THE CURIOUS INDEX, 7/7/2010

BRILLIANT! The audio on this version of "The Play" doesn't sound right. It's okay: you're not having a stroke, or at least we think you're not having a stroke. Unless you're hearing an English man call what sounds like a rugby try in the middle of it, and if so, yeah, you're totally having a stroke. 

Someone thought putting "the Try" and its stellar British soundtrack over "the Play" would make sense, and we'll be damned if it doesn't since "The Play" is really just a rugby play in disguise. (The original footage for "The Try" comes from the 1973 All Blacks/ Barbarians match, which is pretty spectacular all by its lonesome.) 

MIKE GARRETT APOLOGIZES, EVEN THOUGH WE'RE SURE HE'S JUST THINKING YOU'RE JEALOUS OF NOT BEING HIM ANYWAY. Crazy-ass Mike Garrett, USC Athletic Director and spier of haters and other envious types clearly jealous of all that USC is, had a moment of clarity in apologizing to Florida for an accusation of improperly contacting USC recruit Dillon Baxter. Then, feeling uncomfortable at so much sanity at once, he proclaimed himself to be "a sexual Stalin" and offered to make love to the nearest potted plant to demonstrate his virility while talking to his best friend "Charlie Burrito," a half-eaten foil-wrapped burrito Garrett has been carrying in his coat pocket for four months now. He regards it both as a trusted advisor and a good friend. 

IN CASE YOU WERE WONDERING: Media profile-wise, we're moving from outspoken White Evangelical Florida Quarterback Profile (Tebow, Wuerffel) and into lunky, polo-wearing monosyllabic jock Florida QB (Leak, Johnson, Bell.) If good quotes were food, reporters would starve over the next year unless Urban makes OL Matt Patchan available, he of the vegan kosher diet, cracked blood type diet quotes, and epic pancake eating. 

POINTS MAY COME OFF THE BOARD. For Jordan Love's insanely stupid arrest, that is, since not giving your middle name (Lawrence) to the cops somehow gets you an arrest, and proves that Athens police have way, way too much time on their hands. Love didn't help by giving them a reason to arrest him, no matter how stupid said reason might be, so countervailing stupidities by the police and Love may just let the points stand. 

A BAREFOOT DOG WITH NO PANTS. ABOUT RIGHT, WE'D SAY. War Eagle Reader's Miss State preview says about all one need ever know about the Bulldogs program in the mascot section. 

RECOVERING NICELY: Jamel Turner, the Ohio State recruit shot last month, is out of the hospital and recovering.He still has to graduate high school after, you know, being multiple times, but yeah, he's got this after cheating death. (Which should get him out of at least one class if the high school has any sense of propriety.) 

INCUMBENTS TAKE NOTE. Ohio State may have influenced the 2004 Presidential Election more than you might have figured, since home wins usually add a percentage point or so to turnout for the incumbent. This leads to the Book of Questions style query: would you root for the opposing team in a crucial rivalry if it meant preventing the election of a genuinely evil candidate NO WE COULDN'T HAIL SENATOR SATAN I SUPPORT YOUR POLICIES OF CHILD CANNIBALISM GO GATORS. 

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