THE CURIOUS INDEX, 9/2/2010
by Spencer Hall on Sep 2, 2010 10:36 AM EDT
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PrintA HORSE CALLED GOLGOTHA I MEAN FOOTBALL WHATEVER. Today's Metalsome rating is "off the fucking charts," also known as "Baroness Level Five." The scary man in the video? THAT'S JIM HARBAUGH IN A SPECIAL CAMEO.*
TO TONIGHT'S FOX. As usual, South Carolina will take your hot and bothered self back to the hotel room for anticipated football action, fail to get it up, and then spend the rest of three drunken hours apologizing and saying how, "It used to work a lot better than this, I promise." As long as you know this is how it's going to go, you'll be fine with it, especially with the consideration of Weslye Saunders' likely and impending suspension for various NCAA and hotel-related foibles. Spurrier also plans on playing a true freshman Conor Shaw along with Garcia against a potentially game Southern Miss team. If you think this will be boring, you'll be wrong.
You're right about the ugliness, though, since the Gamecocks are the rest of college football's slightly popular but horrible observational comic hired to make the headliners look good on opening weekend. IT'S STILL FOOTBALL MY GOD FOOTBALL.
NOW PLAYING FOR NORTH CAROLINA, NO ONE. Joe Schad threw out sixteen as the number of players UNC could miss in Saturday's game against LSU, though the exact number remains to be seen and could be 1.6 as far as the rest of us know. If LSU manages to lose this game despite facing a UNC team functioning with one leg, one eye, and half a brain, Les Miles should just walk out of the building and into the middle of Marietta Street to play Headbutt Poker with oncoming traffic. He won't, but that's just what he should do if the unthinkable becomes the unbearable. We'd also advise LSU fans to drink heavily to cope, but redundancy man says that is redundant is redundant.
Roy Williams is steadfastly supporting Butch Davis is busy distancing the basketball program from any of this business and kind of hoping the football program goes back to John Bunting status.
OH AND LET'S TALK ABOUT THIS FOR THE LAST TIME. Alleluia, the Ohio State/Michigan game will remain in the final week of the season, meaning you could get that exciting back-to-back arrangement if/when they manage to face each other from separate divisions in the Big Ten championship game. Since actual football has arrived, we're through talking about this because fuck the bureaucrats it's time to kill.
YOU CLEVER BITCHES. Don't make us love you, Wall Street Journal.
BLOWIN' SMOKE! IMPREGNATIN' TURKEYS! We know how you feel, Robbie Caldwell. We really, really do.
*It's not.
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My fellow Americans.....
…..our long national nightmare is over. College footbal returns tonight. Praise the Lord and pass the Ro-Tel!
Close shave, America.
Everyone fails. The successful learn from their failures. I just wish we'd quit giving ourselves so many learning opportunities.
by WhiteSpeedReceiver on Sep 2, 2010 10:42 AM EDT up reply actions
The conference can't count and now is geographically challenged
But fuck that. There is football to be played!
by Crabapple Buck on Sep 2, 2010 11:16 AM EDT up reply actions
Quit whining
You’ve got a free pass to the conference championship game almost locked up once JoePa quits/tips/finally goes full zombie.
Everyone fails. The successful learn from their failures. I just wish we'd quit giving ourselves so many learning opportunities.
by WhiteSpeedReceiver on Sep 2, 2010 11:19 AM EDT up reply actions
And how would that differ if we were paired with Michigan in our division
Your team will recover before they do.
by Crabapple Buck on Sep 2, 2010 11:20 AM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
Waiting for the inevitble Coach Coley/Caldwell Twitter Beef. REAL TALK
_________________
I'm Banana dammit!!!
by BurritoBrosShits on Sep 2, 2010 10:41 AM EDT reply actions
How about...
A twitter showdown between Dooley’s Hair (DooleyHardHat) vs. Caldwell's Inseminator (TurkeyJuicer)
¡Viva La Revolución!
I'm just happy
that NC State isn’t playing South Carolina this year. What a lame duck game that was to start the year.
