A WORD FROM NPAA CHAIRMAN FATSACKS ROBINSON
by Spencer Hall on Jul 22, 2010 9:59 AM EDT
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PrintDear Nick Saban,
I like to think when a bitch breaks back on me, it's a teaching moment. A moment when I, her pimp, can establish a moment of both education and rapport, a time when through a common learning experience that can make us both better people and better business partners. As a football coach, I'm sure you share my passion for teaching, and can understand.
Thus I extend the same to you in the name of all pimpdom: a teaching moment. You may have heard that pimping is very difficult, or perhaps more succinctly that "Pimpin'" is not "easy." I could not concur more, having plied my trade for over 25 years now both as a sub-pimp, cash boy, and then finally as a full-grown pimp on the streets of Birmingham, Mobile, and for a short but eventful time in Atlanta.
Again, I'd like to thank the law offices of Marquardt, Goldman, and Harrison for their assistance to me in a time of need.
You referred to agents as "no better than pimps" yesterday. These remarks, Coach Saban, cut me to the core. Having been a loyal Crimson Tide all my life, I have pulled for Alabama with a passion and ferocity I cannot exercise in any other portion of my life, where I am expected to remain as icy and flashy as a freshly cut diamond.
(And I do, Coach Saban. You best believe I do, from my tailored 15 button suits to my burnished teak cane. I am a stunning street peacock whose cry makes women's uteruses shudder. My plumage melts the hearts of the coldest bitch. My smile makes husbands turn around and walk away in despair before I have said a word to their woman.)
I have purchased season tickets for 12 years with my hard-earned cash. I have procured some of the sauciest and most feral of bitches for your coaches, both assistants and head coaches. I even hid the aftereffects of an unfortunate bondage-game-gone-wrong. I cannot divulge the coach who accidentally dispatched Charlita the Choke Artist to the great Bunny Ranch in the sky, but it rhymes with Man-chi-one. You're welcome.
To hear you say this after my years of service and loyalty to the Crimson Tide hurts, Coach Saban. We share so much in common. We teach. We cajole. Sometimes, when necessary, we slap. You do it with words, and I do it with my bejeweled, immaculately manicured hand. We both hustle, and we both do our best to get the most out of our hard-working, beautiful young employees trying to turn a cold stretch of highway into a green mile of pimpin' victory.
Evidently I was wrong, but I appreciate you pointing that out. We're not the same. I pay my bitches, and you don't. When you start doing that, perhaps then you may allow your mouth purse to spit nickels of half-truth into my swimming pool of real-talk Benjamins.
On behalf of all the pimps of the world,
Fatsacks Robinson
President, National Pimps Association of America
P.S. Lump me in with Drew Rosenhaus and Jimmy Sexton again in public, and I will cut you.
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nice
You see, a pimp’s love is very different from that of a square’s.
Is Fatsacks Robinson
gonna have to choke a bitch?
by SEC Supremacist on Jul 22, 2010 10:06 AM EDT reply actions
Bravissimo!
I have pulled for [your team name here] with a passion and ferocity I cannot exercise in any other portion of my life, where I am expected to remain as icy and flashy as a freshly cut diamond.
"I like the taste of danger most of all." - Jonatha Brooke
And a rec for that
I don’t tip a bar owner who serves me except for truly exceptional service. I don’t normall rec your work on here for the same reason, but this was outstanding.
"I like the taste of danger most of all." - Jonatha Brooke
by MtnEer_in_SC on Jul 22, 2010 10:09 AM EDT up reply actions
It dang sure is
Take a ride through Ensley, Woodlawn, or East Lake (on holidays), and you’ll see all manner of free-market debauchery going down. I know, because a gas station on Tallapoosa Screet on my way home is where the pimps roll up in their high dollar hoopties and strut around.
If a fan is continually hyping the alleged "academic superiority" of his conference, it's for one obvious reason: they're getting get their ass whipped on the field.
by Dick H on Jul 22, 2010 10:16 AM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
haha
you typed screet.
"The North isn't a place. It's just a direction out of the South."
--Roy Blount, Jr.
by animalcracker on Jul 22, 2010 12:24 PM EDT up reply actions
The way it's spoken, bro
If a fan is continually hyping the alleged "academic superiority" of his conference, it's for one obvious reason: they're getting get their ass whipped on the field.
Hyah in Charl-sun, Souf Kahlina, we wud-unt use the 'T'.
You know you belong here if you can say “Wentworth Street” without using one.
