SUIT BILL HANCOCK
Bill Hancock proved to be about as ept at directing the operation of the BCS PowerPoint presentation as he is at defending the BCS with coherent, tangible points and without giving the whole matter the unmistakable air of a pyramid scheme. The most captivating bit of the entire event was the error window that kept popping up in the middle of the projection screen, telling him the computer couldn't establish an internet connection. Highlights, such as they were:
• Pointing out (quite defensively, considering nobody got the chance to ask him about it first) that Notre Dame has to finish in the top eight to get a BCS nod, while Boise State only has to crack the top fourteen. Whether the Irish, in such a situation, would be relegated to the relative ghetto of a Fiesta Bowl game against another mid-major team was a matter left wisely unaddressed.
• The parading about of everybody's favorite chestnuts, "EVERY GAME COUNTS" and "12 out of 12 times, we've had the best two teams in the title game." Urban Meyer, prepping for Miami OH, hides a small, cold grin, and Auburn fans begin sharpening their shiniest pitchforks, of which they have many, because they are all farmers.
• Posting his phone number on the projection screen in case anyone had further questions. When UTEP goes undefeated (WHATEVER IT COULD TOTALLY HAPPEN HAVE YOU SEEN WHAT HAPPENS IN EL PASO AFTER DARK), this'll come in dead handy.
SUIT MIKE SLIVE (Hair Plaster Threat Level: Typhoon)
• The good Commish, you've surely heard by now, opened his remarks by pointedly refusing to mention Lane Kiffin's name, adding, "I want to welcome Derek Dooley back to the SEC, and when I say welcome, I mean welcome." This drew smug chuckles from all corners.
• On the recent run of "thoughtless, highly visible, often nocturnal activities" on the part of a number of SEC player-bros: "We are confronted with the reality that not all student-athletes fulfill the expectations we have for them." He starts naming off athletes who exemplify good behavior and leads with an Auburn swimmer.
• What will become the pull quote of the day: In calling for a national agent strategy, Slive says the NCAA regulations surrounding agent contact are as much a part of the problem as the illicit behavior that wells up, because they go a long way towards preventing players from getting good career advice. Compounding the problem, he points out that, "Given the surreptitious nature ... it is difficult if not impossible" to police this kind of thing. It's a refrain we're hearing a lot.
SUIT OFFICIATING BRO ROGERS REDDING
• Absolutely nothing of interest, and less that we didn't know already. Between the Zapruder-ing of various kickoff videos to point out wedge formations that are now illegal and vague notions of more concussion enforcement, the silence of the scarcely-populated press room is punctuated by creaking doors as we all slink out for coffee and kill time until Petrino gets in and we can ask whether he's put his name in for consideration as Damon Evans' replacement.