THE CURIOUS INDEX, 8/10/10

MEN RUNNING IN LINES. If you go to a fall practice, we hope you like men running in lines, since a good twenty percent of all football practices are that: men running in lines, running side to side, running in skip-step, running backwards...it's all quite thrilling. 

The other amusing thing about a college football practice are the segments where coaches are doing things like throwing the ball in the air to see who can catch a punt, since remember: they're not actually sure which athletes, despite their burning speed, low bodyfat counts, and impressive musculature, can actually catch a football and then run with it. 

URBAN MEYER'S FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR: Florida holds their media day today, where Urban Meyer will demonstrate his newfound breezy demeanor by allowing reporters to ask his player anything for as long as they want! He'll also hand out $25 Applebee's gift certificates, smiles, and lines of powdered unicorn horn to whoever wants it! It's all going to happen and is one hundred percent accurate!* 

Meanwhile, Teryl Austin is getting familiar with a college media tradition: the preseason fluff piece. Shocking revelations include him doing well, feeling comfortable, and being positive. (As opposed to defensive coaches telling beat writers how terrified, anxious, uncomfortable, and alienated they feel.) 

JUST A FOOT, RELAX. Mark Herzlich, recovering from cancer, missed yesterday's Boston College practice, but just for a tweak in his foot. At this point we wouldn't be surprised to see the insanely tough Herzlich play with cancer. Yeah, the tumor was bothering me in the third quarter, but you have to block that out, just like I did on that critical pass break-up in the fourth quarter. Tumors don't tell champions when it's time to eat lunch, man. 

HE'S GOT A DEFENSE THAT'S BETTER THAN THAT. See, this is proper preseason fluff: a reporter asking Arkansas players about their favorite music, and discovering that a.) DJ Williams applies John Mayer when heartbreak invades his world, and b.) Arkansas defensive coordinator Willy Robinson is a big Talking Heads fan, which is good because his defense really burned down the house last year! (Their own!) (/crapspants) (/leavesstage) 

THE EIGHTH VARIATION OF THIS STORY YOU WILL SEE: Hey, Ralph Friedgen knows he's this close to being fired! 

BILL CALLAHAN SHOULD HAVE READ THIS. Smart Footballkeeps it simple and stupidly clear on how to work the West Coast Offense into college football. 

*Results may vary by a margin of error of 100% 

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