THE FULMER CUP: THE BIG BOARD ENTERS THE LIGHTNING ROUND

The Big Board enters LIGHTING ROUND phase as we approach the final ten days of the 2010 Fulmer Cup Season. Hark! What light through yon window breaks? It is the sun, or perhaps the massive member of Brian, boardmaster and swordsman whose erect phallus is used as a sundial by the fearful but respectful natives of his village. They have a word for it: "reggienelsonish."

Explanations follow.  (Click for EXCITING ANIMATION!) 

Fulmercup-1_medium

We'll wait out the final week to settle things and completely update the board, but Georgia's due for a recalculation here.

5 - Zach Mettenberger - underage possession, disorderly, fake IDs

2 - Montez Robinson - hitting girls

2 - Josh Parrish - underage possession, fake ID

4 - Damon Evans, DUI w/ red panties

1 - Jordan Love, obstruction

3 - Dontavious Jackson, DUI

1 - Tavarres King, underage possession

That's eighteen points right there, a bad enough score and testament to the Athens/ Clarke County Police Department's ability to arrest people for minor offenses all by itself. The score should by rule be even worse thanks to our own inane rule spelled out here: 

Bonus points are awarded for multiple team offenses. Upon the 4th team arrest, four bonus points are awarded. On the 5th team arrest, 5 bonus points are awarded. 6 points are awarded for the 6th team arrest and so on and so on..

We've clearly constructed an overly punitive system for recognizing multiple arrests, which at most should be a point a piece on top of the original charge. There will have to be a revision in the name our scanty but still extant logic. Meanwhile, Minnesota's points actually add up to sixteen---

1 - Shady Salamon, fighting

3 - Sam Maresh, drinking x2

10 - Moped-a-go-go

2 - DUI, Theret

---and likely wouldn't compete with Georgia's after bonuses were awarded. So at this point, prior to us going back, seeing if we missed a few points on Minnesota's side, and double checking our math, the Bulldogs have a firm grip on the Fulmer Cup barring a riot at ECU or complete apocalypse somewhere else. (It's not riot week at ECU, right? Thought that was in September.) If this holds, it will be less a testament to how lawless Mark Richt's program it is, but instead to the general sense of joie de vivre surrounding Athens and its picayune police force's ways. 

The only other development of interest: we gave a total of five points to Oregon State for Nude Taser Rhino, because if any event demanded extra bonus points, it's a drunk nude football player in a three-point stance charging the cops. The state of Oregon now stands tied at 14 points a piece for UO and OSU, and no ties will be broken here since the state should accept the state prize for THE STATE MOST RUCKUS-SOME in college football with unified pride. Well done, assorted tipsy Beavers and Ducks. 

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