WHEN-WURF SCREE
"I like the taste of danger most of all." - Jonatha Brooke
by MtnEer_in_SC on Jul 22, 2010 7:40 PM EDT up reply actions
This is too articulate
to have been written by a pimp. But I liked it anyway.
www.totteringworld.com
Ar-tic-u-what?
Must have been written by a Big-10 pimp… Cause you know, know matter how fine our bitches are, they will always look down on us…
by Pecan on Jul 22, 2010 10:13 AM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
A Big-10 pimp will DROP some knowledge on you. And, occasionally, a bitch. Big enough to be weaponized, our bitches are.
by blanx73 on Jul 22, 2010 10:15 AM EDT up reply actions 2 recs
How High
Been pimpin, since been pimpin, since been pimpin, since been pimpin…
http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc3/hs364.snc3/23496_324823228700_324811953700_3459454_1576865_n.jpg
When they find Fatsacks Robinson buried under Bryant-Denny someday,
now we’ll know why.
by She Blinded Me With Violence on Jul 22, 2010 10:11 AM EDT reply actions
No kidding. Fatsacks and his teak cane are no match for the dark imperator.
This is like telling Darth Vadar to “go fnck himself!”
by HawkeyeRecon on Jul 22, 2010 10:13 AM EDT up reply actions
Amazing
When you start doing that, perhaps then you may allow your mouth purse to spit nickels of half-truth into my swimming pool of real-talk Benjamins.
Having topical Freek perfectly played into this prose clinic…this is what makes the offseason survivable. I salute you both with hearty beverage.
It's spelled...
U-P-G-R-A-Y-E-D-D.
The two D’s are for a “double-dose of pimpin”. Because a pimp’s love is very different than that of a square.
by Terry Bowden's Shoe Lifts on Jul 22, 2010 10:31 AM EDT reply actions
Bra. Fucking. VO.
Satire of which Mencken would likely approve. Except for the noted lack of anti-Semitism, which is fine by me.
"...when the devil says to you: do not drink, answer him: I will drink, and right freely, just because you tell me not to."
— Martin Luther
For starters, Jimmy Sexton awoke this morning
to find Alvin Keels’ bloody severed head in his bed.
If a fan is continually hyping the alleged "academic superiority" of his conference, it's for one obvious reason: they're getting get their ass whipped on the field.
i am sure saban was referring to the kind of pimps that like to hang out and collect runaway talent at greyhound bus stops (flesh vultures), or maybe the kind that just says “screw it i’m starting operations in bangkok”. both prime examples of easy pimpin’.
naw, fatsacks’ (throws up intricate handsignal) brand of pimpin requires the eternal vigilance of a palace guard, with an antique dealer’s requisite eye for skill. a rare but proud vocation, indeed. and i’m sure coach saban knows the difference.
Eat what the monkey eats, then eat the monkey. -U.S. Navy survival guidance
Fatsacks has an excellent point here
Lump me in with Drew Rosenhaus and Jimmy Sexton again in public, and I will cut you.
There are some forms of comparison that are just beyond the pale for a gentleman.
Saban just hates all things LSU...
It doesn’t matter how many football games the SEC wins. We will always look down on you.
by devidee33 on Jul 22, 2010 11:21 AM EDT reply actions 1 recs
No comment from “a pimp named Slickback”?
WHTMG?
by An 'eer with a beer on Jul 22, 2010 12:19 PM EDT reply actions
This post right here, Swindle.
Is why every foobawl site on the interwebs is competing for second place. Genius. Mad fucking genius.
/gangsta s’up to the Freek for that shit too.
Hallucinogenic love drugs, sir. The pagans were taking them. We were trying to fit in.
A to the mens Brah!
To distrust Saban is to love him!
LSUfreek is a bad mother shut your mouth!
To distrust Saban is to love him!
I pay my bitches, and you don’t. When you start doing that, perhaps then you may allow your mouth purse to spit nickels of half-truth into my swimming pool of real-talk Benjamins.
i’m getting this tattooed across my neck. not really, but i’d sure be taking on the personage of a true ruffian, for sures.
thanks to denial, i'm immortal
by thetennesseethumper on Jul 22, 2010 9:29 PM EDT reply actions
A Pimp Named Slickback
says you never, ever pay a bitch. Ever. She doesn’t get to hold even a dollah. You buy her a dress, some shoes, you pay her rent, but you never, ever pay a bitch. How new to pimpin’ are you, boy?
by El Kabong!!! on Jul 22, 2010 11:25 PM EDT up reply actions
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