THE FULMER CUP: THE BIG BOARD ENTERS THE LIGHTNING ROUND
by Spencer Hall on Aug 24, 2010 2:08 PM EDT
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PrintThe Big Board enters LIGHTING ROUND phase as we approach the final ten days of the 2010 Fulmer Cup Season. Hark! What light through yon window breaks? It is the sun, or perhaps the massive member of Brian, boardmaster and swordsman whose erect phallus is used as a sundial by the fearful but respectful natives of his village. They have a word for it: "reggienelsonish."
Explanations follow. (Click for EXCITING ANIMATION!)
We'll wait out the final week to settle things and completely update the board, but Georgia's due for a recalculation here.
5 - Zach Mettenberger - underage possession, disorderly, fake IDs
2 - Montez Robinson - hitting girls
2 - Josh Parrish - underage possession, fake ID
4 - Damon Evans, DUI w/ red panties
1 - Jordan Love, obstruction
3 - Dontavious Jackson, DUI
1 - Tavarres King, underage possession
That's eighteen points right there, a bad enough score and testament to the Athens/ Clarke County Police Department's ability to arrest people for minor offenses all by itself. The score should by rule be even worse thanks to our own inane rule spelled out here:
Bonus points are awarded for multiple team offenses. Upon the 4th team arrest, four bonus points are awarded. On the 5th team arrest, 5 bonus points are awarded. 6 points are awarded for the 6th team arrest and so on and so on..
We've clearly constructed an overly punitive system for recognizing multiple arrests, which at most should be a point a piece on top of the original charge. There will have to be a revision in the name our scanty but still extant logic. Meanwhile, Minnesota's points actually add up to sixteen---
1 - Shady Salamon, fighting
3 - Sam Maresh, drinking x2
10 - Moped-a-go-go
2 - DUI, Theret
---and likely wouldn't compete with Georgia's after bonuses were awarded. So at this point, prior to us going back, seeing if we missed a few points on Minnesota's side, and double checking our math, the Bulldogs have a firm grip on the Fulmer Cup barring a riot at ECU or complete apocalypse somewhere else. (It's not riot week at ECU, right? Thought that was in September.) If this holds, it will be less a testament to how lawless Mark Richt's program it is, but instead to the general sense of joie de vivre surrounding Athens and its picayune police force's ways.
The only other development of interest: we gave a total of five points to Oregon State for Nude Taser Rhino, because if any event demanded extra bonus points, it's a drunk nude football player in a three-point stance charging the cops. The state of Oregon now stands tied at 14 points a piece for UO and OSU, and no ties will be broken here since the state should accept the state prize for THE STATE MOST RUCKUS-SOME in college football with unified pride. Well done, assorted tipsy Beavers and Ducks.
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Damon Evans shouldn't get points.
So, like any good fan, I’m claiming that title as ours (barring Jawja getting a late point somewhere).
Everyone fails. The successful learn from their failures. I just wish we'd quit giving ourselves so many learning opportunities.
by WhiteSpeedReceiver on Aug 24, 2010 2:12 PM EDT reply actions
How could the state of Oregon take our title? We have noles and canes down heah!
Oh how the mighty have fallen…
We’ve been workin’ hard on that naked three point stance as well as ridin’ dirty—whether it be on land OR sea.
and damn
WVU has scored no points (zero, zilch, zip, nada, bupkis) this season, while little brother Marshall is tied for 10th place. ssup wif dat?
"I like the taste of danger most of all." - Jonatha Brooke
by MtnEer_in_SC on Aug 24, 2010 3:16 PM EDT up reply actions
It's just a thing
Oregon Consumes more PBR by volume (not per capita) than any other state in the nation.
Portland has more breweries than any other city on earth (and more more strip clubs per capita than any other city in the U.S.).
We’re also at the nexus of the West Coast weed trade route (up from Humbolt, down from B.C.).
