FULMER CUPDATE: OKLAHOMA RUNNING BACK ADMITS TO MAGICAL TWO DRINKS
by Spencer Hall on Jul 28, 2010 2:59 PM EDT
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PrintWhy, oh why, does two drinks seem to make the most sense to drunk drivers pulled over for suspicion of DUI? No one admits to having three drinks, perhaps because three drinks is quite a vent of the old steam valve if you're doing it properly. Admitting four is just admitting that you've had twelve, because four properly mixed drinks should get anyone but the most hardened soldier a proper degree of welcome shell shock. Five and above is the truth, and should never tell that when asked the question "How many drinks have you had tonight?" by anyone.
Isn't that right, Peter?
So two drinks it is in the brain of the drunk, the total amount Oklahoma fifth-year senior Mossis Madu admitted to having when Norman police pulled him over at 3 a.m. on Saturday in an overly chill state. (Overly chill to drive, that is.) Madu may not have been lying when he said two drinks as long as they were served in beer steins, and were martinis: he blew a robust 0.19 on the breath test, and was charged with DUI.
Madu's hopes for playing time may not be dead, however. Bob Stoops says he expects Murray to shoulder much of the load this season in an Adrian Peterson-ish fashion. This means Murray has a 66% chance of breaking his collarbone, so stay fit, Mossis. In the meantime, you score two points for the Oklahoma Sooners in the Fulmer Cup. Also, if you're reading this out loud in your head, we're pronouncing this "Moss-Iss," because that is a very, very silly way to spell Charleton Heston's name, and we would say that to your parents and their faces and everything.
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Two drinks? Lightweight.
_________________
I'm Banana dammit!!!
by BurritoBrosShits on Jul 28, 2010 3:01 PM EDT via mobile reply actions
I'll lobby for a bonus point for Oklahoma but not Madu
Oklahoma University has its own BAC calculator complete with a surprisingly large array of drinks to input. Such a service to students is rarely offered and deserves nodding and applause.
For the record: at 200 lbs (his listed weight is 197), eight mint juleps would only have him at .18 even if pulled over immediately, according to their calculator.
The new year approaching, click in. Let’s facelift bar! Open the wardrobe is not yet found love after another the right clothes? So, also waiting for? Immediate action bar!
Rutherford! Bentley! Consult the calculator!
You chaps may have had too many juleps this fine evening to drive your horse-buggy amongst the denizens of Norman!
The new year approaching, click in. Let’s facelift bar! Open the wardrobe is not yet found love after another the right clothes? So, also waiting for? Immediate action bar!
Which probably explains
this. Though I doubt there’s ever been a Rufneck named Rutherford or Bentley.
"...when the devil says to you: do not drink, answer him: I will drink, and right freely, just because you tell me not to."
— Martin Luther
This BAC Calculator has problems- at least 2.
It only goes up to 8 drinks, and doesn’t go above 240 lbs.
Juleps you say?
Dammit, now I want to go to Bourbon and Branch.
Wait, it’s Wednesday night! Password is “books.” F this, I’m outta here…
"Well, if that ain't a show, I'll kiss your ass." - Gov. Jim Folsom Sr. (D-AL), 1948-52
Psshh
If you want a real one, hit up The Julep Cup in Lexington. $9.50 is expensive for one, but you get it fixed in an authentic julep cup with maker’s mark, hand-shaved ice, homemade syrup, and mint grown on the premises.
mmmm….It’s good to have land….
The new year approaching, click in. Let’s facelift bar! Open the wardrobe is not yet found love after another the right clothes? So, also waiting for? Immediate action bar!
Henry Watterson has the only acceptable julep recipe
Pluck the mint gently from its bed, just as the dew of the evening is about to form on it. Select the choicer sprigs only, but do not rinse them. Prepare the simple syrup and measure out a half-tumbler of whiskey. Pour the whiskey into a well-frosted silver cup, throw the other ingredients away, and drink the whiskey.
Conference homers are the lowest form of fandom. That is why the SEC has so many of them.
BAC calculator developed by Canadian immigrants?
There are 4 classifications of canadian beer, however everything from a dainty 4% abv wheat beer (Sweetwater Blue) to a nice 9% abv imperial stout (North Coast Old Rasputin) is lumped into the “beer” category…interesting
by TangoHotelWhiskeyGolf on Jul 28, 2010 4:48 PM EDT up reply actions
In Oklahoma
they believe all liquors lead to evil. Beer is only 4% by volume if bought in bars or restaurants or grocery stores. I BELIEVE higher percentage can be bought in liquor stores, as long as it’s before 10pm…
by Chloe Denmark on Jul 28, 2010 6:10 PM EDT up reply actions
Unless things have changed in last 5 years…
Beer in OK is 3.2% at grocery, convenient stores. The OK Legislature does not consider 3.2% beer an “intoxicating beverage” although they will put your ass in jail for getting drunk off of it. The “non-intoxicating” stance is why they allow it to be purchased cold and ready to drink as you drive home. No domestic beer is above 3.2% in OK even at restaurants/bars.