"Dodger fans aren’t happy when foul balls get into their section, because it interferes with their playing with the beachball"- Mike Krukow
The best part of self-employment....
…is that the Boss doesn’t get angry when I start drinking at noon. In fact, it’s an executive mandate.
I'm confused...
If LSU manages to lose this game despite facing a UNC team functioning with one leg, one eye, and half a brain, Les Miles should just walk out of the building and into the middle of Marietta Street to play Headbutt Poker with oncoming traffic.
I thought that was Miles’ ritual upon WINNING big games…
by The Commenter Formerly Known as Not You on Sep 2, 2010 10:47 AM EDT reply actions 1 recs
At Iowa they call it
preseason conditioning work.
Too soon?
"...when the devil says to you: do not drink, answer him: I will drink, and right freely, just because you tell me not to."
— Martin Luther
by Go Big Rev on Sep 2, 2010 11:04 AM EDT up reply actions 3 recs
Only if you link the video.
Which someone will in 3…2…
Don't give up, don't ever give up ~ Jim Valvano
You're in the clear
It’s only too soon when the player gets seriously injured
The new year approaching, click in. Let’s facelift bar! Open the wardrobe is not yet found love after another the right clothes? So, also waiting for? Immediate action bar!
Les Miles' Head vs Oncoming Traffic
Advantage: Miles
by ramblingamblinjohn on Sep 2, 2010 11:15 AM EDT up reply actions
I'ma have to TiVo Sakerlina
Tonight, I’m gonna be watchin’ LIVE REAL (FCS vs. NAIA) Foobaw! Georgia State vs. Shorter, along with, I dunno, 10,000? other mildly curious people who wandered over after registering for Dragoncon, rattling around inside the 70,000-seat Georgia Dome. Plus, a Brand New Fight Song!
Biggest question about the game? Will they serve beer at the concession stand.
Woohoo!
Won’t have to buy so many overpriced beers at Dantanna’s, then (although they’re probably cheaper than Georgia Dome beers).
I decided GSU’s fight song needed some tweaking to the lyrics.
Fight, Panthers, you’re not that bad
You’re pretty swell!
You’ll hear us noisy and drunk
As we scream and yell,
Fittin’ to get crunk!
Fight, Panthers, don’t give it up
Watch your cornhole, Bud!
Black! Blue! Georgia State, they’re beating you!
G…..S…..U…..
G-S-U! G-S-U!
At-least-you’re-not-U-G-A! Hey!
Aloha
No mention of the real USC playing tonight?
Or is that past the easterner’s bedtimes?
Los Angeles is like Manchester. There is a red team that wins championships and a blue team that doesn't.
I bet I know
what Greg McMackin thinks of Kiffin.
Brian Kelly says no commercial interruption.
by Ancient Chinese Secret on Sep 2, 2010 10:57 AM EDT up reply actions
bedtime?
screw that, I’ll be at work for that game. -.-*
by Pariahwulfen on Sep 2, 2010 11:21 AM EDT up reply actions
Is there differentiation between "real" and "original?"
USCe: founded 1801.
USCw: founded 1880.
[/wiki’d]
Yes, I live in Starkville...WHO did I piss off in a past life?
by Queen Hoka-Hotty-Toddy on Sep 2, 2010 11:43 AM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
You mean USC (Pro)?
Wait, Weslye Saunders fucked that one up, still too vague.
USC (penis joke)? For Trojans? haha, get it condoms? No, that one covers both too, fuck.
How about USC (derp)? I think that accurately defines only one USC.
It is a truth universally acknowledged that a zombie in possession of brains must be in want of more brains
by Chekhov's Spread Gun Option on Sep 2, 2010 1:16 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
Or, you could use “Trogans”. Say, is Markeith Ambles still enrolled there?
"I like the taste of danger most of all." - Jonatha Brooke
yes he is. He even caught a pass last night.
I think the “Trogans” thing is pretty funny actually. I don’t see it as the big burn that some people seem to.
Los Angeles is like Manchester. There is a red team that wins championships and a blue team that doesn't.
I never meant it as a 'burn'...