Look upon our works, ye mighty, and despair.
"Conan, what is best in life?"
"To crush your enemies, see them driven before you and hear the lamentations of their women!"
by lordloveaduck on Aug 24, 2010 3:48 PM EDT up reply actions
zz where you been?
You’ve been missed on the vent. Hope you are doing well at least until 10/30.
Hey haters...
_________________
I'm Banana dammit!!!
by BurritoBrosShits on Aug 24, 2010 2:14 PM EDT reply actions 1 recs
No more complaining about East Coast bias out here, I guess.
We have arrived!
axemen23: the human vuvuzela
There goes Paul Wulf's chances for a win this year
"When a guy takes off his coat, he's not going to fight. When a guy takes off his wristwatch, watch out!"
- Al McGuire
www.anonymouseagle.com
Why the asterisk on FSU?
Also, will the Oregon State guy get a nomination for the Ellis T. Jones award?
A recount, if I recall
It is a truth universally acknowledged that a zombie in possession of brains must be in want of more brains
by Chekhov's Spread Gun Option on Aug 24, 2010 2:16 PM EDT up reply actions
Ellis T. Jones nominee, I believe.
Everyone fails. The successful learn from their failures. I just wish we'd quit giving ourselves so many learning opportunities.
by WhiteSpeedReceiver on Aug 24, 2010 2:21 PM EDT up reply actions
Correct.
Because college football is too important to be left to the professionals.
by Spencer Hall on Aug 24, 2010 2:27 PM EDT up reply actions
I don't know the point comparison
but OSU guy has far less substance than style. But that style should outweigh any lack of substance.
Nick Saban is my BFF
Nigel Carr is the current leader for the Ellis T. Jones III Award....
And I believe he has all of FSU’s 16 points, which is why there’s an asterisk.
Although, if memory serves, he only has 15 points, and another player picked up a single point for something else waaaay back in May or June
"I think so, Brain, but how are we going to get the bacon flavoring into the pencils?"
Think it means all the points are for one guy
Which makes them ineligible for the team award unless somebody else gets their malfeasance on.
Another late-[off]season fade.
What else is new?
Le sigh.
Brian Kelly says no Spicy Sea Nuggets.
by Ancient Chinese Secret on Aug 24, 2010 2:16 PM EDT reply actions
So sorry, brah
some alt treats for you
"I like the taste of danger most of all." - Jonatha Brooke
by MtnEer_in_SC on Aug 24, 2010 3:14 PM EDT up reply actions
This is an outrage!
FSU–16
UF–8
USF–1
How did we let the STATE MOST RUCKUS-SOME get away from us? Miami needs to step their game up. Also, where the hell are FIU and FAU?
It is a truth universally acknowledged that a zombie in possession of brains must be in want of more brains
by Chekhov's Spread Gun Option on Aug 24, 2010 2:20 PM EDT reply actions
USF should have 2 points...
It’s another lame drivers license issue, but he did spend two days in jail.
Go Bulls!
by Leavitt Town on Aug 24, 2010 2:39 PM EDT up reply actions
There can be only one reason Florida has not gotten into any trouble in the off-season. Urbz is having the strippers
and the weed brought to the players rather than the other way around. Any problems are then dealt with “internally.”
Pandemonium Reigns
by Pandemonium Reigns on Aug 24, 2010 2:46 PM EDT up reply actions
Quick question!
How many points would a player get for a felony first degree murder charge?
So you can run and tell that, homeboy.
by Tubby Sweetbundle on Aug 24, 2010 2:23 PM EDT reply actions
5
I'm afraid I have no choice but to sell you all for scientific experiments.
by boddagettaflyer on Aug 24, 2010 2:28 PM EDT up reply actions
5 Points I believe, plus all the funny sucked out of the Fulmer Cup for that year.
"Death is but a doorway, time is but a window, I'll be back."
