FULMER CUPDATE: MIZZOU ENCOUNTERS VERY BORED POLICEMEN
by Spencer Hall on Aug 4, 2010 12:36 PM EDT
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PrintMissouri is a baffling state. Are they merely Northern Arkansas, or Illinois' utility closet? What explains their deep religiosity and simultaneous statewide obsession with pornography? Why do they, from time to time, elect the dead? How did you steal Kansas' city, and do you ever plan to give it back to them? Branson: why? <-----GREAT MYSTERIES OF THE COSMOS.
Other mysteries abound. For instance, why would you care that people were drinking in a parking lot? That's what parking lots are for besides teaching teenagers to drive, and for drinking in a parking lot with teenagers while teaching them to drive. Furthermore, why would you call the police on them, especially when they were coaches on the Mizzou staff?
Walker was sitting in his parked truck with the engine running outside the Mizzou Athletic Training Complex when officers arrived at 11:14 p.m. Walker and the rest of MU's coaches and their wives had returned from a dinner at the Lake of the Ozarks when police were called to check on people "potentially drinking in the parking lot," Weimer said.
A sobriety test followed. It did not go well for Coach Walker.
Officers interviewed Walker briefly then issued a field sobriety test, leading to Walker's arrest.
That's a suspicion of DUI charge for sitting in a running vehicle drunk. If you're in Missouri, don't count on officers being "cool," because that's not "in their reg book" and they will probably just "charge your ass with whatever they can" even if you think the charges are "bullshit." /hipsterrunoff'd
In other ticky-tack ticketing, Mizzou gets further points for Dominique Hamilton and Jarrell Harrison's trespassing citations issued for swimming in an apartment complex pool after hours. Among other MYSTERIES OF OLD MIZZOURAH: how have policemen solved all major crime, freeing themselves to work on important issues like pool trespassing? The bullshit tally on the bullshit charges involved all around: two for the lowest grade of DUI, one for being a coach, and one each for the bullshit trespassing charges.
In total: five bullshit points for Mizzou in the Fulmer Cup.
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In Missouri
You can get a DUI if you pass out from drinking in your car, in a parking lot, with your keys in your pocket.
But
it is completely legal to be drunk and drinking in a moving vehicle, as long as you aren’t behind the wheel. Oh Missouri, how I miss you.
Brian Kelly says no Spicy Sea Nuggets.
by Ancient Chinese Secret on Aug 4, 2010 12:46 PM EDT up reply actions
I thought
It was as long as the open container wasn’t within reach of the driver…?
"You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain." - Harvey Dent
Sadly...
As a Mizzou ‘08 grad, I can tell you that they changed that law while I was there for school. They also changed the MIP law in my Soph year where we used to be able to just set our cups down and the cops couldn’t charge us w/ MIP. They called bullshit on that and now your body counts as a container.
GO TIGERS! Mizzou and Clemson!
I had a cop try to trap me once in KC
I had decided not to drive myself home from the bar, so I put my keys in my pocket, sat in the passenger seat, and nodded off for a nap. Around 4am, I awoke to a cop tapping on my window. When I told him I was sleeping off a few drinks, he told me I needed to move my car cuz I was in a no parking zone.
I thought about it for a second, then said “you move it” and handed him the keys.
He moved it for me, and I went back to sleep.
My only experience with a cool cop ever in my lifetime.
Sounds like an ass who rewarded you for smart thinking while drunk.
So maybe that qualifies as cool.
The only non-obnoxious cop giving me a ticket was for, theoretically, the worst offense – 25 over in a school zone. However, it was a divided highway with school on other side. It was last day of month speed trap. He was actually apologetic about giving me the ticket. And nicely checked the box to give me the option of traffic school, which lowered the ticket to $65 instead of who-the-fuck-knows-how-much-25over-in-a-school-zone-would-be.
Conference homers are the lowest form of fandom. That is why the SEC has so many of them.
Technically speaking, that would have been an ass-ton of money
Given enough velocity even a pig will fly
by MarioVanPeebles Republic of China on Aug 4, 2010 1:44 PM EDT up reply actions
Ah, you kids today and what you missed out on
Back in the late ’70s – early ’80s, pre-MADD-everywhere, I had two alcohol-fueled encounters with WV troopers.