I’ve always found laughing at someone is much more effective. (ziiing)
But hey, one of my drinking buddies is an ex-pat Brit from Manchester. I told him about your signature line and it brought a big smile to his face.
"I like the taste of danger most of all." - Jonatha Brooke
I wasn’t talking about you particularly with the “burn” commnet. There are others who get all worked up like it is the greatest insult ever. It’s not.
Glad you like the sig line. The pure passion, hatred and fury of the EPL is one of the reasons it is my second favorte sport after NCCA football. At the Machester United last year they flew a flag in the stadium (on a flagpole, not just some fans holding it up) that just had the number 33 on it. Pointing out the fact that it had been 33 years since Manchester City had won anything. That’s pure awesome.
Los Angeles is like Manchester. There is a red team that wins championships and a blue team that doesn't.
If UNC has an eligible players left by Saturday
There will be only one, and it will be TJ Yates, because watching him quarterback like a blind, one-legged sloth while our defense slowly loses all their remaining eligibility is my punishment for … well, pretty much everything bad I’ve ever done in my lifetime, but probably specifically those (dozens of) times I said that Bryn Renner would get plenty of snaps after I ran Yates over with my car.
CENTSPORTS ALL IN KENTUCKY -3 GAMBOOOLLL WOOOOOOOO
The new year approaching, click in. Let’s facelift bar! Open the wardrobe is not yet found love after another the right clothes? So, also waiting for? Immediate action bar!
And what's the deal with stadium food?
Thank you very much, y’all have been a wonderful audience! Our next show is at 7:30 tonight! Tip your waitress, try the veal, so on and so forth.
Don’t forget to stick around after our show for tonight’s main act, the hottest comic in the biz today, Dane Kiffin! Sure to have you laughing out of pure disgust for 3 and a half hours!
by She Blinded Me With Violence on Sep 2, 2010 10:57 AM EDT reply actions
Soooo...
tOSU & Meechigan will likely play in back to back weeks many seasons…derp.
Let's hang half a hundred on 'em and enjoy the second half.
Yep, just like Miami and Florida State
by Golden Hand on Sep 2, 2010 10:59 AM EDT up reply actions 2 recs
and Alabama and Tennessee
"I think so, Brain, but how are we going to get the bacon flavoring into the pencils?"
and you're cool with that?
Let's hang half a hundred on 'em and enjoy the second half.
by Uncle Earmuffs on Sep 2, 2010 11:06 AM EDT up reply actions
I'd rather it be guaranteed once, for the right to play in the CCG,
"I think so, Brain, but how are we going to get the bacon flavoring into the pencils?"
Agreed...
And that leaves open the highly-unlikely-but-still-super-fun-to-dream-about possibility of a rematch in the NC game.
Let's hang half a hundred on 'em and enjoy the second half.
by Uncle Earmuffs on Sep 2, 2010 11:13 AM EDT up reply actions
THAT
would be interesting.
What do we do if somehow Colt McCoy ends up on an NFL team starting against Vince Young?
Oh, yeah….I have that dream every year, except it’s OU/Texas. Boomer.
/ducks
Let's hang half a hundred on 'em and enjoy the second half.
by Uncle Earmuffs on Sep 3, 2010 1:48 PM EDT up reply actions
when did Auburn
and tennessee switch spots on the schedule?
/iron bowl is last game of season
//egg bowl is too
///a lot less people care about that one, though
"Nice coat! Who shot the couch?"
by CoastalCowbell on Sep 2, 2010 11:11 AM EDT up reply actions
Sorry, didn't read closely...
And that, combined with the Miami(FL)-FSU comment made me think of the “rivalry repeat” arguments that had been flying around
"I think so, Brain, but how are we going to get the bacon flavoring into the pencils?"
gotcha.
the way it looks, the back to back games wouldnt be possible with the current SEC schedule. everyone either plays in division, or completely out of conference.
"Nice coat! Who shot the couch?"
by CoastalCowbell on Sep 2, 2010 11:33 AM EDT up reply actions
ACC had UNC-NC St last week a few years ago
needless to say, little chance of a repeat.