-Vigo the Carpathian
by ConfusingJazz on Aug 24, 2010 2:28 PM EDT up reply actions
It's happened.
Arizona State running back Loren Wade, pre-Fulmer Cup, in 2005 shot someone dead outside a nightclub in Arizona.
Because college football is too important to be left to the professionals.
by Spencer Hall on Aug 24, 2010 2:40 PM EDT up reply actions
WOOOO! FULMER CUP CIVIL WAR!
"...when the devil says to you: do not drink, answer him: I will drink, and right freely, just because you tell me not to."
— Martin Luther
Nothing says "committment" like wearing a faux cocunut bra with your school's logos on it...
You may not like what I have to say...but somebody has to say it...
Well, everyone knows those Gawja POleese gonna throw your ass in jail
At the first Opportunity. This is something Northerners learn before leaving our states on Spring Break!
What we've got here is...failure to communicate.
I'm afraid I have no choice but to sell you all for scientific experiments.
by boddagettaflyer on Aug 24, 2010 3:01 PM EDT up reply actions
Technically that's a Florida cop,
but a redneck, power-drunk dipshit nonetheless.
Red Cup Rebellion - Changing the Culture of Ole Miss Athletics
Take a picture, trick.
by The Ghost of Jay Cutler on Aug 25, 2010 10:40 AM EDT up reply actions
Do I Get a Credit
for calling for a recount in yesterday’s Fulmer Cup post?
Correcting someone’s math and bringing shame on UGA is really all the reward that I need anyway.
by ramblingamblinjohn on Aug 24, 2010 2:40 PM EDT reply actions
A techie using the internets to demand mathematical revision so he could stick it UGA?
That might be the most stereotypical Ga Tech thing ever done.
Well, maybe you could’ve minimized World of Warcraft and corrected the your name’s spelling from “Shamabalayamara” to “Shamabalyamaran,” but well done nonetheless.
The new year approaching, click in. Let’s facelift bar! Open the wardrobe is not yet found love after another the right clothes? So, also waiting for? Immediate action bar!
It brings a tear to my eye
That might be the most stereotypical Ga Tech thing ever done
Conference homers are the lowest form of fandom. That is why the SEC has so many of them.
PHIL STEELE SHIRTS FOR SALE
JUST $24.99 AND THE BEST COLLEGE FOOTBALL T-SHIRTS FOR ELEVENTYGIILLION YEARS RUNNING THIS SHIT IS THE VHT SP EXP MANA
The new year approaching, click in. Let’s facelift bar! Open the wardrobe is not yet found love after another the right clothes? So, also waiting for? Immediate action bar!
Are they available...
…from goladymall.com? Because that’s where I get all my shirts from, yo.
by DisplacedTideFan on Aug 24, 2010 3:55 PM EDT up reply actions
Oregon
I hate to take anything away from my native state of Oregon when it comes to stylish bending of the elbows mixed with keeping the cops honest, BUT…
Do Masoli’s Fulmer Cup points get transferred to Ole Miss with him?
I vote for no.
Not only would it drop Oregon out of our nice little two way tie (still can’t believe this—naked three point stance!) but he did his dirt as a duck and while living in The Beaver State.
Only if his stats go with him, too, brah.
"...when the devil says to you: do not drink, answer him: I will drink, and right freely, just because you tell me not to."
— Martin Luther
Mettenburger
Hey, now, weren’t all of those alcohol charges dropped when the boy plead guilty to some inappropriate petting?
Remberton, Georgia! The Bulldog Nation thanks you for your efforts.
Assholes.
not drunk, just overserved
by Gen. Stoopnagle on Aug 24, 2010 3:15 PM EDT reply actions
I think UGA got bonus points for
- Spring Breakin’ in Valdosta
- Being banned from Valdosta
"It’s not Disneyland, people. Get the hell out of the way." NYC Firefighter
by jokastrength on Aug 24, 2010 3:22 PM EDT up reply actions
Montez Robinson
Isn’t hitting girls worth 3 points, unless she’s prone to fits of self-mutilation?
