THE CURIOUS INDEX, 8/12/2010

GOOD MORNING, STANZIMERICANS. Ricky Stanzi did not get a mention in the 100 Random Thoughts yesterday, mostly because Adrian Clayborn did, and he gets jealous when you mention Iowa people rather than him. You won't like Adrian Clayborn when he's jealous, or enraged, or in any state besides cuddling happily with his soon-to-be-lethal but adorable attack dog. 

Hawkeye State does have the proper tribute for the Big Ten's most patriotic 56% passer, however. 

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USA, Number one, brah.

 WE DUB THEE SPARKLECOCK. Funtimes activity, installment eleventybillion! Go to this article on GatorSports. Then look at the picture of Ronald Powell, Florida's much-coveted signee and incoming freshman at Defensive End. Notice the third knee sticking out between his legs? Either Ronald Powell is sitting Indian-style in this photo and is showing his ankles off, or he has a fist with its own bracelet for a penis.  We choose to believe the latter, and dub thee SPARKLECOCK. Live up to that nickname, Mr. Blue Chip Sex Knuckle. 

NOEL DEVINE IS GOING TO GRADUATE DESPITE HAVING THE LIFE OF A BOTSWANAN ORPHAN. Just in case you forgot, Noel Devine had both parents die from AIDS before the age of 11, still somehow graduated from high school, and didn't even think about leaving early for the NFL because he wants to graduate. There are a thousand little cynicisms to slap into the narrative (and if Deion Sanders is involved, they should be there.)  He's still in one piece, though, and will finish the degree, a minor miracle in any sense of the words. 

ABLAMA CANT SPEL MISISSIPPI STAET.  Just claim it was intentional, y'all, since Mullen did disrespect Nick Saban's lack of quarterback-grooming skills, and unjustly so since Saban did have Matt Mauck, and he's going to make a fine dentist one day. The Crimson Tide are not alone today in unfortunate spelling. Bob Stoops strikes us as a Pinot Noir guy, since the grape is expensive, very good under the right conditions, and sometimes falls to pieces under the slightest pressure. 

WOOOHOOO DELOSS DODDS AIN'T NO COMMIE. When you want to share you go and spend $800 billion on your weight room, Kansas State. OR SHOULD WE CALL YOU COMRADE, TOVARECH? 

MMM. MARSHMALLOWS. The possible white helmet variation for Virginia Tech (via TSL)  isn't terrible looking, but the white is a bit marshmallow-y, and the last thing the ACC's best hope for a BCS contender needs is to further associate the league with light, fluffy, and easily digestible candy you devour once a year. 

THE BEST EXAMPLE OF WHY THIS IS A NECESSARY RESOURCE. Realness is all over the place here, but why should you use the SportsReference.com's database for college football? BRADLEE VAN PELT, THAT'S WHY. We're going to see if we can sponsor his page, because along with Dave Ragone of Louisville he never slid and always took the hit. It wasn't bright, but my god was it awesome to watch. Bonus: blonde power mullet. 

IT HAS BEEN THIRTY YEARS. Goddamn you all for this, but life's paid Florida back abundantly for that particularly horrible night at the tables. The offensive coordinator for that game for Florida, by the way, was Mike Shanahan, who is now the second Florida guy to line up at the Dan Snyder firehose of cash. Never say we don't like free meals and willing suckers, since Gators love carrion. 

BECAUSE HE GOT HIGH. Sometimes you get the good stuff, and sometimes you get the zoink weed laced with PCP and misted with bug spray. That can make a man squirrelly, as it may have done with Dillon Baxter of USC, who is suspended by Lane Kiffin after a "violation of team rules" coinciding with an incident in the dorm where players stay (note: did not say "athletic dorm") involving an altercation and a controlled substance. Lane Kiffin will answer your questions about this as soon as he stops texting Bryce Brown the phrase "snitchez get stitchez" on the hour every hour. 

ACROSS TOWN: UCLA's defensive line is a bit less than cherry-new pristine at the moment. It's not the end of the world, but no, it ain't good. 

SPEAKING OF SADNESSES: Ghost ships. The internet is full of them. (HT: Eleven Warriors.) 

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