The first was coming back from a WVU football game, flying down the long hill on I-70 into Wheeling at about 80 when I was pulled over. I told the officer (truthfully) that the speedometer cable on my Fiat station wagon (!) had broken, and that you can’t get those things at the local auto parts store. “Faulty equipment is no excuse for speeding,” he said, eying the dozens of empty beer bottles rolling around in the bed of the wagon. “Besides, you’ve obviously been drinking, and I just don’t want to get into that right now.”
Off I went with just a ticket. The second time was also speed-related, another 80 mph ride down the big hill on I-79 into Morgantown coming back from Pittsburgh. Following the advice of Hunter S. Thompson to never pull over immediately, I flipped on the turn signal and made the cop follow me another two miles to the exit ramp. He shone his flashlight on the big cooler in the back seat and asked, “How many beers in there?” I told him something like “Well, we stopped drinking before we left Pittsburgh, so there’s probably less than half a case in there.” Not gonna bust me for interstate transportation of alcohol, no sirree!
Once again I drove off, speeding ticket in hand, and headed back to the apartment to finish off that half a case.
Cops respected professional drinkers in those days!
by An 'eer with a beer on Aug 4, 2010 3:30 PM EDT up reply actions
Damn I miss all the fun.
Given enough velocity even a pig will fly
by MarioVanPeebles Republic of China on Aug 4, 2010 4:37 PM EDT up reply actions
I'm proud to be a Mizzou alum
I loved the 4 years I spent living and drinking in the state.
But holy hell, the CoMo police really must have a had nothing else to do. For shame, CoMo police. For real.
Pigskin Punditry
Follow me on Twitter
I reject your reality and substitute my own." ~ Adam Savage, Mythbusters
And a major typo on my part.
I’m going to go hang the shame curtains and hope the CoMo police don’t come arrest me.
Pigskin Punditry
Follow me on Twitter
I reject your reality and substitute my own." ~ Adam Savage, Mythbusters
Also this, spotted on I-70:
Brian Kelly says no Spicy Sea Nuggets.
by Ancient Chinese Secret on Aug 4, 2010 12:49 PM EDT reply actions 1 recs
I think there's a group in Sakerlina doing the same thing.
I’ve seen the “Jesus is watching you” billboard at a couple of exits with an adult shop on I-26 and I-95.
"I like the taste of danger most of all." - Jonatha Brooke
I knew that guy was strange
Given enough velocity even a pig will fly
by MarioVanPeebles Republic of China on Aug 4, 2010 1:17 PM EDT up reply actions 3 recs
Jesus only sticks his eye in the gloryhole...
fucking tease.
It doesn’t matter how many football games the SEC wins. We will always look down on you.
I fully expect Mizzou to take the Fulmer Cup lead
later this summer when the entire offensive line 2-deep is picked up by cops for loitering outside of the Woolworth’s.
by ramblingamblinjohn on Aug 4, 2010 12:56 PM EDT reply actions
Absolutely
No Woolworth’s in Columbia, however we have, I believe, 3 Footlockers in the same mall.
"You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain." - Harvey Dent
Maybe the Walgreens on Main?
Given enough velocity even a pig will fly
by MarioVanPeebles Republic of China on Aug 4, 2010 1:44 PM EDT up reply actions
They
Do sell alcohol now. Happy days! :/
"You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain." - Harvey Dent
I miss Missouri
/hugs
Given enough velocity even a pig will fly
by MarioVanPeebles Republic of China on Aug 4, 2010 2:17 PM EDT up reply actions
Dammit, its funny b/c
Woolworths became Footlocker!
"You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain." - Harvey Dent
I have a friend...
who, while riding his bike, got hit by a Columbia cop car. Then the cop gave him a ticket and drove off.
Note!
This wasn’t city cops, but the University Police…I demand a blood feud!
Formerly known as Mizzou Grad
http://twitter.com/Ausgiano
That explains a lot actually
Because the students are out of town, they harass the staff.
"You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain." - Harvey Dent
Good thing...
that there hasn’t been a rash of random unsolved gun violence between feuding gangs in Columbia…
http://www.columbiatribune.com/news/2010/jul/26/mom-identifies-fair-shooting-victim-police/
As a Mizzou alum and Columbia resident, I love CoMO, but the police force around here is a blend of Gomer Pyle mixed with some Tackleberry. I once got lectured by an MUPD officer for 10 minutes about the dangers of rolling through a stop sign in an empty parking garage at 10 pm.
