NEEDS MORE EXPLOSIONS. Larry Scott's media assault on New York continues in the name of the Pac-10, the conference of earth, water, and conspicuously placed alumni doing things like scaling redwoods and flashing stacks of Google money. (HT: Cal Golden Blogs.)
Could have used a man with a deeper voice, though any deeper and the narration a.) might not have been audible, and b.) it would have just as well have been called "the Pac-10: Chopped and Screwed." The lack of purple drank tie-ins with Washington in the Sarkisian era has been sadly lacking, but give Sark some time. Sippin' may very well be a part of the recruiting budget yet if they ever decide to pluck a recruit or two from Houston. ("We did not provide recruits with purple drank; however, our assistants did develop a nagging, two-year long cough.")
Scott also had a Pac-10 logo made of mist at the meetings, prompting this immediate list of corollaries:
SEC: Logo displayed in Bud Light Mist
Big 12: Logo displayed in Bevo's Urine Mist
Big Ten: Just a waterfall of cheese with carved olives in the shape of Jim Delany flowing through it. #rotel
Big East: Empty air
C-USA: Arbor Mist Mist
Mountain West: Blood Mist sprayed from horned frog's eyes
ACC: Sweat of Kyle Singler Mist
WAC: Airplane Freshener Mist (from flying thousands of miles to make one in-conference game.)
THE WILD SAMOAN LOOMS CLOSER. The general vibe from Ole Miss is that Houston Nutt wants Masoli, the admissions office is going to try to find a way to get him in, and the rest is attempting to get the necessary waivers and the will to push said waivers through at the last second in order to get him. (All inferred from this article, the basic needs of Ole Miss at quarterback, and one free-roaming but trouble-prone qb of Polynesian descent roaming around out there.)
Masoli will have to enroll in Ole Miss' graduate school in order to use his remaining year of eligibility, and though there is "no timetable" for Masoli's enrollment, there would have to be some special hustle required administratively. Having never received special treatment before in a university setting, this would surely mark a unique perversion of the academic process heretofore unseen in university history! SCANDAL!*
Chip Kelly says he has received no inquiries or requests from Ole Miss, so you know it's not completely done and done yet for his.
IT MAY COULD IN THEORY SORT OF POSSIBLY MIGHT BE POSSIBLE IF EIGHT THINGS HAPPEN. The Football Writer's Association of America has floated the idea of revoting the 2004 national title. The AP will likely not revote, and the BCS won't do anything until the appeals process ends sometime in 2038, but go ahead and claim it Auburn WOOO NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP. If not that, go ahead and claim the Mid-Continental Belt, because anyone can claim that shit if wrestling is any indication of how things work in real life. (And we believe deeply that it is.)
*Dear Ole Miss fans: THIS IS NOT TRUE AND WAS TYPED FOR RHETORICAL EFFECT. Everyone else, thank you for bearing with this footnote, and take this reward for your patience.
HO. LEE. SHIT. If you get nothing else from Scipio Tex's slashing of Mike Sherman's "tedious" Big 12 remarks, it should be this:
I anticipate with six incoming freshmen on the offensive line, at least three of those guys will be either playing or starting for us at some time.
This is only not terrifying if your line was total crap before, and as watchers of the Big 12 know the Aggies' offensive line wasn't actually the problem (15th in passing, 30th in rushing nationally.) Everything save sacks on the other side of the ball, however, was, since the Aggies played binary ball in passing situations: either we get a sack, or you get a touchdown. Ready? GO!
This means the Aggies' planned energy branding will work well except when it doesn't, and will offer no surge protection whatsoever.
DENT'S DENTED DIGIT DENTS DAWGS' DEFENSE. Akeem Dent, projected starting LB for Georgia, is out 4-6 weeks thanks to toe surgery, proving that if you say you're okay at depth at a positions (as Mark Richt said with his linebackers at Media Day,) the Babylonian Monkey God of Injuries and Unpaid Parking Tickets will be happy to change that for you. We've had a similar injury from kicking an XBox, but enough about being shot eleven times in a row by a 12 year old who called us homosexual while doing it in MW2. (We will find you, son. It's been done before.)
BROS BEING BROS. Or being green, as BHGP suggests.