you tell me not to."
— Martin Luther
I see. At which point....
a Tennessee fan kicks you in the chest. It all makes sense, then.
by AgAstraPerAspera on Sep 21, 2010 1:58 PM EDT up reply actions
tangentially
Throwing shit-fits while watching my team fuck up is the most common time for me to accidentally hit myself in my own balls. Kind of brings things back to a watery-eyed semblance of perspective.
by Eric Angevine on Sep 21, 2010 2:13 PM EDT up reply actions
Oh, good- I thought I was the only one.
/watches most games alone
//now remembers why
"...when the devil says to you: do not drink, answer him: I will drink, and right freely, just because you tell me not to."
— Martin Luther
I'll make you feel better
I remember during a game last year, I think GT-FSU, when Tech was in the midst of yet another truly abysmal defensive series I went to slam my hat down on the ground and proceeded to accidentally punch myself right in the old mommy/daddy button.
My wife thought it was tragically hysterical.
Right there with y'all
I watch games alone too. Much yelling at the TV is involved. Two or three years ago I spiked my hat in frustation and then kicked it. That is when my deck shoe flew off and cleared about two feet of nice stuff off the mantel.
Bull Sullivan "Toughest Coach there ever was"
by Another damn Dan on Sep 21, 2010 7:55 PM EDT up reply actions
rather long
not if you’re a dwarf or your name is Bobbit
I was the Lizard King, I could do anything
Jim Morrison approves.
I like the taste of danger most of all ~ Jonatha Brooke
2008 ruined Florida forever
If the Gators don’t score 100 points per game and have at least 5 plays of 50+ yards, while allowing fewer than 10 points on defense, they’ve done it wrong.
Tebow made everyone forget what a normal, inconsistent offense looks like.
Weoejuwejhdjwe!
by Chekhov's Spread Gun Option on Sep 21, 2010 1:10 PM EDT up reply actions
The spoiling began long before that.
Since Spurrier thirty points is the bare minimum. It’s spoiled, but it’s DNA-level spoilage at this point.
Because college football is too important to be left to the professionals.
by Spencer Hall on Sep 21, 2010 1:15 PM EDT up reply actions 2 recs
Being a lifelong Jags fan and a student at FSU law
keeps my expectations in check. Sometimes, getting a first down is a minor miracle worth celebrating.
Weoejuwejhdjwe!
by Chekhov's Spread Gun Option on Sep 21, 2010 1:21 PM EDT up reply actions
if you attend Jags games
please please please do not do the inane first down cheer.
seriously folks, we know, we only get 2 oppurtunities to do it a game sigh
but the cheer is like your mom giving you a high five after you used the toilet – all by yourself – at 26.
sat in same seat since ’96 and will til they leave…
...i'm not falling asleep; i'm just fading to black...
by Boozy McHound on Sep 21, 2010 2:09 PM EDT up reply actions
See "cant' play defense"
Vols are included.
by Alex P in Smyrna G on Sep 21, 2010 1:10 PM EDT up reply actions
Whatever gets you through the night, man
Pandemonium Reigns
by Pandemonium Reigns on Sep 21, 2010 11:22 PM EDT up reply actions
Also thrown around the room
while watching Florida offense: midgets.
Also satisfying, and surprisingly affordable.
by ESS EEE SEE Speed on Sep 21, 2010 1:07 PM EDT reply actions
and fungible.
"Orators are most vehement when their cause is weak" Marcus Tullius Cicero
by Stuck in the Plains on Sep 21, 2010 1:11 PM EDT up reply actions
but also vindictive
and hard to see coming if they’re approaching below your peripheral vision.
"When the seagulls follow the trawler, it's because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea"
The experience of watching Florida's offense....
…..sounds remarkable similar to watching Michigan State’s defense. I think if the 2 teams ever meet, it will be a veritable artillery barrage of household crap.
fuggin eh... made me laugh more than it should have, methinks
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member
by TheMightyErik on Sep 22, 2010 3:20 AM EDT up reply actions
Question:
Where do 112, Biggie, Diddy and Ma$e (collectively) fall on the Stoppability Index?
"I've made a huge little mistake." - G.O.B.
I think the line for "Can't Nobody"
falls somewhere between “no” and “fuck no.”
"The intensity of the dump was the problem" - Nick Saban
by Bazarov, the Last Romanov on Sep 21, 2010 1:48 PM EDT up reply actions
I understand all now
Thanks Orson.
"Too much awesome on my feet."-Brian Wilson
"Time for the laser show, boys!"- Aubrey Huff
I wonder what
Objects Thrown Around the Room While Watching Ole Miss would be. Especially during Weeks 1 and 3.
Well, it is Ole Miss.
So only the finest china and silver will do. While decked out in the latest Vineyard Vines, natch.
I'm afraid I have no choice but to sell you all for scientific experiments.
by boddagettaflyer on Sep 21, 2010 1:41 PM EDT up reply actions
Thanks for explaining the joke.
I’m sure lots of people missed it the first go-around.
And, regarding iPhones, I’m so amazed mine is still intact after these three weeks of football. Maybe I am growing up afterall.
Red Cup Rebellion - Changing the Culture of Ole Miss Athletics
Take a picture, trick.
by The Ghost of Jay Cutler on Sep 21, 2010 4:08 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
Brother, after the first three weeks you've had
I’m surprised that there are any functioning electronic devices in Mississippi at all.