UofLouisville DiPS
gave me a ticket for rolling a stop sign at midnight.
The moron wrote it up for the wrong intersection, I took pictures of the intersection on the ticket (lights, no stop signs) and fought it in court. The judge mocked the “cop” and then found me guilty anyway, saying I was guilty of running a stop sign somewhere else (this is true, but shouldnt hold up in court). Anyway, the judge died shortly thereafter, so I claim victory.
Conference homers are the lowest form of fandom. That is why the SEC has so many of them.
whoa
Given enough velocity even a pig will fly
by MarioVanPeebles Republic of China on Aug 4, 2010 1:52 PM EDT up reply actions
So...
Voodoo is legal in Kentucky?
"You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain." - Harvey Dent
Nah
State Bar was considering disbarment over number of idiotic things he had done. Newspaper was hounding him. The stress pushed his heart over the limit, I think. So, I had nothing to do with it.
But, voodoo probably is legal here.
Conference homers are the lowest form of fandom. That is why the SEC has so many of them.
Then
How is Calipari still alive?
"You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain." - Harvey Dent
Give it time
Look whats happening to Pitino.
Conference homers are the lowest form of fandom. That is why the SEC has so many of them.
At Tennessee
A coach or player found drunk..sitting on the hood of his car at..the bottom of an apartment complex swimming pool would never be issued a “warning citation” by campus police. At Mizzou, apparently the offender would get the chair.
Heck, at Tennessee . . .
the campus police officer would wind up unconscious on the ground after knocking himself out and kicking himself in the head.
Missouri will give back KC
When Illinois agrees to take St. Louis.
And what is the deal with airline food?
The Mangino told me that if I don't shut up,
he’ll send me back to St. Louis to get shot with my homies.
Brian Kelly says no Spicy Sea Nuggets.
by Ancient Chinese Secret on Aug 4, 2010 1:19 PM EDT up reply actions
well
East St. Louis at least would be fair right?
"You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain." - Harvey Dent
Another reason why
Nothing good ever happens after a day trip to the Lake of The Ozarks.
Once you go just stay there for the night.
Given enough velocity even a pig will fly
by MarioVanPeebles Republic of China on Aug 4, 2010 1:20 PM EDT reply actions
Missouri proudly presents Party Cove, Lake of the Ozarks:
If you’ve never been, you’re missing out.
Brian Kelly says no Spicy Sea Nuggets.
by Ancient Chinese Secret on Aug 4, 2010 1:35 PM EDT up reply actions
Party Cove is the worst part of Lake of The Ozarks
It is continually moving too, so one morning going out fishing with my father-in-law, we cruised into a cove that had some of the best Crappie cover in a 10 mile stretch, and found something like the picture above.
Sure if it was spring break, or I was still in undergrad, and not married it could have been fun. I went to The Lake to relax and fish, and smoke some ribs.
PISSED ME OFF so very much.
Given enough velocity even a pig will fly
by MarioVanPeebles Republic of China on Aug 4, 2010 1:47 PM EDT up reply actions
Cholera wins
The main symptoms include profuse watery diarrhea and vomiting. Transmission is primarily by the acquisition of the pathogen through contaminated drinking water or infected food.
"You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain." - Harvey Dent
Oh Damn!
Did I die of dysentery?
"You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain." - Harvey Dent
Would you like to view the tombstone?
“Here lies Zeke.” Why is that bastard always the first to die?
They took the bar! The whole fucking bar!
by Profoundly Vague on Aug 4, 2010 11:19 PM EDT up reply actions
Today's 5 bullshit points
gives Missouri a total of 6 and ties them with the Fighting Illini (how appropriate)
The complete board up through yesterdaycan be found at the Sports Argument Wiki
http://www.sportsargumentwiki.com/index.php?title=Fulmer_Cup
"I like the taste of danger most of all." - Jonatha Brooke
Question
If it ends in a tie does UGA win based on the new #1 party school ranking even with cops who are the love children of temperance movement and Steve Guttenberg?
"It’s not Disneyland, people. Get the hell out of the way." NYC Firefighter
After Quin Snyder
This is as hardcore as Mizzou gets. And we’ll never give the Real KC back to Kansas. We won it fair and square in the Border War in 1978.
Oh, and one more thing...
