INTO THE MOUTH OF MADNESS: DIAGRAMMING A LES MILES SENTENCE
by Spencer Hall on Jul 27, 2010 11:47 AM EDT
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PrintDon't ever, ever, ever try to do what we did from 10:50 p.m. to 12:00 a.m. last night. Dear reader, we opened a portal to another dimension, and scurried back from the slimy, reptilian ice-hell horrors we saw a shaken wretch. We saw the bones of men wrought into arcane palaces for bloody rituals attended by faceless demon-gods. We saw iron masks mouthing incomprehensible syllables as dead eyes glowed in their sockets. We saw time itself molested with taffy-covered hands.
We attempted to diagram Les Miles' answer from last week about how the oil spill was affecting Louisiana.
The results of what this looks like are after the jump. WARNING: there are two versions, one translated into visuals, and the raw document itself. Both will drive you to madness, and leave you as it left us. We'll be wandering around the rest of the morning painting the walls with occult symbols and claiming " THE NUMBERS ARE TELLING US SOMETHING."
Now, if you dare: the diagrams, after the jump.
The raw:
The enhanced:
No, it's not perfect diagramming either, but IT'S LES MILES TALKING. The rules went out the window at the third stranded dependent clause and eighth UM. May God Have Mercy On Your Souls.
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Is this what english majors do
On Monday nights after a few too many Purple Dranks?
by SEC Supremacist on Jul 27, 2010 11:52 AM EDT reply actions
Stop it now, Spencer
you’re just scaring me.
"I like the taste of danger most of all." - Jonatha Brooke
So afraid
Never was a sane man more dangerously close to the arcana of basic entity — never was an organic brain nearer to utter annihilation in the chaos that transcends form and force and symmetry.
(Lovecraft, obvs)
/Iä! Iä! Cthulhu Fhtagn!
Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn
which roughly translates to “In his house at R’lyeh dead Cthulhu waits dreaming”.
"I like the taste of danger most of all." - Jonatha Brooke
by MtnEer_in_SC on Jul 27, 2010 12:32 PM EDT up reply actions
Poll question
Les Miles- more like:
a) Yog-Sothoth
b) Great Cthulhu
c) Shub-Niggurath
d) Nylarhotep
e) Azathoth.
Please show your work.
Nyarlathotep, also known as the Crawling Chaos
"I like the taste of danger most of all." - Jonatha Brooke
by MtnEer_in_SC on Jul 27, 2010 1:02 PM EDT up reply actions
Close, but no.
The correct answer is Azathoth:
the ordered universe [is] that amorphous blight of nethermost confusion which blasphemes and bubbles at the center of all infinity—the boundless daemon sultan Azathoth, whose name no lips dare speak aloud, and who gnaws hungrily in inconceivable, unlighted chambers beyond time and space amidst the muffled, maddening beating of vile drums and the thin monotonous whine of accursed flutes.[
PHHBT
The Real answer is:
Bubba Ho Tep.
I realize that wasn’t one of the options, but consider:
When Les Miles is given two options he takes the third, and Bubba Ho Tep is a movie about a retired Elvis who is making a living as an Elvis Impersonator, sent to a retirement home with a black John F Kennedy, hunting and being hunted by a mummy. Also, Bruce Campbell would make an awesome Les Miles if he ever needed a dramatic portrayal.
by The Commenter Formerly Known as Not You on Jul 27, 2010 2:51 PM EDT up reply actions
Oh, great.
Now I’m sterile.
by She Blinded Me With Violence on Jul 27, 2010 11:55 AM EDT reply actions 1 recs
This Techie likes this flowchart
Better to have died a small boy than to drop this football - John HeismanFromTheRumbleSeat
by Winfield Featherston on Jul 27, 2010 12:01 PM EDT reply actions
err diagram
Better to have died a small boy than to drop this football - John HeismanFromTheRumbleSeat
by Winfield Featherston on Jul 27, 2010 12:01 PM EDT up reply actions
But, they're words, man, words...