I like the taste of danger most of all ~ Jonatha Brooke
by MtnEer_in_SC on Sep 21, 2010 7:48 PM EDT up reply actions
Har Har
we uns aint a-used tah de elek-ter-on-iks round deese parts. tomater cans wif balin wire gets it dun were i gots my book learnin.
MSState Football: You want INT's? We got 'em.
by CoastalCowbell on Sep 22, 2010 9:08 AM EDT up reply actions
seriously, though
good luck getting cell reception when not travelling on a 4 lane road.
MSState Football: You want INT's? We got 'em.
by CoastalCowbell on Sep 22, 2010 9:11 AM EDT up reply actions
Is The Nuttburger a thing? If so, that.
by ESS EEE SEE Speed on Sep 21, 2010 1:45 PM EDT up reply actions
Probably the same
as watching UCLA in Weeks 1 and 2 (and 4 and whenever they play Oregon, Arizona, and really any other team besides possibly Washington St).
GO BRUINS.
Also notice "Magnus Warhammer Swindle" is not on the objects thrown list.
You’re a helluva parent, Swindle.
Rec'd for the Footbaw Bob graph.
But I thought it should have been parabolic. You know, like the trajectory of a punt-
WELL I WOULD PUNT THE FOOTBAW HERE ON THIS YOUUUUUUGE SECOND DOWN AND GET YOUR DEFENSIVE GUYS—
/strangled by top button of polo shirt
//hey i can dream
It's Stanford week. Ask me a question about Stanford.
by Ancient Chinese Secret on Sep 21, 2010 1:50 PM EDT reply actions
How much would it cost
to get some hardcore people to do just that? A severe beating of Footbaw Bob would make all domers feel a bit better about the 1-2 start.
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy!
- Ben Franklin, skirt chaser par excellence
by Charlie Weis's Colon on Sep 21, 2010 2:18 PM EDT up reply actions
I think someone here suggested
applying a sack full of doorknobs to Todd McShay. Maybe we could swing by Footbaw Bob’s office as long as we’re there.
Footbaw Bob’s office, by the way:
It's Stanford week. Ask me a question about Stanford.
by Ancient Chinese Secret on Sep 21, 2010 2:34 PM EDT up reply actions 3 recs
Shh, shh, it's ok, the bad man is gone now...
…he can’t possibly live forever…hopefully.
President of the Free Ron Franklin Society.
by Oscar Whiskey on Sep 21, 2010 4:32 PM EDT up reply actions
Use Denard Robinson pie chart for Texas Tech Offense
Reverse headings to “Other Stuff” and “Offense.”
Auburn
Should be squarely in the “trips on own dick constantly” category.
by SEC Supremacist on Sep 21, 2010 2:06 PM EDT reply actions
Splendid
I really don't know if anything sums up America better. It is simultaneously preposterous, incrediably laughable, impressive, charming, redicoulous, expensive, overpopulated, wonderful, American. -Sir Stephen Fry on visiting the Iron Bowl
BAWB Davie Graph
…Shoulda been a correlation coefficient matrix…but you knew that presumably.
this and Schnelly's top 25
are what make my week bearable.
Tonight, tonight the strip's just right,
I wanna blow 'em all out of their seats.
We're callin' out around the world, we're going racin' in the street.
-the Boss
by diego tutweiler on Sep 21, 2010 2:58 PM EDT reply actions
From the esteemed Cowboys Ride for Free
What's a yoot?
by LongCat on Sep 21, 2010 3:04 PM EDT reply actions 4 recs
Hmm...
How would someone represent a negative % on a pie chart?
Ala, Texas Tech’s total offense subdivided into rushing and passing.
Bob Davie is hard to watch...
but I’ll take him and Mark Jones every god damn time over Sean McDonough and Matt fuckin Millen. How the hell does Matt Millen have a job? No, seriously.
Hadoken!!
How the hell does Matt Millen have a job?
“I know, right.”
-Skip Bayless
/COTG hates us
by ESS EEE SEE Speed on Sep 21, 2010 3:41 PM EDT up reply actions
Same reason Herm Edwards does
Giving them commentator jobs keeps them off the streets where they might hurt themselves.
Then someone should tell the folks at ABC/WWL
they forgot the plan and gave Millen a mic that actually works in Seattle on Saturday. For that matter, I could have done without McDonough as well. Maybe we switch out their mics with lightsabers and wait for them to cut their own heads off coming back from halftime?
"...when the devil says to you: do not drink, answer him: I will drink, and right freely, just because you tell me not to."
— Martin Luther
That's a terrible idea
Millions of children have been able to play with plastic lightsabers without incident; as soon as Millen and McDonough behead themselves with blunt plastic, the lightsabers will be recalled, and then what? Sad children going to emergency rooms when they try to kick it old school and brain one another with 2 × 4s.
"When the seagulls follow the trawler, it's because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea"
wait a sec
you saying Tennessee’s dongs ain’t big enough to trip over?
/looks down at crotchtal zone
oh, well there you have it.
//or don’t, as it were.
thanks to denial, i'm immortal
by thetennesseethumper on Sep 21, 2010 7:39 PM EDT reply actions
Comments For This Post Are Closed
Secondary Sidebar
User Tools
FanPosts
Community blog posts and discussion.