…I used to think pretty badly about Branson until I found myself stuck for three hours making the Seiverville/Pigeon Forge/Gatlinburg Run. Seriously, Tennessee, what the hell?
I picked up this nifty poster in Pigeon Forge on the way to Myrtle Beach:
Brian Kelly says no Spicy Sea Nuggets.
by Ancient Chinese Secret on Aug 4, 2010 1:39 PM EDT up reply actions
There are no words.
Given enough velocity even a pig will fly
by MarioVanPeebles Republic of China on Aug 4, 2010 1:50 PM EDT up reply actions
It has been ridiculously, hellishly, take-your-pants-off-in-public-to-let-your-nuts-cool hot in MO this year, so why can’t a lawya take a dip in a fucking pool?
As the old joke goes,
Missouri has two seasons: Hot and Road Construction.
Brian Kelly says no Spicy Sea Nuggets.
by Ancient Chinese Secret on Aug 4, 2010 1:46 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
HAHAHA...yes.
Given enough velocity even a pig will fly
by MarioVanPeebles Republic of China on Aug 4, 2010 1:50 PM EDT up reply actions
Minnie, however, has four:
Almost Winter
Winter
Still Winter
Road Construction
"...when the devil says to you: do not drink, answer him: I will drink, and right freely, just because you tell me not to."
— Martin Luther
It's true, you know.
I was just checking the specs on the endline... for the... rotary girder...
by Minnesota Fats on Aug 4, 2010 3:29 PM EDT up reply actions
to add annoyance to the Walker thing
he may have called a cab to take him home:
“The coaches had traveled on a rented bus and were unloading coolers when police arrived. One source said a taxi had arrived at the facility to drive Walker home, but (MU Police Capt. Brian) Weimer said he was unaware of the report mentioning a taxi at the scene. “I have no idea about that,” he said."
Anyone who favors strong crypto
can get a lot of other silly stuff ignored.
Conference homers are the lowest form of fandom. That is why the SEC has so many of them.
So what if we elected a Dead Guy?
As of 2000, Sakerlina had been doing it for years.
Honk honk.
Brian Kelly says no Spicy Sea Nuggets.
by Ancient Chinese Secret on Aug 4, 2010 7:03 PM EDT up reply actions
we're getting rid of our strip clubs
We just passed a law that will effectively close them down. Jschooltiger had the dead guy thing spot on.
There are enough shootings in columbia to warrant actual police action, but instead they hang out downtown. This is why I moved. Not worth getting the fiance shot.
sucks to be y'all
in new orleans, the cops would probably call the coaches pussies for drinking beer, and then pull out a bottle of jack and pass it around while taking pictures of some drunk chick flashing. then they would glimpse a kid smoking a joint and set their night sticks to “lawsuit” and make an example out of him. never understood why they crack down so hard weed here.
NEVER QUIT!
by DrewBreesManCrush on Aug 4, 2010 3:34 PM EDT reply actions
Might as well add some points for Marshall as well...
Robbing the Pizza Guy and then kicking him in the chest will get your ass kicked off pretty quick.
I noticed that the gin of choice
was New Amsterdam. Not being a gin drinker, does this qualify as another offense or is it in good taste?
by An 'eer with a beer on Aug 4, 2010 4:00 PM EDT up reply actions
New Amsterdam
Oh great, now Ive got a Four Lads song stuck in my head.
Conference homers are the lowest form of fandom. That is why the SEC has so many of them.
by gtne91 on Aug 4, 2010 4:04 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
Not They Might Be Giants?
"...when the devil says to you: do not drink, answer him: I will drink, and right freely, just because you tell me not to."
— Martin Luther
Sure, thats the version I actually have stuck in my head.
I just know who TMBG was covering.
Conference homers are the lowest form of fandom. That is why the SEC has so many of them.
Four Lads version
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vankaSlfSr0
Conference homers are the lowest form of fandom. That is why the SEC has so many of them.
Well, lookit that...
I had no idea whatsoever. +1 to you, sir!
"...when the devil says to you: do not drink, answer him: I will drink, and right freely, just because you tell me not to."
— Martin Luther
It's not bad...
I recently tried it out, and while it’s no Tanqueray or Bombay, it beats the hell outta Gilbey’s, Gordon’s, or Seagram’s.
Solid, middle of the road gin. Respectable for a college kid.
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