Import beer is regular strength, but can only be bought in liquor stores. And liquor stores cannot sell any beer cold (must be room temperature). This is why breweries such as New Belgium who require their beer be shipped and sold refrigerated do not sell in OK. You can buy regular strength imports in restaurants/bars.
You cannot buy ice in OK liquor stores unless you exchange the money in the parking lot and the establishment keeps the ice in one of those outdoor freezers you see on the sidewalk at convenience stores. Also, liquor stores cannot be open on Sundays OR election day. This requires pre-planning for the weekend in that you MUST have your liquor store beer purchased no later than Thursday night so it can be properly chilled and ready to go. It also requires a garage fridge due to keeping a large inventory since you can’t run down to the liquor store and replenish at halftime on Saturday (unless you like drinking your beer hot).
On a positive note, Norman is the only place I know in OK which has a drive-thru liquor store, so kudos to them.
Never had Old Ruffian
The only beers I know are not sold in OK is if the brewery requires refrigerated shipment/storage. Alcohol content is not an issue if sold in a liquor store at room temperature.
by Jim Grizzle on Jul 29, 2010 12:44 PM EDT up reply actions
Good God, that makes Alabama sound progressive.
And Alabama’s got some fucked up blue laws.
I'm afraid I have no choice but to sell you all for scientific experiments.
by boddagettaflyer on Jul 29, 2010 10:34 AM EDT up reply actions
Could be worse
Montgomery County in Maryland has their own liquor control board, and no bars in bowling alleys.
You can bring your own in, and they’ll look the other way — but my Lord: bowling alleys with no bars?
I nearly wept the first time my wife and I stopped in for a few frames and beers and found this out. It’s not called “The People’s Republic of Montgomery County” for nothing.
by An 'eer with a beer on Jul 29, 2010 11:13 AM EDT up reply actions
Oklahoma, Kansas, Utah and Colorado (wtf?) all have the 3.2 limit. That alone eliminates those four states from places that I would ever consider living.
by ESS EEE SEE Speed on Jul 29, 2010 11:16 AM EDT up reply actions
As a former Norman resident..
that’s a pretty thorough assessment of the liquor laws in place when I was there.
However, one very important law was not presented: Not only are the stores closed on Sunday, but the stores close at 9pm every other day of the week.
As Grizzle pointed out… planning is important here. If you run out of full strength beer/liquor before your allotted drinking time elapses, your only option is to hit up the corner gas station (before 2am) for some 3.2 stuff.
by CincySooner on Jul 29, 2010 12:00 PM EDT up reply actions
I can't believe I forgot the 9pm closing time. Burned by that one countless times.
There used to be strip club in a semi-seedy part of Tulsa which had a “shack” out in the parking lot which sold beer. For whatever reason, they did not sell beer/liquor inside. If you were EXTREMELY desperate after 2am, you could make a run to the strip club “beer shack”. I have no idea how they got away with selling it after 2am or out in parking lot, but I imagine cops not wanting to risk their lives may have played a part.
by Jim Grizzle on Jul 29, 2010 12:49 PM EDT up reply actions
Liquor stores closed on election day!?
So you are supposed to vote sober!? Screw that!
by five point stance on Jul 29, 2010 1:38 PM EDT up reply actions
KY has that one
you cant drink until the polls close.
IN got rid of that law this year.
Conference homers are the lowest form of fandom. That is why the SEC has so many of them.
It's a mystery to me
How is it that everyone stops at two drinks? Somehow, everyone questioned by police produces one of the following answers- “two drinks” or “two beers”. Cops bust a nut laughing at that stuff. Whenever a cop sees a car swerving from centerline to edge of pavement or sitting still at a traffic light that turned green two minutes ago says “that fucker looks like he’s had two drinks”. Two little drinks and fucked upper than a wooden watch, magical……and cheap.
The logic, such as it is ...
… probably goes “well, he knows I’ve had some, can’t say zero … three would put me perilously close to the limit, but two should leave me around .05, that would work”.
mmmmmmmmmmm..............
Martini served in a beer stein.
IT’S MOST EFFICIENT !
Given enough velocity even a pig will fly
by MarioVanPeebles Republic of China on Jul 28, 2010 3:04 PM EDT reply actions
Interesting sidebar
Ever notice that it’s 2, and never “a couple”? I think that drunkbrain knows that “couple” has sufficient wiggle room as to feel incriminating, whereas “2” has that truthiness that one looks for when lying to the man.