Conference homers are the lowest form of fandom. That is why the SEC has so many of them.
While none are the last week
ACC has 6 cross-divisional games in November this year. Which is too late, IMO.
Although UNC-FSU is probably the only one that had a chance at being replayed (pre-scandal) and its Nov 6.
Conference homers are the lowest form of fandom. That is why the SEC has so many of them.
Wouldn't that require Michigan to win a conference game to do that?
Everyone fails. The successful learn from their failures. I just wish we'd quit giving ourselves so many learning opportunities.
by WhiteSpeedReceiver on Sep 2, 2010 11:01 AM EDT up reply actions
_________________
I'm Banana dammit!!!
by BurritoBrosShits on Sep 2, 2010 11:05 AM EDT up reply actions 2 recs
It's the best solution
I’m sure there will be times that they play back to back, but it won’t be often. And with the condition of Michigan at the moment it probably won’t be for awhile.
Los Angeles is like Manchester. There is a red team that wins championships and a blue team that doesn't.
Just wait until the Pac-10 splits up
Washington vs. USC!
"Dodger fans aren’t happy when foul balls get into their section, because it interferes with their playing with the beachball"- Mike Krukow
So that Wall Street Journal link has UNC with the toughest Schedule
Which in my book means you rank the OOC and not in conference since you play in conference every year. Them playing LSU, Rutgers, ECU, and William & Mary. Looking in their own conference, FSU plays Oklahoma, BYU, Florida & Samford. Who has the toughest schedule? And this is why I only read internet blogs for my news, those who get paid to do it our asinine.
Don't give up, don't ever give up ~ Jim Valvano
Our they?
They count conference games as part of strength-of-schedule, the same way everyone does. Why wouldn’t you?
Exactly
I have UNC with the 3rd toughest schedule. 1st/3rd, whatever, thats rounding. Differences in methods will have slightly different results, but it still shows they have a tough schedule.
I have 5 Coastal teams in my top 15 SoS (UVA is 49th somehow). The Pac10 also takes up a significant part of the top, due to 9 conference games and most of them playing at least 1 decent OOC opponent.
Conference homers are the lowest form of fandom. That is why the SEC has so many of them.
Is the audio version of Caldwell's twitter feed
read by Foghorn Leghorn?
"...when the devil says to you: do not drink, answer him: I will drink, and right freely, just because you tell me not to."
— Martin Luther
" fuck the bureaucrats it’s time to kill."
THIS!
by D-Macs LoveChile on Sep 2, 2010 11:20 AM EDT reply actions
Joe Schad
…let’s hope he’s wrong. I’ve heard Butch Davis was pretty upbeat last night in his weekly time with the media, too upbeat to be leaving 16 players in Chapel Hill this weekend.
Yeah
The Wall Street Journal thing is going to kill any remaining productivity left for the week. Yay, new toys.
by Infield Elephant on Sep 2, 2010 12:57 PM EDT reply actions
It's all about synergy...
It doesn’t matter how many football games the SEC wins. We will always look down on you.
by devidee33 on Sep 2, 2010 1:08 PM EDT reply actions 2 recs
Oh yeah...suck on my jaggon.
It doesn’t matter how many football games the SEC wins. We will always look down on you.
Not that we needed it, but
More proof that Ann Arbor is a whore. And that Ohio State’s a dick.
/equal opportunity hating
Dear UNC,
You are about to witness the full fury of Roy Williams’ anti-football crusade. You see, Ol’ Roy doesn’t take kindly to other people getting attention. If (when?) Butch is gone, Ol’ Roy will be sure to get his 2 cents in on his replacement (hypothetical coaching candidates for UNC: practice the phrase, “of course you can have more time in our weight room, Mr. Williams!”). This has happened before, and will happen again.
Love,
The University of Kansas
“The Birthplace of North Carolina Basketball”
"Got a bill that's big enough to twist the Tiger's tail. Husked some corn and made those SORRY HUSKERS BAIL!"
by KennyGregoryRockThaCradle on Sep 2, 2010 5:11 PM EDT reply actions
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