By "Lighting" Round
I think you mean Lightning Round
/ESS ESS SEE Speed’d
by ESS EEE SEE Speed on Aug 24, 2010 3:23 PM EDT reply actions
Orson
Did they not put that memo on how to put moving .gifs in a post in your orientation packet? I’d ask PB or joel about it, but it seems everyone is taking their last vacation time before the season.
Managing Editor/Chief Lackey-And The Valley Shook THE LSU Tigers Blog of the Week for 52,136 Weeks in a Row and Counting
No bonus points for ND?
We had what was it, 8 guys picked up in one bust? That’s gotta count for something
Excerpts of the felony report for Marshall
Former Glades Central and Marshall University football player Antwon Chisholm has been charged with felony robbery for his alleged involvement in the July 31 theft of a Papa John’s delivery man on or near Marshall’s Huntington, W.Va., school campus. Earlier this month, the court filed two felony robbery charges against Chisholm’s Marshall teammate, Dwyer alum Mike Fleurizard. Court documents say Fleurizard took part in two robberies on July 31, including the Papa’s John incident.
They were awarded 3 points earlier. Based on the new charges, it should be 9. That gives Marshall 16.
This is how non-BCS teams get the upsets
Just stick with the fundamentals and play on through the whistle. This could put Marshal in the running. All they need is a little more support.
Go Bulls!
by Leavitt Town on Aug 24, 2010 4:05 PM EDT up reply actions
I thought we could agree not knowing one's middle name is NOT a crime
Jordan Love’s charges for obstruction of justice (or what ever they call it) was dropped. Turns out he never used his middle name so he didn’t know it when the PoPo asked for it. At that point, the ACCPD officer got a major hard on, yelled at Love for giving him “lip” and decided to resolve the situation like a real man by arresting the uppity SOB without getting the real facts.
I’m not saying… I’m just sayin’.
Don't know....
….I do know the athens police chief essentially stated the boneheadedness of the charge and then stated that they would essentially support Jordan at the initial hearing, however, last I heard the judge involved (despite the ACCC’s apparent support) signed the official arrest warrant thereby bringing formal charges. No doubt they’ve been dropped in the interim, as I can’t imagine this thing going forward, but I’ve heard nothing about it since early July one way or the other (which could be a good indication that the charges are likely to go away). Funny though, only in Athens could you have the police chief come out in public support of your defense, only for the judge to find reason for formal charges to proceed. Crazy.
It was actually UGA PD that arrested him, Different department all together.
And picayune? How fucking dare you call me picayune?
/looks up picayune
Well, you’ve won this round, but I’ll back you son of a…ooooh lookit! Somebody forgot to check their tag light!
I heard about the Naked 3 pt. Stance this morning on the radio, and immediately thought Fulmer Cup
I’m glad that when I checked in today, this feat was being recognized, and also that it has culminated in Oregon taking the Most Ruckus-some title.
It’s good to know that people on the internets are tracking these things.
Notre Dame Bonus Points?
Shouldn’t Notre Dame be higher in the standings with your bonus point scoring system? They had 11 players arrested at once (http://www.ajc.com/sports/11-notre-dame-players-572668.html)... by my calculations that’s an extra 56 points in just bonus points….
by White Girl, Red Panties on Aug 24, 2010 6:44 PM EDT reply actions
I think he may deserve more than 5 bonus points
According to the news story linked here (specifically the interview of the victims in the video a the link below), he urinated on a computer during the incident, that should be another few points:
"Good evening Blazer fans, wherever you may be!"-Bill Schonely
Citadel QB
I still think there should be an exception made for the Citadel QB that tied up one of his own coaches and robbed him for yay and money should be eligible for the Ellis T Jones award.
Hell if 1-AA guys can make it in the Heisman race they should be able to do this too.
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