"Orators are most vehement when their cause is weak" Marcus Tullius Cicero
by Stuck in the Plains on Jul 27, 2010 5:44 PM EDT up reply actions
So, this will be your new Avatar, then?
"...when the devil says to you: do not drink, answer him: I will drink, and right freely, just because you tell me not to."
— Martin Luther
by Go Big Rev on Jul 27, 2010 12:02 PM EDT reply actions 1 recs
Nah
"Dodger fans aren’t happy when foul balls get into their section, because it interferes with their playing with the beachball"- Mike Krukow
Thanks
"Dodger fans aren’t happy when foul balls get into their section, because it interferes with their playing with the beachball"- Mike Krukow
one tiny detail
the nash guy was crazy AND smart. miles is just crazy.
by haveagreatday on Jul 27, 2010 2:22 PM EDT up reply actions
The relative placement and size
of “I have no idea” and “it affects the ocean” is the kind of detail that makes the nerdy mirth overflow.
Okay
So, if you’re going to analyze Les Miles.. why not analyze the person asking the question also (Clay Travis)?.
“Now you have the oil spill working its way to ya, I’m just wondering how thats going about, what that’s impacting ya’ll and what kinda situation ya’ll are facing?”
So, What is that impacting Florida football this season? How’s that going about?
Something something something turkey farm
This would have been the proper response to Travis’ question, and one that would have had those in assemblage fawning.
ADVENTURE PLUS
Another quest will start from here. Diagram Corrine Brown’s update on the Gata.
PRESS THE START BUTTON
Brian Kelly says no Spicy Sea Nuggets.
by Ancient Chinese Secret on Jul 27, 2010 12:38 PM EDT reply actions
That would be the literary equivalent of crossing the streams
We don’t want to go there.
(Unless we want to see Spencer’s head a splode)
by commodore_dude on Jul 27, 2010 1:46 PM EDT up reply actions
Making fun of Les Miles speech patterns?
Taking someone else’s schtick and doing it better?
Bylaw Blog guy approves, well played Spencer.
I laffed
in outright insanity, the only thing better if he just would have admitted that he had no knowledge of an oil spill while signing autographs with a BP promotional pen…
I swear to Pat Dye's pants I will make Trudy Campbell my wife!
chivalry?
I though scansion was Holly’s wheelhouse. Were you just trying to spare her the horror?
/starts chainsmoking Newports
________________
STRONG LIKE BOAR
by Ronnie D on Jul 27, 2010 1:23 PM EDT via mobile reply actions
I'm so cold right now
Given enough velocity even a pig will fly
by MarioVanPeebles Republic of China on Jul 27, 2010 1:59 PM EDT reply actions
this is exactly what the crew of “Event Horizon” saw before they dissappeared.
Eat what the monkey eats, then eat the monkey. -U.S. Navy survival guidance
I'm glad this is what a Big-10(12) education gets you.
It's not what you've done but what you are doing that matters.
And the roses in this grand ol' stadium are once again Crimson. - Eli Gold, CTSN Broadcast of the BCS Championship Game at the Rose Bowl, 1-7-2010
I just injected antifreeze into my spleen
and i completely understand what’s going on here
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
SPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDDD!!!!!!!
by THETexasStateUniversity on Jul 27, 2010 2:51 PM EDT reply actions
Putin says....
In RUSSIA, Miles diagrams YOU.
by ESS EEE SEE Speed on Jul 27, 2010 5:35 PM EDT reply actions
Bo Schembechler + Col. Kurtz + Gary Busey * Meth
= Miles
If a fan is continually hyping the alleged "academic superiority" of his conference, it's for one obvious reason: they're getting get their ass whipped on the field.
by Dick H on Jul 27, 2010 7:32 PM EDT via mobile reply actions
The horror...
"...when the devil says to you: do not drink, answer him: I will drink, and right freely, just because you tell me not to."
— Martin Luther
I have a strange desire to hear him talk about the Edmund Fitzgerald.
Friend of the Pants since 2009.
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