Too many Frozen Bulls (raspberry vodka & Red Bull) at Seven47
"When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro." - Hunter S. Thompson
i told a cop, on cinco de mayo,
that i had 6 beers over 6 hours. I had to do the field sobriety test twice and at the end he told me to tell my boss that he said, “hello.” I think he let me go because I was white*, he knew my boss, and that the whole ordeal happened before 12 o’clock at night.
Anytime I've been asked by a cop if I was drinking.....
……I’ve always said “not a drop”
If you tell them you had even 1 drink, they’re gonna do a field test every time.
Say "not a drop," and then...
…if you’re in Athens, they’ll say they “smell alcohol” and the shit will go down anyway.
Speaking from personal experience. And I was a PASSENGER. Fuckers. The stories are all true.
________________
STRONG LIKE BOAR
i actually watched an ACLU
video on youtube (cause i am not a lawyer, but i was interested in knowing my rights). They say to just crack the window enough to pass your licence and registration and “so it is harder for the officer to stick his nose in your car and claim he smelled something.”
My favorite maneuver
When your back’s against the wall and the breaks are beatin’ the boys, you could just keep a full bottle of Jack handy, and as soon as you’re pulled over, get out of your car, conspicuously take the plastic wrapping off the lid, open it, and start chugging. GUESS I AM DRUNK, OFFICER.
This was suggested to me by an Athens attorney. He was at least half-serious.
________________
STRONG LIKE BOAR
then he'll call and have your car towed out of the public right-of-way...
you may want to pull into a parking space before doing this.
by five point stance on Jul 28, 2010 4:12 PM EDT up reply actions
They may tow you regardless after that manuver
and you’re going to get hit with an open container violation at least (not open container in a vehicle if you crack it open outside the car).
You’ll likely miss out on the DUI though. Cop will be pissed at you, but if you can handle a guaranteed lesser alcohol charge, and being in the law’s bad graces, then chug away.
It is a truth universally acknowledged that a zombie in possession of brains must be in want of more brains
by Chekhov's Spread Gun Option on Jul 28, 2010 4:50 PM EDT up reply actions
Keep a can of sardines handy in the front seat.
At the first sign of trouble. cram some sardines into your mouth. When approached by the policeman, say hhhheellooo officer. I have no idea how it will work today but a friend of my father’s did it in the early sixties and the cop pointed down the road and said “get your stinking ass out of my face”. Maybe garlic or onion would be just as effective.
This is definitely BS
If you try this stunt, you can be damn sure the judge is going to have absolutely no sympathy for you.
What's funny about the "two drinks, officer" routine
is that it’s constructed to give the image that you were in a swanky bar, enjoying exactly two top-shelf martinis with a beautiful and enchanting lady.
In fact, it was more than two drinks, it was a dive bar, and it was gasoline-flavored gin and tonics with a few of the local drunks.
Brian Kelly says no Spicy Sea Nuggets.
by Ancient Chinese Secret on Jul 28, 2010 3:37 PM EDT reply actions
Yeah, that's a full six-hour shift at the bar for me
"I like the taste of danger most of all." - Jonatha Brooke
by MtnEer_in_SC on Jul 28, 2010 7:39 PM EDT up reply actions
Friend of mine got pulled by Atlanta PD
He asked her how many she’d had, and she looked down, and then up with the big green eyes, and said, “Two…?” He let her go without a field test. She didn’t tell him they were pitchers.
Ah, man, the ’80s.
Friend of mine has been pulled over twice recently
Both times he told the cop ONE drink (like anyone has one).
First time, cop pulls him out, makes him blow, looks at reading and said “Huh, thats the first time anyone who said that has ever been telling the truth. I will let you off with a warning for the speeding.” I think he blew a .01
The 2nd time was a road block and he could see the cop trying to decide whether to pull him out and field test or not and sniffing and finally deciding to just let him go, clearly bigger drunks to catch.
Conference homers are the lowest form of fandom. That is why the SEC has so many of them.
Physicians are trained
to double the amount of alcohol use reported by their patients. It’s more accurate.
"Seriously, baby, I can prescribe anything I want!" -Nicholas Rivera, MD, HUMC graduate
FROM THE ER... TWO BEERS, TWO DUDES
Laughing at this
Just got me the first “what the hell are you doing, get back to work” at my current job I’ve gotten. Thanks, EDSBS!
all we got is cake & cock
& were all out of cake
"When it's third and ten, you can take the milk drinkers and I'll take the whiskey drinkers every time."
(Max McGee - American Football Commentator)
When three beers get poured into a bong
Do they just become “one drink” at that point?
do not drink the bong water
thanks to denial, i'm immortal
by thetennesseethumper on Jul 30, 2010 8:48 AM EDT up reply actions
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