We all love the Fulmer Cup and the Ellis T. Jones Award. (Except when our school wins it). But perhaps we should recognize that not all arrests are created equal. In particular, police forces in Southern college towns are diligently finding new and creative ways to arrest student-athletes for things that don't even sound like real crimes. It is in this vein that I would like to propose the following award:
The Joseph H. "Jack" Lumpkin, Sr. Award.
This award would be given out to the most ticky-tack, bullshit arrest of the offseason. The kind of arrest that people roll their eyes at and think, "Really, there's a law against that?" or "Oh please, college kids do that all the time." The kind of arrest that a coach thinks is so stupid that they barely discipline the kid who got busted. The kind of arrest that boils down to "__________ while black." That kind of arrest.
Why name the award after Mr. Lumpkin? Because he is the longtime police chief in Athens, Georgia, widely recognized as the trail blazers of ridiculous athlete arrests. Whether it's scooter-related infractions, being passed out drunk on a toilet while taking a dump, the always dangerous "emerging from an alley", or passing cars on the right on a two-lane road, no one busts more heads for more flimsy reasons that the Athens-Clarke County Police Department.
I feel if we are going to honor the single athlete who goes above and beyond to try and claim the Fulmer Cup for his team, we should also honor the overzealous, surly, and possibly bigoted officer who goes above and beyond to arrest them for some trumped-up crime that is either dismissed outright, or quickly swept out of court with a small fine or community service ordered so the judge can get the hell out of there before his tee time.
Submitted for the consideration of Herr Swindle and his lieutenants.
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